Introduction

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2008
Introduction
11
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 3:37pm

I have only been reading on this board for a few days and only at work. So needless to say I haven't gotten as far as I would like but I felt so down and depressed today that I needed to talk to someone. My family is no help and since I am raising my 5 yr. son on my own I have no one else that will listen.


I thought that when I was able to by my first house this past fall that my dreams had been answered. It was always a dream to me to be settled and have my son enrolled in a good school for kindergarten. But since then everything has went into the "toilet". I thought I was doing everything right but I got behind on my bills and now I can't seem to get caught up. We don't get any support, we live off my paycheck. I am trying to get a part-time job but that is hard as I would then have to pay an additional sitter. He's already in daycare most weeks for 50 hrs.


I am so depressed and down that I feel like quitting my job and never getting out of bed again. He is the only reason I keep trying. He told me the other day that he loves his room and our house. I didn't buy high, I paid $69,000.00 approx. so with taxes and insurance(esgrowed in) I only have $525.00 a month morgtage.


I am behind in my car payment, approx. $350.00 a month. I only have $1,500.00 total in credit card bills to date but they are also behind. I have a $2000.00 personal loan that I thought would be paid off when I received my tax check. But I had to pay up all my past due bills instead.


I have tried talking to a lawyer and since I filed bankruptcy, over 5 yrs ago, that is not an option. I have tried contacting credit counseling service and all they told me was I need to get my budget managed before they can do anything for me. If I could do that I wouldn't need them, now would I.


I pay out $320.00 in day care, which I am behind now for 2 months. If I don't get it caught up I won't be able to work anyway. I have no one that I can turn to for help. I would like to go after the sperm donor of my son but only have an old cell # and no known address at this time. Plus any money that I would have to give to a lawyer would come out of the already budget that can't be squeazed anymore.


Does anyone have any suggestions? I don't want to make anymore mistakes and contact the wrong service and be out more money that is needed to raise my son. I want him to be proud of me and I don't feel like I will ever be that. Please help me or least keep him & me in your thoughts & prayers.


Signed Sad, Single Mom


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
In reply to: chksmom
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 5:44pm

First let me say that your house payment is not out of line.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2008
In reply to: chksmom
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 8:30pm
One of my friends got a part-time (evenings) job in the child-care center at a fitness center. She was able to bring her two little girls with her. Plus, she gets to work out for free. Best wishes! Mary Jo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
In reply to: chksmom
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 8:34am
Just a few thoughts....you don't get child support and don't have money for a lawyer but you might still be able to go after the father for support. I don't know where you live but in many states if you contact a child support agency they can start proceedings to establish child support and can even help with locating the father. Another idea is to ask your daycare center if there are any programs available to help make child care more affordable since there are subsidies available for low income families.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2005
In reply to: chksmom
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 8:45am

The PP is right.

Jennifer


 


Avatar for londonrose2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: chksmom
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 9:26am

I know most people do not like to use public programs, but in your case, I think you should exhaust every option to see if you can get any kind of assistance since you have a child. I also know that there is this huge gap between the "poor poor" who easily qualify for stuff and the working poor who make too much to qualify.


That said, it's worth applying. Go for food stamps, heating assistance, child care etc. Go to your state's website and look at their health and human services pages. It's worth a try.


I also agree with starting with your son's daycare to work out a payment. In many respects, second to your house, that's the most important bill to be current on. Like you said, you can't work if you don't have daycare.


Keep us posted.

Kris

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
In reply to: chksmom
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 6:46pm

Hi there,


Sorry to hear things are such an uphill battle right now.


I wanted to also encourage you to check out what sorts of child support services your local county or state can provide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
In reply to: chksmom
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 1:12pm

(HUGS)


Hey Buddy,


Things are getting to you and rightfully so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2008
In reply to: chksmom
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 4:19pm

Thank you all for the advice and support. I was having an extremely bad day the other day. Isn't a whole lot better today other than I feel better. I was so wrung out & sore. I spent over 8 hours working on the yard on Saturday trying to get it into some shape since I can not afford anyone to help with it. Plus I like getting out in the fresh air, I just wish I had a riding mower to cut back on the time it takes away from my son. He's so good, he played outside the whole time on the front porch. Then he got his bubble mower out to help since it was taking so long and saw that I was struggling. So at least I know that I am doing something right in raising him. He is a very compassionate little man already.


I will definitely look into the different areas that were suggested. I have tried to locate his father with help from the last county that I lived in and he could not be found. But I will try again and again, because my son is starting to wonder and I'm sure as he gets older will need info for genealogy reports & stuff like that. So I won't give up on that aspect of things.


I live in a pretty small town, so we don't have anything like a Big Brother program but I am trying to check into the local YMCA. They are really expensive to join but I was told that they sometime have scholarship type programs that they run, for underprivileged kids.


I was instructed that our state (IN), has privatized the welfare reform, so I called and am getting some info sent to me. Hoping that I can qualify for the 4-C voucher program for his daycare. I was always told before that I made too much money but that was before I bought my house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
In reply to: chksmom
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 12:47am

Hey there,


Thought I'd weigh in a little since I'm from IN as well. :)


Definitely keep track of the child support enforcement office. I know here in my county--and other's I've heard of--they will do the paperwork for you. You just have to keep after them. Also, if you were to qualify for any of the programs such as Hoosier Healthwise or food stamps, that puts you up higher on the list. They want to be reimbursed for some of this by the other parent--gives them an incentive to do so! Also you can fill out the paperwork there to go after his income tax refund check if he's behind on his support. (If you have that awarded already.) When

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
In reply to: chksmom
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 3:24pm

I am sending positive thoughts to you and your son, and hope you'll keep coming back to this board for help and support. The women here are wonderful and will truly help you.


I agree with Mary Ann who said you must gather all your bills, statements, etc. and figure out exactly what you have coming and going each month. Please post that information when you are finished if you feel comfortable doing so as it will help us see what you can do now to make things easier. Sometimes it just takes an extra pair of eyes to catch something you missed.


Also, it is time to cut out extras. You mentioned you read the site at work, so I assume you don't have Internet access at home. Do you have cable? Can you cut that? Look into checking out books and movies from the library for your son. If he's anything like my kids at that age, he's happy to watch the same thing over and over again. Who needs variety?


As for food, apply for every assistant program available. Also see if there's an Angel Food Ministries in your area. You don't have to meet any guideline to qualify and not having to pay for groceries might free up some cash to take care of other bills.


Some members suggested seeing someone about child support. I hope you will. Even if you don't want the guy part of your life, he has to help support his son. At least look into

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