Friends wedding is going overboard!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Friends wedding is going overboard!!
17
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 11:56am

We have very good friends that are getting married in September. My husband is in the wedding party and I may play piano for the wedding. Anyway, they are in the middle of planning their bachelor/bachelorette parties and boy are they going crazy!!! The bachelor party is going to be in Las Vegas and my husband has been looking forward to this for a whole year already. At first the plans were to use our timeshare and get the guys to chip in a $100 dollars each and the leftovers would help DH to pay for his plane ticket, but I guess the timeshare isn't that close to the main strip and with as much alcohol as these guys can drink, they need to be close to things so they can walk. It's a disaster waiting to happen, but they aren't crazy guys. They do drink, but they are super excited about gambling and they'll probably go to a few strip clubs. DH doesn't gamble though and he's already on a strict budget so he's agreed to only spend a set amount on any gambling. They found some pretty good deals, hotel and airfare for around $500 per person. The airfare alone has been hanging around at $400 per ticket lately and they are going to be spending 4 days and 3 nights there. But now the groom wants to add on this extra VIP service and most likely have all the guys chip in for him to get a free trip. This is where I'm starting to draw the line. First of all, this was the grooms idea. He's the one that wanted to go to Las Vegas and will do anything to get there. He's the one planning it too, so I think that right there should negate any 'old' notions that the groomsmen have to pay for his trip. a few of the guys including DH can hardly afford to go so I think he has to lower his expectations a little bit. I'm about ready to freak out!

On to the Bachelorette party. It's going to be in Montreal. We are driving there. It's a 3 day trip over Memorial Day Weekend. The bride is planning her trip as well and she got a package that includes hotel, clubs and alcohol and I'm not a huge drinker so we're being asked to pay for something we may not even use! There are 17 people going, not including her and each of us have to pay $318 dollars so that makes this a $5400 dollar trip! I also have to get a passport so make that $418 for me. That doesn't include how we're going to get there, who's driving, we'll all have to split the gas and tolls or what I'm going to be eating there. So let's just figure this will be a $600-700 dollar trip for me and a $700-800 dollar trip for DH. We've been discussing how we can budget for this. We have 4 months left. We've decided to strictly watch our entertainment budget and try to save that up and also have DH work his part-time job whenever he gets the chance and put that money aside. I'm also debating just not going, but seriously, all of my closest friends are going and I'm going to miss out on a lot if I don't go. I really want to go, I just have to work it out.

What we're both mad about is how the bride and groom are not taking anyones finances into consideration. And the bridal party is complaining too. They are being asked to fund the bridal shower at $150 dollars per person, get their hair and makeup done at $175 per person, the dress at $200, the shoes at $50 or so. It just goes on and on! And these people have a little bit of money too. They could at least afford to pay for their own trips since they planned them! Not to mention the fact that they live together and have 2 kids, plus another child from her previous relationship. It's just turning into a "all about me" fest.

Weddings nowadays are out of control! And I'm done with my vent!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-1998
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 4:58pm
I would decline to be in their wedding party, there is no way I could or would spend that much for someone elses wedding. My own wedding didn't cost much more than $2,000 and we bought the outfits for the bridal party, (My own dress was $150, from a couple of ladies who had closed out a bridal shop, it was about 90% off)
I think too many people are watching those "reality" wedding shows.
I can understand the bride and groom wanting it to be an "all about me fest", but they could do it on their own dime. JMO.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 5:41pm

I agree with all the other posters.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 5:58pm

Dh and I talked about it tonight as soon as he got home from work and surprisingly, he had been thinking about the same thing over the past few days. I was pretty proud of him! I thought for sure that he'd be more depressed over this decision because he's been talking and talking about this for over a year now. He's kind of been one of the driving forces behind the idea, but that was before the numbers started rolling in. We had previously hoped for a $300 dollar plane ticket to Vegas and $100 dollars for the room for 3 nights (with our timeshare, it would have been free!) Then he was going to not gamble and bring just enough to eat simple food and buy cheap beer, but now it's just getting out of hand.

The bachelorette party was originally going to be a weekend in New York City, which would have no doubt been expensive too but at least I didn't need a passport! To be honest, I'm not even that close with the bride (long story) but the groom has been DH and I's best friend for over ten years. I am best friends with his previous girlfriend but he found a new woman and they have 2 kids together now so we've just kind of adjusted to being friends. But many of my other 'very close' friends are going.

Dh and I had a very honest talk about how much this would realistically cost and admitted that it was a little too much for us. We could probably come up with that much money in 4 1/2 months, but what happens if a car breaks down? DH might need new tires in a few months, his job is slowing down this month and what happens if DS actually gets in to this private school and we have to start thinking about how much we can afford for payments. It's just becoming too much for us. And I agree, it's not smart for us to spend money like that on a party. It's a hard realization to come to, but we just don't have the money for vacations like others do. We are just getting back on our feet and I don't want to be derailed!

We're going to take the weekend to really come to a concrete decision, but right now we're about 90% sure we're not going. Now the problem is admitting it to the bride and groom. They know a lot about our financial situation actually but we've kind of led them to believe that we would be going. At least we're going to tell them now before any of the money is put down on the table. It's still a hard decision though because I'm also thinking that what is money worth if you can't go out and spend memorable moments with good friends?

We've also decided that if we don't go, we're going to plan a simple vacation in our area for our family in August. Something we can drive to, using our timeshare which only costs $180 dollars for the week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 6:23pm

I don't post here very often, but this one drew me out. I am in a wedding(my cousin's)

 


Terri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Sat, 01-16-2010 - 3:22pm

Good job talking it through, Abbie. Remember if you are playing for the wedding, that is a huge financial gift to them as well.

I guess now that DH and I are married we don't need to party as much anymore, go out to eat or do a lot of other things we did before we were together. We just enjoy being together and talking, cooking, or listening to music (like we are today.) We just adore the time together.

I was hoping your DH was not so caught into the Vegas idea that he wanted to go regardless. If you have him this far, I think I can guess the decision you will make by the end of the weekend.

-Marie




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Sat, 01-16-2010 - 5:07pm

Good thinking Abbie.

Norma


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Sat, 01-16-2010 - 8:09pm

Abbie...what a difficult decision to make...


I'm a bit surprised that this couple is so thoughtless of other people's situations...its not like they are

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