The rich get richer

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
The rich get richer
34
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 8:48am

Dh and I were talking this morning about how the only thing that is getting us through right now with all of the extra stuff we've been doing lately is his second job. He worked 1 day last week and made $200 dollars. He worked this week and he's working 2 days in a row in a week and a half. It's hard work...really hard, but it is saving us. Then I said that I wished we could just make due on what we make with our regular salary. But if we wanted to do that we'd have to downgrade a few things in our life...no cable, less cell phone, getting the electricity bill down etc. I guess at this time in our life we're willing to work harder to afford the smaller, finer things in life. Then our conversation jumped to our friends. Most of our friends work in the pharmaceutical sales industry. They get their cars paid for, their gas (wherever they drive, not just for work), their auto insurance, their cell phones...all paid for. They go to lunch and dinner with doctors all the time on the company dime, so that's less food they have to buy. Who knows, maybe they can even claim their clothing, haircuts and shoes as a business expense on their taxes. It just seems that as you get wealthier and more influential, more and more things become free. I could do a lot in my little life if I didn't have a car, gas, insurance, and cell phone payment. In fact, we wouldn't need that second job.

On top of all that, they go to conferences all over the place, Las Vegas, New Orleans...and the company pays for their meals, their alcoholic beverages (because they get totally drunk and party through their conferences). It just doesn't seem fair that the peons like us scrimp and save and pay for everything while other people get so many benefits. Oh well, nothing I can do about it!

Abbie


ReallyRosieAaronPhotobucketSmileyJacob










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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 11:30am

Have it occur to you that these people may also have INVESTED huge amount of time and money in college education, that they have student loans, that very often they delay having a family while advancing their career? Along with that, while the income is higher, the expenses are also higher. Appropriate clothing, dry cleaning, etc. all require money.

Ultimately it is a personal choice. I don't work in sales, but my work requires a lot of last minute travel. A colleague once complained to me that I get promoted much faster than he does. He has five children and cannot just pick up and go, nor could he afford the time and money to acquire additional graduate degrees while working full time (something I did). I told him it all comes down to choice. I decided my career is more important than having children (DH supports my decision). My colleague decided having a large family and being with them is more important. Those of us without children also often have to step in when someone has to pick up a sick kid from the daycare, someone's kid has a baseball game and needs to leave early, etc. This works both ways - more work, but also more to show for when annual review time comes.

There is no right or wrong answer, but we all live with the decisions we made in life, some are reversible, some are not.

Most business travel is not nearly as much fun as it appears to be. Yes, they fly all over the place but it is WORK, especially with the way airlines and TSA are doing things.




Edited 5/16/2010 1:28 pm ET by demontespan
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2009
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 6:33pm

Your friends are enjoying the benefits of the choices they made in their lives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 7:09pm

Hey Abbie,


I just wanted to mention that the pharmaceutical sales world isn't as great as it looks. Yes, they get perks, but they are also on the road like crazy. My friend just quit because she couldn't take it anymore. 10-12 hours a day on the road trying to cover a territory. Not to mention the days of "wining and dining" docs and pharmacists are ending. There are a lot of rules and regulations in place about what big pharma can and cannot offer docs and physicians (as it should be in my opionion).


And yes, PP is correct. You have different expenses. Clothes are a big one. The reps always have to look their best. And they have to be willing to travel if its necessary.


I am in a position now that requires a lot of travel and I get per diem mileage. Its great, but its hard. Its not a lifestyle for everyone. But it took me years to get here (a science undergrad, a policy masters and a few years in the government). I still have $28k in student loans to show for it (egads that number just looks terrible!!!)


All that to say, dont begrudge your friends for their lifestyles. Its just as likely that they are at home grumbling about how great it would be to be a mom with a crazy talent for the piano who can adjust her schedule to be there for her kids. They are mumbling about how it would be wonderful to have a DH that is so devoted to the family and how awesome it would be to have three great kids!


Keep your chin up Abbie, you're doing great!


Bex -


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift -thats why its called the present."


Bex -

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 8:40pm

Holy cow! I didn't expect to be razzed for this post, that's for sure. These are extremely good friends of ours and I wasn't trying to criticize them. The only thing I was saying was that it was unfair that people in very high paying jobs get all of their crap payed for when they can already afford it. That's it, end of discussion.

We also talked about Eminem, the rapper, who writes about the fact that now that he's rich, he gets everything for free. A simple conversation with my husband gets turned into a 'you DECIDED to have kids and that was your choice' debate. Not what I meant.

Sometimes I can't stand message boards because a stupid post gets turned around and makes me upset for the rest of the night. I certainly don't need that in my life!


ReallyRosieAaronPhotobucketSmileyJacob










iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 9:03pm

Ok, first of all, why are you assuming that I made different choices. I certainly made harder choices, but not different. I may have gotten pregnant at 19 but I worked a full-time job and went to school at night to get my degree.

