Pregnant at 39 and scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Pregnant at 39 and scared
6
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 10:23am
I just found out I was pregnant and I will be 39 in two months. I am a single mother of one and she will be 8 in September. I am really not sure what to do and need some advice. I have only been dating the man I conceived with for about 3 months and our relationship is not the most stable right now and we are both recovery alcoholics. In January I received Christ into my life. I am not sure if God would forgive me for having an abortion and this is something that is important to me (to have his forgiveness). Also I am not currently working and am living with family. Any advice would be helpful!!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 10:46am

Hi Crystal,

Normally I would say "congratulations" at this point, but since you are not sure what to do, I will say that I hope you are able to come to peace with whatever decision you make. Your relationship with this man is in its early stages and you say that it's not stable, so I wouldn't even count him in this equation when making the decision. Personally, I think what you do with the baby at this point is more important than keeping him (if you decide to have the baby and he doesn't want to). (But if you do decide to keep the baby, he is responsible for financial support where the baby is concerned and I hope you will remember that.) Do you have a minister or a priest you can speak with about this? It may help relieve your mind.

There are a lot of factors that go into all this--you live with your family. Would they help you raise this baby or would you be solely responsible for it. You said you're a recovering alcoholic (as is he). How long have you been sober? If just recently, and actually even if not, you need to get prenatal care to make sure your baby gets everything he or she needs.

Since you are worried about not receiving God's forgiveness if you have an abortion, would it be an option for you to have this baby and give him or her away for adoption? Birth moms who give their babies away to couples who can't have their own children are selfless, in my mind, and are providing one of the greatest gifts they can.

Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck in making this very difficult and important decision!

  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 10:47am

I don't know weather to say congrats or not, but what the heck, congrats. I know it must be really hard for you, but with the help of God you will get through it. You have a lot to think about and Lois is right you need to think about yourself right now and how you are going to deal with the situation. Since you haven't been seeing him for very long, he may not stick around after he finds out, but then again he may be very supportive. It is your decission, you are the one who has to deal with this.
As for weather or not to have an abortion and will God forgive you if you do. When I was younger I had an abortion and then when I finally tried to get pregnant I had a really hard time conceiving. It took me years. I always wondered if it was some type of punishment from God that he wouldn't let me get pregnant again, but when I finally had my first child she was perfect and I knew that God doen't punish us for our acts, he accepts us as who we are and loves us no matter what our decisions are. So if you decide to have this baby, just remember it is a gift from God and if you don't God will still be there for you, he wont abandon you.
I wish you the best of luck in making your decision and let us know what you decide.

Jill

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2006
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:07pm

This baby may be the answer to someone else's prayers. Through adoption you could give an infertile couple the most precious gift ever. Some couples will pay for all your expenses, so you wouldn't need to worry about medical bills. Please look into it. I believe abortion should only be considered if your life was in danger or, in the case of multiples, if the presence of a "bad" embryo will jeopardize the the life of healthy embryos (selective reduction).

Please, no heated arguments regarding my beliefs.

Focus on your DD, sobriety, and your relationship with SO. Take care of your precious cargo and see that s/he finds a loving home.

Good luck to you,

Kellie

 

Lilypie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2007
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 5:13pm

HI Crystal,

I don't know if you made a decision yet, but i do want to share a little bit of my my life with you, and maybe you can see not all things are dark and scary. Currently I am 40 having my 5th child. I am Currently married and have been for 2 years. Life is pretty wonderful right now, but it wasn't always like that. My first marriage was a disaster. I had two baby boys one of them was 2 and the other 1, they were 11 months apart, we could barely feed them. don't worry I went hungry they didn't. then I found out I was pregnant with my third child, my X at the time, seemed to get more violent and when I was four months pregnant he decided to hit me and knock me into a chair, I called the police, and packed my children my pregnant belly and what I could into my car and left. There I was no job, no money, 2.5 children, I went home to my mother. Thank god she was there or it would have been a shelter for me. I filed for divorce, they re-poed my car, and I was forced to file bankruptcy. A few months later I gave birth to my oldest daughter. Then 3 years later I met another man.. moved in with him (stupid choice) and ended up pregnant again.. I had another baby girl. This new guy I never married he decided that drugs were more important than the children or his job or the property he owned. he sold his property and moved us back in with my mother, until finally he decided to leave state, Then he got high and drunk and killed someone and went to jail for 7 years. my youngest is now 9 years old. I have no contact with him, I collect no support from him, and neither he nor his family has ever tried to contact me about my daughter. (and I like it that way)

See it may seem dark but if you have help from your family you can get through anything. Even if you have to do it on your own, there are many groups that can help you, with all your needs. Dont give up hope. My life seemed dark and going no where, but here I am having baby number 5 happily married, have my own house. my Car is paid for. And I got an Education by going back to collage and learned how to do something to support my family.

Look for your silver lining around this dark cloud you are feeling and things will work out for the best, what ever you decide.

Dyan




iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2005
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 5:30am

Hi,


I got pregnant with a man I was just starting to date at 39 and had the most wonderful baby on earth and have not regretted it for a moment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 2:01pm

I understand how you feel and i am so sorry for your pain. I am almost 41 and found out I was pregnant. We had to terminate the pregnancy due to medical issues(mine). I was in extreme pain and I can tell you even with those factors it was heart breaking. I wanted to let things happen naturally but I was in the ER a few times and was given so many pain medicines I feared the baby woudl not be normal. This has been recent and I don't want to start debates but I do believe God forgives us for everything if we ask. Believe me I have prayed and prayed with my husband before and after this ordeal. I do feel forgiven but I can tell you I feel devastated. If I could take it back I prob would although I know again the pain would be horrible. We have even discussed a surrogate or adoption but both are so expensive I don't see how we could afford either option.

Just think hard as we get older we don't always have the option for more kids. If I know of something that coudl improve my condition I would try and conceive again that is how stronger I regret what happened. But I know there are no answers.

Just look into your heart and maybe like someone suggested you coudl put the baby up for adoption. Good luck to you and I feel your pain.