Frustrated with DH....
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 01-20-2010 - 3:08pm |
I'm sure I'm not the first one to express frustration with DH!
I'll try to do this quickly:
1. Despite being "onboard", he has yet to actually look at our budget. I've told him the things that pertain to him directly but you would think he would want to know all the details.
He knows as of Feb 1st all he is getting is cash (except for gas, which is much easier to pay for with debit card) so I'm not sure if that's just his reasoning or what.
2. We obviously need every penny we can get. He agreed he would work whatever O/T came available except on every 5th week when he has Thursday & Friday off, bcs that's when we get his kids on Wednesdays. This weekend is one of those weekends.
However, kids' mom just got back from Thailand so she wants to keep them until Friday. Fine.
Also, next weekend he has to go out of town to deal with our rental, so he can't work then.
And he didn't work last weekend.
So the ideal thing was that he would work this Thur&Fr (= about $1800 clear) and still have Sat&Sun off, then not work next weekend.
But apparently he's decided he's too tired to work the next 2 days.
3. I agreed to take on 2 more kids p/t / casual basis, which puts me at 6 total (which is my max legally), and I'm only making an extra $60/day for this. BUT that works out to $240-480 / month, so it's obviously a good idea.
But I'm tearing my hair out with these kids, and my house is destroyed, and I can't even get my supper prep done with them here, etc etc etc.
But he's exhausted and doesn't want to work. And so much crap needs to be done around the house/garage that he wants to spend 2 days doing that.
(And for the record, dayhome is harder when he is home, because he gets so worked up about the mess the kids make whereas I worry about it at the end of the day).
Frustrated...

Ummmm, you are correct, you are not the first person to complain about DH, and likely not the last.
A couple of things to keep in mind.
1. He is not thinking about his 24/7 like you are, nor does it bother him as much.
2. This is a process and it takes time to adjust to it, so give him a bit more time and yourself.
A couple of suggestions:
1. Put it on paper my little accountant. Do a spreadsheet and show him how slow things go when he doesn't work over time and how fast when he does. Call it a family meeting that he must attend. Give praise about the over time.
2. Come up with a reward program: I will make you your favorite dinner and a back massage for x amount of days of over time. Make it worth his while if you know what I mean because he is likely discouraged if he is not going to see the overtime money.
He is tired? Just reading your posts make me tired. I hope to heck you got a new dryer. 8 hours for one load would make me kill somebody. You need to take time for you too so go have a bubble bath!
Give him time.
Everyone here knows I have been gung ho for the past year paying down debt like crazy.
Thanks ladies.
I do have it all on a spread sheet. In fact I have it on 2...one budget & then one cash flow, so he can see not just WHAT but WHEN things need to be paid. I need more printer ink & that's not in the budget till the 1st unless I borrow from somewhere lol.
He came home last night and was not happy about the house, asked me why I was doing these extra kids for $60 a day - maybe $480 a month tops because I am NOT doing it more than 2 days a week, and I pointed out that is less than half of what he can make in one day, and that it's a cc payment, or a loan pmt, or half a baby E-fund...he got the point.
He also got the point of my nagging earlier in the day and is now working today, Friday, & maybe Saturday. :)
The strange thing is, he does hate this situation...his financial nerve is his credit...in July he had perfect credit, payments never late etc, could get whatever he wanted...now in 7 months it's shot!
On the upside, I have a bread maker I never use....and we eat a lot of bread, so I'm going to start comparing the cost of making vs buying, so maybe another (small) $ saver there!
About the dryer...mine is gas, I have an electric one sitting in the garage but the wiring isn't there in my laundry room (main floor)...so one of the things DH wanted to do this wknd was wire it into the basement...kinda screwed myself there lol.
As previous posters said, and as you saw with DH, sometimes it just takes time, or a point where they finally understand. My DH goes in spurts, he's really gung ho for a while on saving and paying down debt, etc. and then he gets real lax for a while and I get stressed about it. It takes time and commitment to pay off debt and get to a good place financially, especially if you're starting in a whole. And home daycare is definitely a lot to juggle, I commend you for taking on more kids to help out, even if just part time. I know there are times I come home after a long day of work and spend all night doing the kids/house/finance stuff and some days DH doesn't help at all, or falls asleep on the couch because he works a pretty physical job. And I feel guilty complaining about needing his help because he's tired and has worked hard all day, but so have I and we are in it together. You will have your ups and downs in this wonderful debt journey. Hugs!