Dreaded Phone Call, Part 2 THE UPDATE
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|Tue, 02-09-2010 - 1:06pm|
Just wanted to touch base and say thank you for all of your support. I know you know how important it is as not many have walked in our shoes.
So basically, over the weekend, I had convinced myself that due to my great NT u/s neck measurement (1.88 mm), I just got a false positive and that everything was going to be okay. I did get an appt. scheduled with the Perinatologist for TOMORROW at 8 AM. Otherwise, I was feeling good about things.
At my 14-week appt. my regular OB (it was the on-call OB that spoke with my husband and I about our results) was basically doom and gloom. The first thing she said when she walked in the room was, "I'm so sorry that you got the bad news about your NT results."
I said, " you mean the blood work part, b/c the NT u/s looked good, right?" and she says, "yes, but you are definitely elevated risk for DS."
Okay. So tell me something I don't know.
Well, she did.
When I mentioned that I have several girlfriends who have had positive triple screens, she cut me off and said, "this wasn't a triple screen. This was an NT blood test at 12-weeks. Much more sensitive." Which I interpreted as much more accurate.
She also made some odd comments like,
"good thing we already know you'll be having a c-section (2 prior c-sections) as the one thing we know for sure is that vaginal delivery is risky for DS kiddos."
After finding the baby's heart beat on doppler (she prepared me for not finding it):
"Well, that's always a good sign. The longer THESE babies have a heart beat in utero, the better their chances for survival."
WTH...sorry to be so crass here, but you'd think this was a DIAGNOSIS instead of risk assessment.
After leaving her office yesterday, I spent the entire day in tears...and I'm not really sure why. My logical brain tells me that I can cope with a DS diagnosis, but my heart is breaking. What have I done to my spouse, my children, etc. Why couldn't my heart be happy with just 2 children, is this God's way of punishing me for not being satisfied with my 2 blessings (one of which is an in vitro baby, the other a bonus baby), etc.
I KNOW I'M BEING COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL HERE, and today is a better day, but wow...I was just a mess yesterday.
Anyway, thank you for letting me share my fears, anxiety, etc.