A debt owed dilemma .. would love input

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2005
A debt owed dilemma .. would love input
18
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 10:30am

Luckily, other than my mortgage, I don't have debt ... but, reading your stories and watching your struggles has taught me so much. I've got one in college and one going next year, so these days I definitely need to save more and spend less. I don't want my kids to have student loan debt, so I'm trying very hard to save these days. So, thank you all for the inspiration.

On to my problem, and I'd love your input: My son recently had a trip with one of his sports teams. The kids all work hard and hope to qualify and make this one big national trip. A couple of weeks before the planned trip, another athlete on our team asked to room with my son. My son already had roommates planned, but this athlete had no other option, so we agreed to share the room and split the costs equally.

You know where this is going, right? This boy's share goes on my credit card because he brought no money or credit card. Upon returning home I have one contact from parent to "just let me know how much I owe and I'll send the check". I let them know and hear nothing. A week goes by, I send a "just checking you got my email about the cost, etc". I get a replay that yes they got it and "check will be mailed the next day." Its been over two weeks.

Now to my moral dilemma. I've since found out this parent has been out of work for a couple of years. Wife does work, but things are tight. Do I just drop it? Its not like I have money to burn, and with college, etc., every dollar is needed. But, we're not struggling.

I'm really torn because I've always believed you should pay your debts. In this instance, I'd be happy if he said something like "things are tight, I need time" or even asked if he could give me small amounts when possible. I don't understand just not doing or saying anything.

That said, I can empathize with just not having the money. What are your thoughts? Write it off? Pursue it? What would you do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2010
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 10:59am

I'd say be semi-honest. You know their situation so maybe you can be the one to bring up payment options?

Something like "I know everyone's feeling the pinch in these tough economic times - are you unable to pay this debt? I don't meant to pry but if you are having a hard time right now, maybe we could work out a payment plan to get this cleared up."
You could always go so far as to say you had to pull money from your savings account at i.e. 3.5% to pay their son's costs, and you'd be willing to work out a loan over the next 3/6/12 months at that rate for them to pay it off. That doesn't let them off the hook, but if they are having financial problems I bet your booty they've got creditors calling non-stop requesting undo-able payment arrangements. You giving them a reasonable payment option will still be doing them a favour and likely will give them a big sigh of relief.

Honestly, even if you can just afford to write the money off, I wouldn't. I don't think it does anyone a favour to do so.

Out of work for a couple years? To me, that's not acceptable when you have kids. One of those parents needs to get a job. McDonalds, gas station etc. Just my .02 !

Melissa
~ Mom to 5 ~
~ Melissa ~ ‎"We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us, if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity." - Barbara de Angelis
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 11:45am

Wow, what a thoughtful question.

Kate


empty purse

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2010
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 11:55am

I think that it is good advice to set up a payment plan or try. It is not fair to you to have to pay for the other kid when the parents were not honest. I am too quick to be too generous, myself. The thing is people that take advantage are learning how to work the system. That family found out how to get by. Remember the old saw,"Neither a borrower nor a lender, be." (yeah, yeah, I am one to talk)


If it would have been me or my family, we would have had to suck it up and not allow our child to go. I don't know how many team members you have but most competitive teams have enough so that one kid not going does not hurt the entire team.


We had the same type of situation and what happened was that we had fund raisers because my son's team played tournaments all the time and mostly out of state. As an aside, one of the boys from that team made it to the big leagues and is being called a phenom! He

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2005
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 12:24pm

Thanks for all of your thoughtful responses. I think I will try one more email about worrying that the check got lost. If that doesn't do it .. I'll try moving on to a payment plan or something.

I agree with Kate in that I wouldn't have let my child go OR I would have worked something else out OR been more honest up front. And, if they'd been more honest, we could have maybe split their share with the other roommate.

I'm trying to not embarrass them ... but, I may not have a choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 12:28pm
I agree with others that suggested a payment plan, or even partial payment. While I understand money is tight for those people, a trip with the team is a want, not a need. If people owe me money for grocery and if they are out of work, I may let it slide, but not trip money.
Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 12:54pm

I would call them, not email. It is very easy for people to avoid email. Just call and politely tell them that you understand things are tight for them, but they're a bit tight for you too, so you'd appreciate it if they would repay what they owe you.

They will probably be uncomfortable but they have put you in an uncomfortable position too.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 1:56pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2005
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 2:11pm

The parents arranged it. And, its around $500 dollars. Not a huge amount, but not insignificant amount either.

LOL, about email. It seems like that is how most of our communication is these days. My phone never rings (which I don't mind because I'm not a big talk on the phone person.)

Thanks again, everyone, for the input.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 2:30pm

I think bringing up a payment option is great.

Norma


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 4:03pm
What a pair of dishonest people! I hope you get your money back. Yes times are tough for them, but they're tough for everybody. It's pretty low of them to assume you can absorb the cost of their son's hotel stay.

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