The Adoptees' 10 Commandments

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
The Adoptees' 10 Commandments
37
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 12:17am

I thought I would show this to you.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 10:31am

To an extent, I can understand protecting birth parents' anonymity, but I cannot comprehend withholding medical records.


Aren't more adoptees and birth parents registering with agencies that connect them?

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Avatar for patgalca
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 2:33pm

I have something to say on the matter. I really think it depends on the situation. Of course I agree that medical records should be accessible. In fact, I wrote a short story wherein a woman called her daughter's biological father because she needed a bone marrow transplant. He refused to cooperate, didn't like needles, etc. etc.

My own personal experience? My husband adopted my 12yo DD. She does not know that he is not her biological father. Bio dad wanted nothing to do with me therefore her too. She has never known the man but has seen him in pictures as "Daddy's friend". He was a friend of DH. But DH was with me throughout the pregnancy and delivery. We separated for awhile and we got back together and when bio dad saw we were making a life together (another child on the way) he asked DH to push for the adoption so he could get out of support payments. DH was more than willing. He thinks of DD as is own and sometimes forgets she is not... so do most people.

Now I have not told DD this and hesitate to do so for several reasons. What kind of a whore was I? Do I want my daughter to know that I slept with two men in one week and didn't know which one was the father? Do I want her to begin throwing back at DH that he is not her real father (she is almost 13 after all)? Do I want her to think her sister is not her sister? They fight a lot and she has often said "Why did she have to be my sister?" I know she is her sister, but she may see it differently. And then there is the can of worms that can be opened... bio dad has at least 3 other daughters (by 3 other women).

I don't need any lectures on this. We (DH and I) have been to counselling about it. It is our decision to make and one day when we believe she is mature enough to handle it we will tell her (probably when she's 18!). As was mentioned, bio parents have the right to their privacy, especially if they have made new lives for themselves. But, every situation is different, every individual is different. One cannot speak for all.

Pat

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 8:25pm

I'm not sure I should say anything or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 12:13am

v
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 1:46am

I would love to read your short story!

v
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 2:47am

I'm not sure I should say anything or not.

v
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 7:18am

Thank you!

Avatar for patgalca
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 8:48am

Thanks for your support Vivi-Anne. As for my short story, ach! It was the very first one I ever wrote and is not very good. I have learned a lot since then. But if you REALLY want to read it I can post it or forward to you through email.

(((((HUGS BACK)))))

Pat

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 9:52am

The abridged version:


The beginning of my

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 8:38pm

I appaud your dh, Lynda.

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