Choosing between husband and baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Choosing between husband and baby
12
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 8:33am

My daughter passed away a year ago this past September. A few months after I lost her I found out I was pregnant again. That pregnancy resulted in a m/c. I found out a couple of weeks ago I am again pregnant. I am happy and my husband is not. He told me he didn't want it and I should have an abortion.....I refused.

We were having dinner two nights ago and he said best case scenario for us is that the baby would be sick and I would have to abort her. I was devastated. How can a man that tells you he loves you say something incredibly cruel?

We don't' talk about the baby, he didn't go with me to my doctor's appt., and he didn't ask how it went. I can't share with him the things I find for the baby and I am so hurt. I can't begin to express how crushed I am, I want to die.

I told him the marriage is over and he has to leave and he said he is not getting excited about the baby and is ok with it. How do I do this on my own??? I am so scared and hurt. How can you love someone and be so selfish, how can he turn his back on us?

I am so alone....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 11:03am
I'm so saddened by your story.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2008
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 3:43pm

First of all ~ Big Big HUGS to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2009
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 12:51am

I was thinking the same thing as the previous poster.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 1:00pm

I agree with what the other wise ladies said... and also hope you have some counseling available for the two of you.


When I found out I was pregnant this time (married 23 years, completely unplanned), my DH was NOT thrilled, nor was I.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2009
Mon, 10-26-2009 - 1:49pm

My heart goes out to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2008
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 4:50pm

OK, I am not pregnant but I lurk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2009
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 1:58pm
Courtney - how are you doing? I am 27 weeks pregnant with a little boy that has full trisomy 18 and they are inducing me next week, so I have been watching for you.

~ Jodi ~


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Sat, 11-28-2009 - 9:05pm
Jodi - I'm so sorry to hear of your news. I don't remember reading a post about this, but if I did and I shamefully forgot about it, my sincere apologies. How thoughtful and caring of you to reach out to another mom during such a trying and difficult time for you. My thoughts will be with you next week. If you care to share your feelings or thoughts, etc., please do so. If not, I completely understand and totally respect your desire for some privacy and healing. I wish I could say or do something to help ease your pain and suffering. Best wishes to you always, and please take care. Big, big hugs to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2009
Sat, 11-28-2009 - 10:56pm

No apologies - I hate to post a lot but not because I mind talking about it, it's really because I do not want to scare anyone.

~ Jodi ~


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 10:56am
Jodi - thank you for sharing the link to your blog. I just read it and am still sitting here with tears streaming down my cheeks. Partly because of the sadness I know you and your family are feeling, but mostly because of your love for him that is so obvious in your words. A friend of mine endured a situation very similar to yours. She learned during her first pregnancy (at the age of 34) that the son she was carrying had Trisomy 18. They induced her just as they're doing with you. As time goes on, she finds it easier to talk about. She dealt with her situation very differently than you are. I commend you for expressing your thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc.. While I'm sure it's helpful for you to express your thoughts, it's also helpful for other women to learn what an experience like this is like from someone living through it. I fly to Toronto next Mon (Dec 7) for my amnio and while we all hope for a good outcome, I'm thankful that you are sharing your story and experience. Thank you for that. I'll continue to keep you, Michael, and your whole family in my thoughts this week. Best wishes to you and stay well.

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