A DH Needs Advice
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|Mon, 11-30-2009 - 12:19pm|
Hi everyone. I have been reading this board for a while, and find the advice given very interesting and informative. I wasn't sure if I could join because I am a DH, but I have an issue I'm dealing with and need unbiased advice. First off, my wife is incredible. She is my best friend. She is very responsible with money; we share all accounts, have emergency savings (3 mo.) we are still building, and discuss all financial issues in detail. We have a mortgage, credit card (cards since cut up) and student loan debt; no car loans. We are using the snowball method to pay off everything sooner. I feel that I am making sacrifices now for the best future for our family. My wife is making the same sacrifices; she buys just the basics and pay cash for everything. We live below our means, and know what comes in and what goes out. We rarely disagree on money issues except for this...
My sister-in-law has borrowed money from us repeatedly and never paid back a dime. My brother-in-law (DW brother) has been in and out of work since I have known him. He doesn't have a H.S. Diploma, and is adverse to using education as a tool for earning money. They have kids (so do we), and she leans on my wife every time they need money. I have already told them not to ask, but she had another "crisis" that put them in peril. When my DW wired her money recently I was furious. I could see if it was a one-time occurrence, but we will loan $500 or more and never see it again. I feel that my BIL and SIL are very manipulative. I feel very resentful to the point that I would much rather not deal with them. I just feel that if you are healthy, you can work. No job is beneath anyone when there are mouths to feed. My BIL doesn't share in these beliefs.
Am I being a jerk and should I have more compassion? I just feel that we are being taken advantage of even when we visit. The amount of money loaned/given is in the several thousands. It makes me very angry, and I have voiced this (loudly). This ongoing issue has caused a wedge in our communication. I am hoping that the wired money was the last time. Sorry about the length of this letter. Please, if I need to take a chill pill, let me know. Thanks for any advice.