I hope I'm Welcome (can a boy join u)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
I hope I'm Welcome (can a boy join u)
Thu, 10-01-2009 - 4:29pm

Hi all,

I've been lurking a while and found you all very inspiring.

I'm incredibly overwhelmed and go in and out of denial about my debt problem.

Im a 39 yo boy (hope u gals dont mind), single with no dependents and overwhelmed with debt.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Thu, 10-01-2009 - 5:20pm

Welcome Duke!!

Boys are always welcome here - we just rarely have one show up!

Can you maybe give us some breakdown of where your money is going? Do you spend a lot on certain things? Extra-curriculars?

Perhaps if you gave us a better scope of where your money is going we can give you a better idea of where you might be able to cut back or save and put towards c/c's.

Do you use your c/c's daily? Weekly? If you are worried you would rack them up after consolidating (which isn't something I personally recommend because you are putting unsecured debt (credit cards) into a secure debt (home)). This could equal trouble. But anyway, if you are using your c/c's for daily use then you need to STOP all use of them. NOT using them will become habit. Lock 'em away - give 'em to someone you trust to hold onto - do what is necessary. Just don't use them.

I am a fan of having an emergency fund - efund - to get you started. You might not be able to bulid one up too fast but IF you do run low on $$ you efund will be there so you don't rely on a c/c to bail you out. Most people here support and encourage a $1,000 efund to start. But, it takes a lot of us quite a while to build up that.

Hugs to you - keep posting. We are here to support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Thu, 10-01-2009 - 7:32pm

I haven't figured out the ticker part myself but I can tell you that consoldating your credit card debt into a home loan is a bad idea.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2009
Thu, 10-01-2009 - 10:35pm

I think you hit it right on yourself: I tend to ostrich and then spend more.

Perhaps the first thing is to sit down and work on a budget? No more denial.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Fri, 10-02-2009 - 12:03pm

I agree with what everyone has said. I couldn't stop using my cards until I was permanently forced to stop using them. They were all in collections and closed because I stopped paying on them for months and months. I wouldn't advise doing that! But I would advise cutting up most, if not all of your cards. If the temptation is there, you will use it, and until you can learn to be responsible with credit cards, it's best to just not use them at all. And by responsible, I mean if you use a card, you have the cash to back it up and you transfer that cash immediately to savings so that when the bill comes, you can pay it in full!

You have to change your thinking. And you need to come up with a plan. Plans empower people. You make a good amount of money, but there must be some reason that you are in that much debt. What are you spending your money on? Are you living outside of your means, even though your means are above average? The easiest way I've found to see what you're spending your money on is to track everything. I do this with quicken software but it could be as simple as a piece of blank paper and a pen. Write down what you spend your money on for a week. When I did this, I found that my family was eating fast food and ordering out to the tune of $500 dollars a month. I was shocked! So for us, we have been trying to cut down on that and it's been a hard process because our lifestyle doesn't always support home-cooked meals. It's been something we've been working on for a year and we are much better now! I just did a report on quicken and for the last 12 months, we've been averaging $421 dollars on eating out each month. Last month, we only spent $300, so it's a slow and painful process changing your life, but it can be done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Fri, 10-02-2009 - 12:14pm

Oh a Duke! That is really refreshing because there are a few princesses on this board, myself included LOL!

You can get yourself out of this but you need to put the work into it. I also do not recommend taking equity out of your home to pay off credit card debt.

Put the cards away and start using cash. Come up with a budget and stick to it. We can help you with that. Some people find it helpful to write down every dollar they spend for a month to prep for the budget. You also see where your money is really going and what your habits are.

With the salary you have you will be surprised how fast you can make this debt go down. Then you won't feel so stressed but more in control of your money.

And by the way...girls you date don't think it is cool to have that amount of debt so get going on it Mister!!

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Fri, 10-02-2009 - 1:25pm

Welcome to the board. You are about the age as my son. He just turned 41 and all he has is debt and he makes more then you.

When my husband was getting ready to retire The Company brought in a man to talk to the men about retirement. The first thing he said was this Pay off your house before retiring. It is like having an extra Roth out there with a million dollars sitting in it. You might want to think about that before hanging more debt on your home. It is better to keep debt separate from the house always.

Another thing It is the little stuff that makes debt Not big stuff. It is the trip to Wendy's on your way home from work. Not feeling like cooking for one and having a pizza delivered. It is those things that make a debt most of the time for a single guy. And high price dates don't help either. But there are ways of getting around that if you put some brain power behind it.

My son it was the man

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Fri, 10-02-2009 - 3:08pm

First of all I want to say a BIG THANK YOU for your kind words and advice.

This includes maryann, marie, stacy, abigail, galstorelady and beepsmom(I think thats everybody)

I can and will do this....Yes I will

I got into debt because for many years I worked an extra part-time job ( an extra 15 k per year) and when I stopped three years ago my spending did not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Fri, 10-02-2009 - 3:31pm

did it work,


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Fri, 10-02-2009 - 3:32pm

Hi Duke,


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Fri, 10-02-2009 - 3:45pm

Thanks so much for your story Norma...

Unfortunately where I live you cannot keep your home if you claim bankruptcy (not that I want to).