major life decisions help!!
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major life decisions help!!
| Tue, 02-23-2010 - 3:37pm |
I've posted here before, but it's been awhile. Long story short, I just want to know the best plan of action. We have CC debt and are paying it through MMI, a Credit Counseling service. They have gotten our interest rates lower and payments lower. But, we still pay them $380 every 2 weeks. It's really hard. We also have a mortgage of $3220 a month. I am wondering if we just get out of the plan with MMI and negotiate with the CC companies, maybe they could give us better payments. I have one CC that is not on MMI and they said they would take my payments I offered after I was behind a few months. So should I let the cards get behind and just deal with companies directly? The payments are killing us. We make good money..about $180K a year. But we have so many bills! Now we found out we owe on taxes too.
I could work more, but we have 3 kids and I don't want to be away from them a lot. I am also considering taking a loan from my 401K to help get by....and we also have a bathroom project that needs to be finished. We have late charges on our mortgage too. I am trying to deal with them about getting a hardship modification to our loan, but I think our income is too high to qualify.
Also, we send my husband's Goddaughter to private school, and he won't budge on that issue. I just want to get my money priorities in line! Our youngest daughter is starting school in Aug. We also want her to go to private school. I feel odd doing that since we have a lot of debt, but we feel it's important. I know the house payment is the most important thing, but I'm not so sure about what to do with the CC debt. What would you do? Take a loan out? I know there are people losing their homes, so I try to stay positive but it seems like all I think about is our financial situation every day! I'm ashamed that with such a good income we haven't managed things as well as I would have liked. We have lived above our means. We are not charging any more.
Sorry this is so long, but I'm at my wits end. all I do is worry about what to do, which thing is most important to pay for, etc. I think the house and the kids school are top of the list....along with food and utilities of course.
help, please be gentle with me as I am very depressed about the whole thing. I'll try to be open-minded with any advice. My main concern is the CC debt and not feeling guilty about private school. My oldest 2 are in public,, they are in 8th and 10th grade (from my first marriage) and they have no interest in changing schools. so, just an FYI... my current husband went to private school and wants our daughter to as well. Now if my older ones wanted to go to private school, i would somehow do it.
What would your priorities be? I'm almost ready to say to "he@#" with the CCs!! But I know that's not right either.
I could work more, but we have 3 kids and I don't want to be away from them a lot. I am also considering taking a loan from my 401K to help get by....and we also have a bathroom project that needs to be finished. We have late charges on our mortgage too. I am trying to deal with them about getting a hardship modification to our loan, but I think our income is too high to qualify.
Also, we send my husband's Goddaughter to private school, and he won't budge on that issue. I just want to get my money priorities in line! Our youngest daughter is starting school in Aug. We also want her to go to private school. I feel odd doing that since we have a lot of debt, but we feel it's important. I know the house payment is the most important thing, but I'm not so sure about what to do with the CC debt. What would you do? Take a loan out? I know there are people losing their homes, so I try to stay positive but it seems like all I think about is our financial situation every day! I'm ashamed that with such a good income we haven't managed things as well as I would have liked. We have lived above our means. We are not charging any more.
Sorry this is so long, but I'm at my wits end. all I do is worry about what to do, which thing is most important to pay for, etc. I think the house and the kids school are top of the list....along with food and utilities of course.
help, please be gentle with me as I am very depressed about the whole thing. I'll try to be open-minded with any advice. My main concern is the CC debt and not feeling guilty about private school. My oldest 2 are in public,, they are in 8th and 10th grade (from my first marriage) and they have no interest in changing schools. so, just an FYI... my current husband went to private school and wants our daughter to as well. Now if my older ones wanted to go to private school, i would somehow do it.
What would your priorities be? I'm almost ready to say to "he@#" with the CCs!! But I know that's not right either.


















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I've posted here before, but it's been awhile. Long story short, I just want to know the best plan of action. We have CC debt and are paying it through MMI, a Credit Counseling service. They have gotten our interest rates lower and payments lower. But, we still pay them $380 every 2 weeks.
There is nothing a credit counseling service can do that you can't do yourself.
Hello,
This is what I think, and keep in mind, I am trying to be gentle.
You need to have a few options in your mind and have a major financial meeting with your husband. Put some time aside, an entire evening, get a sitter and go for coffee or for dinner.
