Thinking about a 3rd

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Thinking about a 3rd
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 9:54am
I can't believe I'm here. Last time I visited I was going through a brutal divorce and found so much support. Nearly 2 years later, I have found a wonderful man and we're thinking about having a child together. YIKES. I'm 43, have 10 and 11 year old boys, and am finally really concentrating on my career (going to school to get an advanced degree as a nurse practitioner). My SO is 48 and lost his pregnant wife 8 years ago to a drunk driver. He has no other children. He's wonderful with my boys, but we want to have a child who is a reflection of both of us...but sleepless nights? Diapers? I loved being pregnant and relish the idea of carrying another child, but I did have my tubes tied and would probably do IVF rather than reversal. This is such a huge life changing undertaking, and I would love any feedback. When I had my first two, it was a no brainer. I was 30 and ready to be a mom. Never thought I would revisit the idea...but then, I didn't see my divorce coming, either.
My SO definitely has the financial resources to support this decision, but I (selfishly?) fear that I will stall on my career path, after having struggled for so many years to get to the point where I can truly pursue my dream. Can we strong, vital, wonderful women REALLY do it all, while still doing it well? HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 9:09am

If you want a baby go for it FAST.


A baby is a gift from God

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 10:56am
Thank you for your reply. I just never thought I would find myself here...first of all divorced, then even contemplating having another child at 43. I am a nurse and know all of the possible complications that grow greater with age, but am not terribly worried about that, since most pregnancies result in very healthy babies.
My boys are 10 and 11 and I worry how they will react to sharing their lives with another sibling, although I suspect they will adore her/him. They've both always wanted a little brother/sister.
It is very different, at this point, and I admire your determination and taking your career and motherhood equally by the hand. I am much in the same position, having just started a new job that could lead to a wonderful future for my kids and me.
I guess the bottom line is that I just have to be very certain that this is the right decision for all of us, not just my boyfriend and me. I know how important it is to him. He lost his wife when she was 6 1/2 months pregnant when a drunk driver hit her.
Anyway, thanks again, and good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 2:34pm

I feel your pain... I just went through a divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 6:43pm

well im going to be 42 when I plan my next baby and I would say that having our "Ours" baby was the best thing that ever happened to us.. it was shock and well now its a blessing yes I have my 4 and he has his 2 now we have our baby boy and I want one more to make it eight!

I was teasing my other children and told them I was making replacements.. they laughed at me...

Anyway I say if you can do and want to do it go for it, you can still work, and do it all at the same time and yes you can do it well too.

Good luck

baby Mikey at 2 months Wow what a change

baby development

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 12:40am
Thank you for your calming advice. I really don't know if this is meant to be for us, but it is certainly nice to hear from those who have shared the same issues and concerns. I have no fear of raising another child, and my boys have always wanted another sibling, so I'm not concerned about that. I think my biggest issue is just making sure that it is the right decision, given all of the trauma we have all experienced in the past 2 years. Then again, it may be just what we need to heal! It's amazing how a new life can bring everything else into perspective.
Good luck with your decision. Hope you get some rest!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 11:26pm

I am not pg, ttc'ing my 4th.