Is this a Support Group?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Is this a Support Group?
25
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 11:54pm

Who are these people who are posting nasty comments to me? I don't understand how people can be so uncaring and insensitive. Are these people going through all of my posts and then assuming they know everything about how I spend my money? Have I offended them in other posts? Do they know me?

I have had some past incidences with unsupportive posts, but not in a long, long time. I usually find this group extremely supportive no matter what I post. People here can think you are making mistakes or have different opinions but everyone here tries to be kind in their remarks. I feel that the remarks made about me are uncalled for. I don't deserve to be made to feel this way for a simple venting post. So whoever these people are that feel they have the right to post anonymously on a Debt Support Group are extremely unfair. Why don't you leave your name? Why don't you have any information on your profile?

This person posted:
"I really don't care what you spend your money on. You mentioned that your husband works very hard, and apparently this is to provide cable TV and expensive cell phone plans (yours seems expensive to me since I've never paid more than $20 a month for an unlimited plan) rather than to something with more lasting value. I think it is unlikely that anyone ever expired from the lack of cable TV. Just sayin'."

My Response:
$20 dollars a month for an unlimited plan? Please...where do you live? My husband does not work hard so we can pay for our cell phones, we make a little bit more money than that. He is currently working an extra job so we can build up our savings account and replace our carpets. If I could post four letter expletives on here, I could think of a few.

I keep on coming back to the same thing> Who is this person and what did I ever do to warrant the personal attack that was made to me on a Debt Support Group? This feels very personal to me...I have enough stress in my life and I won't accept this treatment here...my last stronghold...a place where I can come without fear of judgment to talk about my life struggles. The things said here are hard to talk about with friends or family, it's the reason I came here...to be supported through a very hard and difficult time. Everyone here knows that and has been through the same things so if you come here and break the rules of support, the rules of common decency, then maybe you need to not come back here.

Abbie :(


ReallyRosieAaronPhotobucketSmileyJacob










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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 12:11am

Hang in there, Abbie. I think sometimes, people just get a little offended when they have perhaps a harder side of the spectrum to start from. We're all trying to help ourselves, right?

Let me give an example. My sister complains about not having any money to buy gifts for people when its birthday time/xmas/whatever. But last night, says she stopped at the Burberry store and tried on an $800 trenchcoat, and needed help justifying buying it. I (of course) told her that I can't think of anyone who needs an $800 trenchcoat for any reason. But it irked me....she hadn't done anything to warrant a personal attack, but I certainly didn't put out any supportive or cordial comments there. I basically called her crazy via a condescending tone, and said I had to run.

I'm not justifying people giving harsh comments here, but sometimes, we have to turn the other cheek and just chalk it up to either (a) that person's ignorance or (b) that person's bad day or (c) that person's much worse situation.

Take the high road...and just let it go. It never does any good to engage with cranky people!
Have a better day tomorrow!

Kris
Kris http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4061/4695321840_0353510e06_m.jpg
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 3:13am

Abby


I would never tell anyone unless they ask me how to spend their money


I

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 8:05am

"my last stronghold...a place where I can come without fear of judgment to talk about my life struggles"


That's exactly how a lot of us feel.

Kate


empty purse

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 8:42am

just wanted to post a big hug to you abbie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 9:04am

Yes Abbie, this IS a support group.

Norma


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2009
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 9:19am

Just wanted to add my 2cents in here.

Lila
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2010
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 10:48am

Abby, I've learned over the years that when dealing with people online there are times when you just have to ignore comments. Someone might be having a bad day (week/month/year) and say things that are rude and uncalled for. In those circumstances, I just think to myself "wow, someone's sure got a burr in their pants today" and move on. Don't take it personally. The wonderful thing about online support boards is that you can choose to take the support, kindness and love personally, and discard everything else. Don't even give those negative comments space in your head.

If someone looked at my budget, I'm sure they'd have a few comments too. I have satellite at first glance that's a luxury, but the reality is that it's in our renters' leases that we provide it so we can't cut it out. My DH is still smoking, we still have an RV payment, and I still splurge on my kids birthdays. Just not as much as before. We are all doing our best in our individual circumstances and we are all at different points in our journey - none of us are perfect yet.

Melissa
~ Mom to 5 ~
~ Melissa ~ ‎"We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us, if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity." - Barbara de Angelis
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2003
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 11:09am
Wonderful comments!



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2003
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 11:11am

Melissa,


I'm so glad you are part of this board. Such wise words from you.




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 11:17am

Thanks to All for the positive comments. I was expecting to come on here this morning and be upset again, but you have all warmed my heart. My husband thinks I'm nuts that an online conversation could hurt me so much. I don't know why I let it bother me. I shouldn't let anyone judge me or my life or the choices I make in my life. I do the best that I can and no one is perfect.

So I'm going to go out today with my husband and my 2 year old, we're going to spend the day at the park and pack a picnic lunch and realize that we have it pretty good in life right now. Even though my husband works himself to death, no one could ask for a better spouse. Even though I sometimes can't stand my hours, I do what I love and am able to be home with my toddler.

Ok, Dh is yelling at me to get off the computer.

Bye!
Abbie


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