When and if to tell Facebook friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
When and if to tell Facebook friends
6
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 5:07pm

I was trying to decide when I might post something on Facebook to tell people I'm expecting. It feels a little too soon just now-- partly because of my high-risk status due to my age (42- and 43 by my due date) and a couple other issues. But I also haven't quite figured out how to answer the inevitable question(s) someone I haven't seen in a while will ask about paternity, which I may not

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 1:42pm

I find your post hilarious (and timely!) b/c we just announced our baby news on FB YESTERDAY!

I guess, b/c I'm a stay-at-home mom, FB for me is purely social-networking...not "professional-networking" if you will...I don't have former bosses, supervisors, etc. on there.

We did wait until we hit the 12-week mark b/c we've had multiple losses over the years and I just didn't feel like sharing the "we are" "now we're not" info with every adult that used to sit next to me in 6th grade! LOL

For us, I just KNEW the over 40-crowd was wondering..."was this a planned pregnancy?" And so after I posted on my wall, I commented on my own post and said,

"And YES, the answer to the million dollar question is WE WERE trying...LOL"

That way I knocked the wind out of any potential..."what were they thinking" sails!

I agree with the other ladies, perhaps you can begin formulating in your mind how you are going to respond or CHOOSE NOT to respond to that very personal question!

Good luck with the pregnancy!!!

Valerie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 12:12pm

I think everyone's entitled to an opinion, and I find all replies helpful.


That's funny about being outed by someone else-- I almost outed myself around New Year's by trying to post a private message to just one friend that somehow ended up on the news feed. It stayed there for a minute even after I deleted it, but luckily not long enough for anyone to see it (or comment anyway). I definitely wasn't ready to tell everyone just then- my whole family didn't even know yet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 11:11am

I'm not on facebook so maybe I'm not entitled to an opinion but that's never stopped me before.


I don't think it's tacky at all.

Susan L.



Robert Edward Xavier Lin - Born July 31, 2010 at 5:56AM, 6 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long. He spent 2 weeks in the NICU but he's doing great now!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2008
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 9:16am

I don't think it's tacky at all. I was in the same boat until recently. I waited to tell anybody (other than the daddy) for as long as I possibly could, just because having to share news of a miscarriage would be so painful. Even after our family and non-virtual friends knew, I still didn't put anything on FB for a while. There comes a time when it feels awkward for people not to know ("why didn't you tell me sooner????")


But I didn't want to post something like "hey, uh, whoever doesn't already know it, uh, I'm knocked up"... What I wound up doing at around 18 weeks was to post simply, "Boy or Girl?" That got people curious and was a way of easing into the topic. It also made people think that maybe I had posted something earlier about being pg and they'd just missed it. I was surprised that a fairly large number of people (who I know go on FB regularly) had no comment at all. Harrumph!


Even though I'm really showing now there are still people at work who don't know. It's very awkward to go to a meeting and blurt out, "ohbythewayifyouhaven'talreadyfigureditoutI'mpregnantandnotjustgainingrandomamountsofweightinmybelly!


I would recommend waiting another few weeks. You'll be inspired with the right kind of post.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 10:24pm

Thanks for yet another thoughtful and balanced reply. This isn't an urgent issue, but I would like to share the news with people from my past who I may not speak to daily. I have a whole group of Facebook friends from

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 9:08pm
I can't really offer you much advice other than to say I think it's a very personal thing. I just recently got onto Facebook (I was at least four months prego by the time I got onto it) so most of our family and friends already knew. Having said that, my husband couldn't keep it a secret. The moment we found out he wanted to tell everyone, LOL. So if you're comfortable announcing it on FB, then I say go for it. You'll have to deal with the questions of paternity eventually and regardless of whether you post your news on FB. Maybe start thinking about what kind of answer you'll give so that when the questions come, you're as prepared for them as you can be. I personally don't think it's tacky to post news such as this on FB, but then again, this may be because our immediate family and closest friends were told by us in person/over the phone (for long distance ones). The folks I keep in touch with via FB are mostly acquaintances and/or long lost "friends" from high school (most of whom I never kept in touch with until joining FB). So I say do whatever feels right for you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Best wishes to you. Please keep us posted on how you're progressing.

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