i wanted to VENT

Avatar for camilionag
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
i wanted to VENT
13
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 3:38pm

I was reading an old post where everyone stated the purchases they regret. I wanted to vent and contribute in a new thread. My biggest regret has never been a major purchase because I'm not very materialistic. My biggest regret is loaning money to a "friend". I always made a rule that if I loan money I will never expect it back. I will tell the borrower that I want my money back but in my head if they don't pay it back I won't be in trouble.


I'm not upset that this "friend" has not paid me back $1000 from a year ago. I"M UPSET that I found out he went on 2 vacations recently. Of course he didn't tell me but we have mutual friends. This person and I no longer speak but I just can't imagine the nerve of people. I knew that he was desperate when he asked for help b/c he was in between jobs and I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 4:42pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-1998
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 5:59pm
We also have loaned $$ to friends/family when they are desperate. But my DH and I have a new rule that we do not lend any $$ that we can't afford to give away.
We also had loaned $$ to people who seem to put us at the bottom of their priorities on paying back. We watched as they bought a huge flat screen, a motorcycle, go on a week long holiday to Mexico etc. So now we have changed our priorities on where our $$ goes.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 6:11pm
I have to agree about lending money.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2010
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 7:30pm

Vent away!!


I decided long ago that I would not

Robyn CL- Debt Support Group


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 9:23pm

I have never lent money to anyone and I never will.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 12:55am

I am another who will only lend money to family members or friends if I am comfortable with not seeing that money again. I have a brother that I do not have contact with as he is the type of person who you only hear from when they need money which I recognized early on and he doesn't bother approaching me any more because he knows I'll tell him no.

On rare occasions, I will borrow money from a close cousin of mine (who I've been willing to loan money to when the need arose as well) and this cousin continues to be willing to loan money to me if I need it because I place family and friends first in the priority of being paid off. As I've said to my cousin, owing money to a friend or family member affects my relationship with that person. While, it may take me longer to pay off my credit card or loan as a result, I will continue to have contact with family members and friends even after I'm debt-free and would prefer that to be positive, whereas I don't have personal contact with my bank staff so don't have reason to be bothered with how they see me.

It does bother me to hear about situations where people say they can't afford to repay friends or family members, but are able to find ways to afford a vacation or the latest electronics or gadgets. Even if they are putting these things on credit card, they are still in a situation to make plans to be able to repay debts and choose not to.

Hopefully what I have written can be understood and isn't too long winded. (Study is interfering with my sleep patterns again)

Lyn

Lyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 7:20am
I loaned my sister $3,000 in December with the understanding that she would pay me back with her income tax refund.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 7:58am

Camilionag, I don't blame you for being upset.

Kate


empty purse

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 11:08am

I am sorry for your situation. Honestly, you need to let it go. Not for the person that you lent the money to or the relationship you had with them, but for your own peace of mind. You are better than that and need to move on.

Side note: Jeez Kate--those are terrible situations, what bad luck!

This is a tough one for me. My family knows I don't have a lot of money so they don't ask, nor do they need to. However, my kids are not out of school yet and have yet to be in a spot in their lives where they need to ask. I will have to play that by ear and by each situation. I am saving a nice little chunk for each child for school right now so I may very well have an issue with providing more. I am tempted to say I would have tough love but I don't know yet. Plus I plan on setting them up with a budget before they leave and educating them on an efund etc like I wish my parents had done.

I know I told you to let it go...and I try to do this myself where my ex husband is concerned but it is really hard. I try to console myself with the fact that I don't have to deal with his spending habits anymore(except the kids see the behavior and learn from it)but since we split up he has bought countless items and gone on countless trips in 3 years. Plus, in our settlement he took all the equity in our house and all the debt. I just don't understand him and I suppose I never will so I try to let it go. It still bothers me when makes large purchases and goes on trips but for my sanity I try to let to let it go.

I don't know how many times I said "let it go" LOL but that is my main advice here. So I think it probably would bother me if I lent money to someone and saw them going on vacations etc. Perhaps I should not lend money, I am not the type of person who could shrug it off.

We live and learn. You cannot control what others do, but you can control what you do.







Avatar for camilionag
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 11:51am

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice.


I wish I could say I will never lend money again but if I have savings in the bank and someone i care about does not have food to eat I know I will give. I wouldn't call myself a spiritual person if I didn't.


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