You need to make a major change in your life. I don't know what your CC debt is, but your house payment is really, really high(even for the amount of money you make).
You either need to decrease your expenses(not increase them with private school) or increase your income. Your income is pretty high so I would go with decreasing your expenses.
By a major change, I mean........can you downsize your house? $3220 is a lot of money. Can you get something smaller? I know this may not be the route you wanted to go but something has got to give or you are going to lose it anyway.
You really need to discuss a major change of some sort with your husband.
Do you have an emergency fund? Do you have a budget? These are some things to get into place.
But the first thing is, you and your husband need to be willing to make a change. You are living a life style you simply cannot afford.
I'm sorry if that sounded harsh. Just some things to think about.
Also, our groceries here are probably more expensive....but I hear what you;re saying. My dh could sell a lot of stuff but won't do it...and I've learned I am a nag if I try and make him do stuff he doesn't want to do.
I am not judging or being critical...I have just never heard of paying for a godchilds private education...especially at the detriment of your family or own childs education...you don't have a godfather paying for YOUR kids private education...just doesn't make sense, I probably just dont understand...
Cindylee
The first thing I'm going to say, and I say it
GOsh it's all so scary isn't it? My DH and I also make a good combined salary and we have a high mortgage payment $2630 too. Depending on the part of the country that you live in - I live in MA owning a home take a lot of sacrifice.
Everyone else has given really solid financial advice - here is some more emotional advice. You have to want to change - and change is scary - it has taken me multiple starts (that means multiple "I am back posts here) and finally this year I can see it sticking. The thing is we didn't get into major debt overnight and we are not going to get out overnight but we have to get it to manageable as quickly as possible.
For us that mean becoming a one car family - truthfully it really stinks 0 I am like a teenager dreaming of my new car someday - but for this year we are saving $300 on car insurance - about $500 a year on gas - not having a car payment and endless more on service and repairs.
You have to talk to your husband - if he is refusing to sell his extraneous stuff and won't even consider alternatives to paying for his Godchild's education - a larger discussion about priorities might be needed (again NOT easy at all)
What I can say from learning from my own mistakes - Do everything you can to NOT touch your 401K and to NOT take out any more loans.
Please feel free to email me if you would like to talk.Sometimes just talking can help.
first- we all understand how depressing debt can be. it's a huge burden and the only way to feel it lift is to really get a handle on your finances and spending and start paying it back.
the idea of "letting the credit cards go" will come back to bite you and your family. it's not a good idea, you owe the money. negotiate with the companies directly and stop paying the debt management place. put that money to a credit card payment instead. you may or may not be able to negotiate a better rate than the management company, but you will have ownership of the process. be prepared that you owe the debt and the payments are not going to be easy.
the rest of the items that you listed are stop-gap solutions that won't get you anywhere but further in debt. the only way out is to make the lifestyle changes that many here have already pinpointed clearly by other posters. taking out an additional loan from either your 401k or a debt consolidation loan does not change the behaviors that got you where you are in the first place. without learning the hard way to change those behaviors you will find yourself in cc debt again and this time with a debt consolidation loan to pay as well.
i hope that you are able to talk to your dh about your priorities as a family. i think that until you are able to meet all your obligations you should not be paying ANY private school tuition (for your dd or anyone else).
as for getting your dh on board, you can be a "nag" (as you put it)- or you can live with the huge weight of this debt all by yourself. i would nag the living daylights out of him if it were me. and then? i'd nag him some more.
good luck. you have a big shovel, i hope you find a way to move some dirt with it.
andi
When we started our debt reduction journey we were making payments of 475.00 a month on an income of 3100 a month. Now that is way over the standard amount of 10% a month for debt payments. Like you it was killing us. See it doesn't make a different if you make a little amount or a big amount money it is the percentage that will kill you.
When a family goes over
It sounds almost like your husbands expects you to fix things without inconveniencing him!!
I'm not married and don't have children so take this in the spirit that it is offered: A shoulder to lean on or cry on or scream into if needed :)
1) Don't let the CC's go. As someone else mentioned, you spent the money, try and pay it back. I would cancel MMI and call the companies directly to set up payment plans. Tell them you are trying to avoid BK at all cost and see what they do. Some will even set you up on a plan so that after you have made x number of on time payments, they will waive the interest.
2) I'm not going to comment on private school. I am in Canada and have no idea whether its a real need or a perceived one. I will say that if your oldest two are doing great in the public system then
Bex -
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