I am so scared - My introduction

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
I am so scared - My introduction
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 4:15pm

I have stopped into this board a few times and thought I would make an introduction but I have been too scared to do it. This is so hard for me and I am sure you all understand but it is probably difficult because it means admitting I have a problem and I have finally lost control.

I have a large amount of credit card debt - to the tune of over $21,000. I am married but I don't think my husband is aware of the debt because I simply don't tell him. My fear is partly because if he did know he would leave me because this is not the first time I've gotten myself in debt. He took care of it for me but he said if there was ever a next time, he would leave. I admit that he is controlling and can be a jerk but I am not in a position to leave myself...

We have four children from ages 12 to 2. I built the debt in the last two years after the birth of the baby (now 2) and also beginning to work at home. I would never ask my dh for money simply because I didn't want to hear how we didn't have it - though groceries were needed, diapers, clothes for kids, school supplies, gas in the car... you name it. I very rarely spent the money on frivolous things. It most always baby needs, food, and gas.

Today I think the fear has overcome me. The last two months I had very low business (and that is when I fell behind) but now I have finally built a decent clientèle in which I make close to $1000 on my own a month. But my cell phone has been shut off (which I do need), and today my dad's GF got a call from one of the creditors - I've never lived in the house my dad is in, and I have no idea how they would have gotten his information.

So now I am scared. I don't know what to do. I get phone calls all day long but I don't answer because I don't want to be harassed. I don't know what to do, I have no assets in my name, no savings... not even the house. Everything my dh controls so I know that a creditor can't take anything from me... but I want to take care of this on my own. Without involving my DH but I don't know where to begin.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 4:12pm
I'm sorry you are in a difficult situation.

It's okay to jump...you have wings! 

To move forward...you have to stop looking back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 6:40pm

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 8:14pm

I can't tell my DH right now it simply isn't an option. He's bailed me out twice before (once actually before we married). I don't want to make him responsible for this because he already takes care for everything else in the house. The only thing I am responsible for is helping with the electric bill which can run between $75 to $100 and my cell phone.

I am working on creating a budget but it's difficult because my money varies from month to month. As far as money in I can say the lowest I get in a month is probably around $600 (on the low end) and the highest is $1500... I know that's a large difference but it's a guess since I have landed some new clients (who haven't been with me a full month yet so it's hard to include them)... I would have to say the average is $900 right now. Plus I also pay out about $100 a month for outsourcing work I can't complete. So in all I average $900 and I pay out $300... that leaves me with $600 to play with or pay the CCs with.

I have been reading that I should write the companies each a letter asking them to not contact me by phone and only in writing. I've also read that I should write them and inform them of the change in my finances. Is this a good idea? I have considered the nonprofit credit counseling services also. I just don't know where to begin really.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-17-2008 - 8:15am

My advice would be to come clean with your dh now.