want to give up!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2007
want to give up!!
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 4:27pm
I was on this board a few years ago but have decided to come back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-1999
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 5:05pm

sorry you are going through this right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 10:39am


Welcome back. I loved that movie Pretty in Pink LOL!

I am sorry for your situation. Don't give up. This can be worked out.

Here is my advice:

You should look at your debt in chunks, not as a whole, and concentrate on what you can control, not on what you can't. Are you paying on your student loan? Can you put that in forbearance for now to give you some breathing room?

If not make the minimums on the student loan and the car loans.

Do you have an emergency fund of $1000? you must get this in place first to stop you from charging. Get rid of your cards but don't close your accounts.

I would concentrate on your CC debt. Make a spreadsheet(or write on paper) all the minimums and their due dates. Then pick a target card to get rid of first. Some say you should pick one with the smallest balance to give you momentum and some say pick the one with the largest interest rate. It is up to you which one you choose.(make a game out of paying this off and stop the shopping game!!)

Track your progress and show DH. He will come around eventually. Mention your lack of shopping and how you are doing something to make it better for the both of you. Tell him(or show him on paper) how much easier it would be if he helped.

You could try to make more money also to throw towards the debt. That will also show DH how serious you are. Tell him you want weekly meetings with him to go over the money. It is his responsibility too.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2010
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 10:58pm

I understand where you are coming from! I tried to pay down debt for years while my husband was a bit more focused on living in the NOW. Over the last few months he has done a 180 & is completely focused on paying off debt. A lot of it was because HE was ready to change, but I helped him understand how different our life could be if we tackle this debt. I showed him where our money was going & how our dream of owning a 2nd house could be reality if we made some changes.

My advice is to keep it simple & focus on one thing at a time. I would just track where your money is going for a while & then try to make some small painless changes in how you spend. Try to get his buy-in & be ready to compromise. I hope that if your husband is like mine, he'll see how your current lifestyle can be modified to ensure a good future and want to make some changes.

Good luck!

First Debt BUSTED 2/12/10

First Debt BUSTED 2/12/10 Second Debt BUSTED 2/26/10 Third Debt BUSTED 3/19/10
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 3:54am

I have been on my debt free journey for a little over 2 years and I am not a follower of either Suze or Old Dave but both have good points. Plus there is others out there that I have read.

A few things I think that even your husband will agree on. The more money he has in his pocket the more money he has to spend So it is good to be debt free so this will be the case. Maybe for a while he will be willing to work with you to be debt free if someday this will be the case for him.

I am not a big believer in selling cars unless you really have to because you find that you are in the end paying for something that you don't have. Cars never sell for what is owed on them. Best thing is to cut cost somewhere else to get snowflake money.

You said you were a shopper There is a woman on TV that her big thing is before you go and buy something say to yourself " do I want this or do I need this "

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 9:19am

Sorry you are going through this. I agree with Gal, look at the debt in chunks.

First, stop adding to it (no more CC use) and get an efund so that if something does come up, you have the cash to pay for it.

Then focus your energy at one thing at a time. CC is usually a good place to start

Bex -

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2007
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:32pm
Thank you, thank you everyone for your replies!