Newbie here - need a shoulder!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Newbie here - need a shoulder!
Wed, 10-21-2009 - 4:31pm

I've been lurking around the past couple of days and have now realize that I can't take on this debt burden on my own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Wed, 10-21-2009 - 4:51pm

Welcome aboard...

I'm two weeks old to the board and it has been very helpful thus far...

Keep considering talking to your husband..he has a right and a need to know whats going on...

If you post ur numbers some of the folk on here are wizards with budgets...

Post often and slowly start setting some goals...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Wed, 10-21-2009 - 6:33pm

Welcome to the board.

I strongly urge you to talk to your husband. Hiding debt is not going to help your situation. Yes it will be uncomfortable but it's important that you both be on the same page. If only one person in a marriage is trying to pay down debt, you are not going to get very far. With both of you working together you'll be able to pay this down in no time.

Remember that things like Braces can usually wait. You need to focus on paying down the debt you already have.

Post your bills and other budget numbers. Let us see if we can help you put together a budget that will help you pay down this debt.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 7:12am

Welcome to the boards ... you've come to the right place.


empty purse

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 8:11am

Hi and welcome. I am very sorry you are going through this. I am about $15,000 in CC debt in total. It sucks but I am slowly chipping away.

I agree with the PPs. You need to tell DH. If he doesn't know, he can't help you and one person can't do this alone no matter how much you would like to.

I also encourage you to post your numbers here. A lot of us have done so at one point or another and its helped significantly to have fresh eyes take a look.

Good luck. Post often!

Bex -

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift -thats why its called the present."

Bex -

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 8:48am

Hugs to you. I can only imagine how hard this is for you.

I was hiding debt from my DH and he found out in a bad way (tried to use the c/c and it was declined and he called to get the balance and BAM - it all blew up in my face.) Anyway, does your DH know of any of the c/c balance? Does he realize that your finances have changed since your got laid off?

(you don't have to answer these questions on a post if you don't want - just stuff to ask yourself.)

Might I suggest a cowards way out? Could you leave the credit report and a note/letter on the table and let your DH see it one day after work? Could you take the kids somewhere for an overnight and then tell your DH you'll be home say an hour after he sees the letter. That way he can digest this information alone (you do not want to have this conversation around your kids) and you technically aren't "telling" him but he will know.

You can't fight this c/c debt alone. When I started my debt journey 17 months ago I had $28,000 in c/c debt and $15,000 in car loans (two cars.) And a mortgage.

Now I have $1,200 left on our final c/c to pay, $5,500 left on one car and we were able to re-finance to save $130/month on our mortgage. Good things and change CAN happen!!!!

And I got laid off in the process. I am unemployed now and it hasn't overly derailed our debt repayment.

If you feel comfortable posting your numbers/budget here people are great at helping with cutbacks and suggestions. Might you consider cutting cable for example or cutting out eating out if you do that?

Long story short is your DH needs to know about the debt so he can help stop it from growing. My DH didn't use c/c's but he used our debit card to the max so that we would run out of $$ and I'd need the c/c for groceries and gas. Now, we are BOTH on the same page with our money and we know what the other spends and we discuss any larger purcahses coming out of the account.

You can do this!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 12:17pm

Just because he grew up not having to worry about debt and money doesn't mean he can go all his life like that. You are both adults now and need to work through the money together. Tell him the truth and move forward.

Get another job. Make it your first priority after family of course. Put in a lot of time fixing your resume and looking for a job, net working etc. When you have exhausted your efforts in that capacity each day start thinking of other ways to cut your expenses and make a budget. Variable expenses, features you don't need on cell phones and cable, coupons for groceries or more frugal meal planning.

Once your husband sees the budget in black and white and everything you are doing to rectify the situation he will be more on board with setting goals for your family in the financial aspect and getting more involved. He will be proud of you and want to step us his obligation.

Good luck. 14,000 in all honesty is not that bad. You can do this. And pay all your minimums on the cars on time and your score will get better soon. On the same page as the budget you make list all your minimums and the due dates. Make that your first goal to not miss another payment or do one late.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 1:15pm

Hi & Welcome!


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 12:38am

Two things I have learned about debt. One crying doesn't pay it or worrying about it doesn't pay it either. You need a plan. Yes I agree tell hubby. Not a good thing to go into debt repayment when you have one person not knowing were you stand.

Most people don't get into debt by big amounts of money. It is usually little amounts a blouse here or there, a sale at a store you can't pass up. Picking up carry out and putting it on a credit card that you plan to pay off when the bill comes in but find out that you don't have the money. So you let it ride. That is how it happens.

I found out that getting out of debt pretty much follows the same path. First thing you have to know where the problem is. Looking at a credit report only tells you one thing did you make the payments on time. Study your statements. Learn how a company works. It has always amazed me that few people really look at their statement that much when it comes in.

Does the company or bank really charge you interest on the amount that you owe them or is it a made up balance that could be a few hundred more then the