Is it my age, my personality or what?

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Registered: 06-07-2008
Is it my age, my personality or what?
6
Sun, 04-05-2009 - 10:47pm

When I first found out I was pregnant, it was a complete shock-- never been pregnant ever and I'm 42.

John's wife and Michael and Jenna's mommy, my 3 blessings and another "surprise" blessing on the way, due October 11th!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 10:30am

Patty you and I are in the same boat.

Luann(41)

Ray(40)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 1:14am
You are totally normal! I know of so many moms of two (or one, or three!) who feel overwhelmed when expecting a third, more often than not actually. Don't forget that your hormones do tend to make you less patient than you would normally be, more tired, feel less up to handling things than usual. Be patient with yourself too! The ages of your children do play into it too. The best thing you can do is to work out a regular time with your DH when you can take a break from the kids and do whatever you want to do. Since we started doing that it has made SUCH a huge difference to how I feel about the kids. I have 4 children, and the younger two are 4 and 2, so I am dealing with a lot of the same things at the moment, just without the pregnancy hormones! Hang in there, it will get easier and yes, you CAN do this!

Michelle


Loving Mom to three

Michelle


Loving Mom to three rambunctious 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 1:29am
Luann, I feel your pain! I have been going a little crazy with my kids (13,10,4,& 2) and their "I wants" and "get me this" too, and so I have recently changed my approach, since what I was doing was NOT working! It is starting to help, but I it has only been a short time and I need to work on being more consistent. I will share with you what I have been doing, if it helps you great, if not, just take it with a grain of salt! Remember though, that you are also dealing with pregnancy hormones which don't help the situation, and at the moment I am not. At the risk of overstepping my bounds I will share, but please know that this is coming from another mom who still has much to learn. Anyway, I started to insist that they show more respect to me no matter what they want. They must not only say please, but must use a good tone of voice, or I simply will not get them whatever it is they think that they need. That is it. Well, I guess I also give time outs for bad attitude, but it is the first part that is more effective anyway. I know it isn't much, but it is truly amazing what a difference it has already made. It was suggested to me, and I realized that I was letting them boss me around too much by letting just that one little thing slip by. I was more careful when my eldest was younger, but I guess I got careless when the family grew and then the disrespect grew too. Oh, I hope I have not said too much, please don't think that I am trying to tell you what to do or criticize or anything like that. Seriously, feel free to ignore what I said! I just hear your struggles and I want you to know you aren't alone. (((Hugs)))

Michelle


Loving Mom to three

Michelle


Loving Mom to three rambunctious 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 9:35am

OMG Michelle..no no ..THANK YOU!

Luann(41)

Ray(40)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 1:12pm

I am SO glad you aren't upset with me! Your oldest sounds just like my 4 yr old, I have to really "sit" on him to keep in line at all! He is NOT like my older boys, they were a challenge too, but not like this one, lol!

If you feel he is doing it for attention, then only give him the attention he wants when he is doing something nice. I remember someone saying that we give them our attention when they are in trouble, but we rarely go out of our way to give them that same kind of focus when they are just playing nicely. It is so true! It is so much more tempting to focus on getting things done around the house when they are being good than to take even more time out to sit down and enjoy them!

As for structure, that is something I am trying to work on in my own family. I am not a real structure person and it is a huge struggle for me, but I have come to see its value even for the more relaxed times. I think if I can ever get more structure in their day and mine, our lives will all be so much more peaceful and content. Structure does not mean that you can never do anything spontaneous, you can always chuck it for a day, but if you feel your children respond to it then it might be worth considering, even on the weekend. If you can have a scheduled time just one on one with your oldest (maybe while the others are napping or busy watching a favourite show) and he knows it will be his alone, you may find that he settles down and does not need to act out as much.

One thing that I used to do with my older boys when they were that age was to periodically take them on "dates". It would be just the two of us, we would walk down to Wendy's and my son would buy us each a frosty. I would give him the money of course, but he would have the privilege of buying it for us. I would treat it as a "real" date, teaching him how to treat his date as well as just spending some special time with him. Whenever one would start acting out more, I knew we were overdue for a date. I learned this from a friend of mine who had similar issues with her son. Somehow things got busy and we got away from doing that and I truly miss it. We have moved now and it is harder to do something special like that, so I need to come up with something that will work for us now.

Oh dear, this got long! Again, if there is something useful here that is great, if not, just ignore me!

Michelle


Loving Mom to three

Michelle


Loving Mom to three rambunctious 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2008
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 6:57pm

Thanks Luann and Michelle.

John's wife and Michael and Jenna's mommy, my 3 blessings and another "surprise" blessing on the way, due October 11th!