Friends wedding is going overboard!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Friends wedding is going overboard!!
17
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 11:56am

We have very good friends that are getting married in September. My husband is in the wedding party and I may play piano for the wedding. Anyway, they are in the middle of planning their bachelor/bachelorette parties and boy are they going crazy!!! The bachelor party is going to be in Las Vegas and my husband has been looking forward to this for a whole year already. At first the plans were to use our timeshare and get the guys to chip in a $100 dollars each and the leftovers would help DH to pay for his plane ticket, but I guess the timeshare isn't that close to the main strip and with as much alcohol as these guys can drink, they need to be close to things so they can walk. It's a disaster waiting to happen, but they aren't crazy guys. They do drink, but they are super excited about gambling and they'll probably go to a few strip clubs. DH doesn't gamble though and he's already on a strict budget so he's agreed to only spend a set amount on any gambling. They found some pretty good deals, hotel and airfare for around $500 per person. The airfare alone has been hanging around at $400 per ticket lately and they are going to be spending 4 days and 3 nights there. But now the groom wants to add on this extra VIP service and most likely have all the guys chip in for him to get a free trip. This is where I'm starting to draw the line. First of all, this was the grooms idea. He's the one that wanted to go to Las Vegas and will do anything to get there. He's the one planning it too, so I think that right there should negate any 'old' notions that the groomsmen have to pay for his trip. a few of the guys including DH can hardly afford to go so I think he has to lower his expectations a little bit. I'm about ready to freak out!

On to the Bachelorette party. It's going to be in Montreal. We are driving there. It's a 3 day trip over Memorial Day Weekend. The bride is planning her trip as well and she got a package that includes hotel, clubs and alcohol and I'm not a huge drinker so we're being asked to pay for something we may not even use! There are 17 people going, not including her and each of us have to pay $318 dollars so that makes this a $5400 dollar trip! I also have to get a passport so make that $418 for me. That doesn't include how we're going to get there, who's driving, we'll all have to split the gas and tolls or what I'm going to be eating there. So let's just figure this will be a $600-700 dollar trip for me and a $700-800 dollar trip for DH. We've been discussing how we can budget for this. We have 4 months left. We've decided to strictly watch our entertainment budget and try to save that up and also have DH work his part-time job whenever he gets the chance and put that money aside. I'm also debating just not going, but seriously, all of my closest friends are going and I'm going to miss out on a lot if I don't go. I really want to go, I just have to work it out.

What we're both mad about is how the bride and groom are not taking anyones finances into consideration. And the bridal party is complaining too. They are being asked to fund the bridal shower at $150 dollars per person, get their hair and makeup done at $175 per person, the dress at $200, the shoes at $50 or so. It just goes on and on! And these people have a little bit of money too. They could at least afford to pay for their own trips since they planned them! Not to mention the fact that they live together and have 2 kids, plus another child from her previous relationship. It's just turning into a "all about me" fest.

Weddings nowadays are out of control! And I'm done with my vent!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2005
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 12:14pm

Wow Abbie, that's crazy.

Wedding
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 12:18pm

Wow. People(that are getting married) make me wonder sometimes. Good luck with your decision.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 1:29pm

About 4-6 years ago we were invited to several weddings that had these kinds of ridiculous (in my opinion) bachelor and bachelorette parties. My husband got invited to one in RIO - as in OUT OF THE COUNTRY!


DH is a bit more indlgent about doing things because "he should". Where as I have much less of a problem saying "I'm sorry I just don't have the money to do that" or "I have to say no to anything out of the country/involving airfare, it's just too much money for me". What I will normally do is tell the bride/groom directly and skip (the often pushy) best man or maid of honor. I have given the bride a gift certificate or visa gift card for $50 or $100 to get a massage etc. at the hotel.


I have had some grumblings and a few hard feelings (that pass), but it is so much better than coming home with a hangover and debt!


*p.s. I was not always this logical about it - I certainly have spent too much on these things at times too!


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2009
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 1:46pm

OK you can call me a real

Lila
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 2:08pm

Yes, overboard for SURE.




Avatar for sohappilyme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 2:50pm

NO FREAKING WAY.

DH and I would spend that time and that money to be together LONG before we'd ever think about being apart. I think the best way to place your vote is to say NO THANK YOU and use the money on your debt or splurge on your OWN marriage. Unless they're treating the whole wedding party (and they clearly are not) then I think it's abhorrent. To each his own, but I'd have NO problem declining on both counts.

Photobucket









FLINGING DEBT:
Sarah
Avatar for sohappilyme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 3:00pm

PS: DH and I had a BLAST at our wedding - people he doesn't see often still talk about it - and our budget was $1500. My dad paid for my wedding dress ($450) but that $1500 includes the dresses for my three bridesmaids. Yep, we didn't ask anyone to spend a DIME.

Apparently we had more common sense at 19 and 23 than some folks gave us credit for! Hmph.

Photobucket









FLINGING DEBT:
Sarah
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 3:30pm

I know what I would do if I were you.

Norma


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 4:37pm

Maybe I'm too cheap, but there is no way I'd spend more than $1500 for a wedding that is not mine.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 4:49pm


Abbie,

Out of concern for your finances just from what you have posted here this is NOT a smart thing for you and your DH to do. If your DH is in the wedding party extra expenses like a tux and such are going to come up as well.

Dropping that much money on a "party" sounds just ridiculous. Whatever happened to guys getting together at a bar? I mean come on. If the groom wants to go to Vegas that's awesome - let him and whoever can AFFORD to go - go. Otherwise - I'd tell them that this just isn't going to work out for you guys.

They aren't taking other peoples finances into consideration because no doubt nobody is speaking up to them. Just to each other. Speak up - say you can't afford to go and end it.

Unless you do intend to go and then just forget all I wrote. LOL

Pages