When to tell the family?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2007
When to tell the family?
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 9:05pm

I know some of us can't wait to tell everyone the good news, but others want to wait until after the first trimester before announcing the news.

I have been married for 18 years, and we never wanted a baby, never thought we would, so telling everyone is going to be a big, big deal. I have crafted a plan to fly back to the West coast to tell our parents, siblings, and oldest friends right at 3 months (before my belly announces it as I walk into the room!)

For my local friends I am having a really hard time keeping it to myself. I want to tell everyone! I have four local dear friends - my brat pack - who have been in on the plan since the first day. I have told two of them, and they both burst into tears. I plan to tell the other two this week, but once it gets out I am afraid it will be hard to control the news here at home.

DH could wait until month 8 without mentioning it to a soul, but realizes I need a lot of support, and is fine with sharing with a few close friends. I have dear friends, though, who I am not planning to tell, and I worry they will be hurt, and sad I am missing out on their support in these early days.

Is anyone else going through this? Has anyone told *everyone* only to have take it back a few weeks in? Has anyone been hurt by a friend keeping it to themselves? I admit to feeling that way when my sister-in-law told us all the same weekend at the beginning of her 4th month. I also can't quite believe I am actually pregnant, and am still taking tests every couple days. My first OB appointment isn't until January 30, which might as well be in 2009!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 10:39pm

Hi, congratulations on being pregnant. FYI, I'm not pregnant but thought I would share my views. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with telling people, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with keeping the info to yourself until you're ready...it's not anyone's "right" to know.

But please bear in mind that these type of announcements can take on a life of their own.

FYI, I told my family I was pregnant early on--about 6 weeks... We told all our friends around the 16 week mark...Sadly, we had to tell everyone I miscarried shortly thereafter. The problem is that the people we told went on and told other people...but they didn't relay the miscarriage info onto these other folks. So, we were getting congratulatory emails, cards and phone calls while we were grieving for the loss of our baby.

If I ever got pregnant again, I would tell our immediate family (parents/siblings) and no one else. I would send out a birth announcement AFTER the baby was born. :-) Due to my history of miscarriages, all our friends would understand...

Anyhow, that's just my personal story.

I think a lot of people feel it's safe to make the announcement after the end of the first trimester. Generally if you make it that far, you and your baby will have a happy outcome! :-)

Good luck! And again, congratulations! And remember, there is no right or wrong answer...just whatever is the most comfortable to you and your DH...


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 11:01pm
I went through this with this pregnancy (I'll be 35 weeks tomorrow).


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 6:16pm


I will be 41 this month , and this too will be our first.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2008
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 5:02pm

I just found out I was pregnant on December 24th, after my second IVF transfer.