I didn't hurt your feelings so why do I feel you are making this personal? I'm a sensitive, emotional person...a musician and an artist...I don't need people telling me that I didn't make the right choice to go to college. I did go to college, but then I decided to use my talent instead. I took 17 years of piano lessons with a concert pianist from Moscow. I would much rather spend my life teaching an art-form, creating music and touching people with the depth of emotion that comes out of my love for music than use my computer science degree any day. It is my passion and my love. I don't begrudge anyone their desk jobs. I'm happy I got out of mine. The only point I was trying to make was that when people become more successful in life, things start to come easier.

Second - We pay $80 dollars for 2 cell phones with no bells or whistles, no text, no media. We pay $120 dollars a month for cable, internet and home phone, the best deal I could find and when we were in debt with credit cards, we went without cable for over a year to help pay it off. I deeply resent the fact that you assume we are spending every penny we have and not saving and not making smart choices with our money...totally uncalled for. I am an educated young woman who came from a family of artists. I am not a drain on the system. My husband has risen up from being a teen dad, highschool drop-out and a heroine addict making 8 dollars an hour to being drug free for 10 years, having his truck driving license, making $30 dollars an hour. We are proud of where we are...we have made the best choices available to us and my topic was a simple vent on the fact that if our jobs payed for most of our bills life would be a lot easier. I don't think an attack on me with my small 'luxuries' like a measly cell phone plan and some simple family entertainment was warranted.


ReallyRosieAaronPhotobucketSmileyJacob










iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 9:17pm

Thank you so much for posting in a supportive way. I can't say the same for the other posters. I certainly wasn't expecting the responses that I got.

I can see that the pharmaceutical world is not all fun and games...I guess in my friends case they have it a little easier. They both got full sports scholarships to college and have had it kind of easy in life. One was a professional football player who was in the super bowl and his superbowl ring got him in the door at his current job. His wife was miss fitness USA so her gorgeous looks and great personality allow her to do way less than 10 hour days. Neither one of them did anything super special to have these jobs. 4 year degrees in criminal justice and exercise physiology with little to no school loans and now they are ridiculously successful. They are a lot of fun to hang out with, that's for sure!

The only thing I was trying to complain about was how they make about $250,000 between the both of them and they don't have to pay for their car, insurance, cell or gas. Yes, they do have more expensive bills...an $800 dollar a month heating bill for instance but that's their choice as well. They don't have to live in such a big house or have a heated pool!

But thanks for being nice about the whole thing. I kind of got my feelings hurt by the other posts. I can't stand it when I take these boards personally. It just makes the whole thing un fun.


ReallyRosieAaronPhotobucketSmileyJacob










iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2009
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 9:37pm

Simply stating facts based on your own exposition of how you spend your money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 11:28pm
You know what...you know nothing about me. I work for myself, thankyou! I find you highly offensive. Find some compassion...seriously!


ReallyRosieAaronPhotobucketSmileyJacob










iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 12:30am

Wow...I get your other post now. These ladies were a bit harsh, to be sure.

That said, it is frustrating how sometimes it seems that people with a lot, seem to get a lot of perks, when as you said, they can already afford the things like a car payment, etc.

Its funny you say that though, my experience has been the opposite. I feel like the more I stand on my own two feet, the less likely I am to get perks...particularly from parents/in-laws.

My husband is a pro-photographer. He stays home, which makes our bills a struggle, but we make it work. We see though that his sister, who stays home and is married to a catholic school teacher, can't make her bills. So his parents give them hundreds each month, and have offered to put their kids in private schools. She's a brillant teacher herself, but they chose the SAHM option.

Us? I work in corporate America, and DH"s parent's haven't so much as offered to take us to dinner. They see us as well off, so we are left to our own devices. Which is ok, but wouldn't the world normally reward those that work hard to stand on their own?

Its a similar story with my parents. One of my 4 sisters is an interior designer. Tough job, really tough industry. A few bad choices with some credit cards put her in serious trouble. Now, I fully expect my parents to help her, as I would help her or any family member in need if I were in a financial position to do so. My parents gave her a car. An Acura MDX to be exact, to help her offset any car payments....something they didn't offer to do for us, but we didn't have the same need. But it seems that in my experience that people in my life who have made choices that in the end, put them in a position that is a little closer to the edge of the abyss, get more help.

Its really interesting to see how different the two experiences are. You know, we still struggle. But I believe that someday my stability will come, and I won't have to ask DH's parents for a monthly allowance, or mine for a car...and I'll be the happier for it.

You seem to have the same ethic...work hard, make some tougher choices, and get what you need. Sometimes people just seem to have it easier, and that does seem unfair. But we all complain about something, right? The grass is always greener.....

Have a better day tomorrow posting! :)

Kris
Kris http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4061/4695321840_0353510e06_m.jpg
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 7:25am

Ya that's fair enough. I can see your point.


Just be proud of your accomplishments!!! You've managed to get through an incredibly trying time in your life. You've done a great job with those boys and its clear you adore them and they adore you. DH is a great provider.


Come here and vent any time sister! I'll always be here to lean on!!!


Bex -


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift -thats why its called the present."


Bex -

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