Butt dialing nightmare

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Butt dialing nightmare
19
Sat, 02-06-2010 - 9:31am

Long story, need to vent, you guys are great.

My DD is a senior, honor student, good athlete and overall really good kid and hard worker. She is not a genius, but studies 3-4 hours every night. She wants to go into nursing or become a physicians assistant and will even graduate high school with a CNA (Certified Nurse Assistant) due to a technical training program she takes along with her regular high school classes (public schools are great!) She has taken it upon herself to job shadow, look for scholarships (and do the followup work to fill them out) she works part time, is in student council and does volunteering. She is a really good kid and I am very proud of her. She just made state finals in a health care terminology competition, she so loves her aspired career.

I am divorced and she had to move in the middle of her sophomore year, but is only an hour away from her old school, friends and boyfriend. She is my only biological child, and I have been there for everything (dance, GS leader, sports mom, driving on field trips, etc.) We also have Dh's son, a junior and the two get along great.

Well I need DD's father to fill out some forms for her for some of the colleges. She got into all 7 schools, and we narrowed to three, all public, all less than $20k for tuition room and board and two of the three have offered some academic scholarships already. She will go in as a second term freshman due to her AP and college credits already.

Well last weekend we tried to meet my Ex, who has been unemployed since September 2008 (lost his 16th job) to have him fill out the online stuff (he has no computer.) He was out of town. This weekend we called to meet him, he was at some concert or event with a lot of noise with his friends and said he did not WANT to fill out the stuff she needed. OK, he pays $0 in child support, he pays none of the medical costs he is supposed to pay, and I even pay for gas she uses and the car to go see him and the cell phone she uses to call him. He gives her no financial or really even emotional support.
So last night we got him by phone when he was at a concert and asked him to meet us for the paperwork someday this week, he has no time, we argued and I of course ended up in tears and hung up.

Well his phone BUTT dialed me! He didn't know it was on, and he is there telling this woman he is with that I was "sobbing and crying like a baby" and that he didn't feel he had to fill stuff out. She said to him, "what your Ex (me) just now in 12th grade is saving for college, a little late" and "why does your daughter need to go to a fancy school, she should just go to a community college"... And my Ex just agreed with her, putting me down with lies about our relationship.

I listened to him put me down for about 10 minutes to this woman and LIE to her. He must have eventually figured out his phone was on, and shut it off, but I got a earful.

I have saved for this child since she was born, I wanted her badly, planned for her and she is the best thing in my life. She works like a dog on school and other things to get where she is. And all he has to do is fill out a form. NO MONEY, just fill out one form for two of the schools that will help her because he is a displaced worker.

I pay all the debt from our marriage, I took the hit on the house he wanted that was too large and sold for far less than what it was purchased for and for 17 years I supported him as he jumped from job to job barely making enough to feed himself while I worked one and two jobs to be sure we paid our bills and have a nice life.

And I hear him give stories to this woman about his being father of the year!

Nightmares all night!

All I can say is thank God for my DH, he is the most wonderful man, does everything for my DD, and gives us a warm home and lots of laughs. He held me tight all night while I cried.

-Marie




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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sat, 02-06-2010 - 7:37pm

A friend of mine was in sort of a similar situation but her parents refused to give her $ for college

Liz

student loan paid off 2010

Bathroom remodel loan paid off 2013

Pending Car loan to be paid by the end of 2014!!!!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 8:58am

That is my tactic at the moment. I explained some to her on Friday, but Monday I will show her what the money means to her and have her call him directly and I will stay out of it. If he wants to help, he will help her. If he refuses, he will have to refuse directly to her.

-Marie




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 11:01am

Good luck to you and DD - a man that is nasty to his ex wife is bad enough but a man that cannot treat his own daughter with kindness is beyond reprehensible. I will keep my fingers crossed for you and I do have a hunch that he will be nicer about it to DD.


Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 2:41pm

Hi Marie,


I've been reading this thread since you posted it, but was so STEAMED about it, couldn't think of what to write.

Kate


empty purse

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2005
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 5:03pm
I don't know how it all works but is it possible to get a court order for him to sign the papers? He sounds like a piece of work. GL
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 5:20pm
Here is the young lady in question:



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 5:57pm

marie- i can't even respond to how mad i am at your ex on your behalf. i hope he can feel the bad voodoo vibes from all of us. i hope he steps up when your dd asks. i fully believe that what you put out in the world comes back to you, i hope all the evil that he spreads gets dished right back to him.

your daughter is beautiful and i am sure that she is so grateful for everything that you do for her. congrats on being a great and supportive mom. good luck to her on choosing a school and enjoying the last of high school!

i wish you both luck in getting the forms signed, or in finding a work around that will make it all work out.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 8:34pm

Hi Marie


His behavior does not make any sense....if he can help out his kid...that should be his priority regardless of what he feels about you...


I agree wholeheartedly about your daughter contacting him directly...


Duke

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 4:42pm

Oh boy.

Your daughter is a knock out btw.

How hard is it to fill out forms online?

Listen, your daughter will figure it out eventually how selfish he is. I agree she should ask him to help. She is old enough.

I got a call on Friday at my store asking why I hadn't paid my Hydro bill(electric bill) since Nov 6th. I finally figured it out and asked for the address on the bill. It is my ex's bill at his address. It took me three hours to get ahold of him and he wanted me to fix it. I said no and please take my name off your hydro bill. I am not his secretary any longer! Its been 3 years! I was annoyed all afternoon. It was probably a mix up as he has never, not paid before but not any less annoying. He still has not paid me the $66 dollars he owes me for a picture package I bought him of the kids three months ago. Cause thats what I need! To pay for my package and his. Gosh!

I am slowly talking myself into caring about what he does less. Our ex's do NOT deserve our tears Marie. That is one thing I do know for sure.


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