A little shocked at reaction to pg :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
A little shocked at reaction to pg :-(
10
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 11:02am

Just wondering if anyone else got thoughtless comments when you told people...

We have close friends that are my DS's godparents. My DH kept saying it was wrong not to share the happy news with them yet (I wanted to wait til after 8 weeks). So we saw them yesterday & I let my 2 boys tell their "aunt & uncle" that their DS whose 5 mos old is going to have a little "cousin". The first thing they said was "oh, haven't you ever heard of protection?" They were not joking at all. The reaction was just a bland "alright then..." Then the question "is this what you want?"

Anyway, I was just a little taken aback... They knew about our history of infertility, the fact that I was scheduled for a hysterectomy, they know we are financially stable, they saw how excited my boys were and the smiles on our faces... I just can't understand how that could be the first thing someone would say....

Not sure if I'm being hormonal, but I really was hurt by the reaction :-(

Now I'm afraid to tell others!

~Kathy


Brett 8/4/97


Luke 8/7/01


Due with #3 10/26/10

pregnancy calendar

~Kathy

Brett 8/4/97

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2009
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 11:53am

Hi Kathy, I don't think I welcomed you before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 12:07pm

Kathy:


Susan L.



Robert Edward Xavier Lin - Born July 31, 2010 at 5:56AM, 6 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long. He spent 2 weeks in the NICU but he's doing great now!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 12:31pm
Other people always seem to know what is best for the rest of us -or at least they seem to think they do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 12:33pm

I had lots of thoughtless comments.


* Better you than me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 3:36pm

So far, I really haven't had any negative reactions to our news (except for one specific case), but I think that has to do with our situation.

Like another commenter, we have tried for years to build our family and have suffered numerous losses, so I think people have just learned to bite their tongues around us. Plus, I only have a preschooler and toddler at age 40 whereas most of my girlfriends have kiddos in junior high/high school. So for us to have a 3rd baby when our littles are only 5 and 3 isn't really that odd.

That being said, I did have one person be exceptionally hurt that I didn't tell her sooner. I was upset by her upset, but as my husband reminded me, it was her issue to deal with. I thought I was being supportive by not telling her sooner b/c she had just miscarried 6 weeks earlier and yet, she felt that I had been hiding the info from her. Sometimes we can't win for losing!

I agree with the other commenters, really their statements are reflections of themselves, but the truth is...it hurts. We are only human after all, anxious, excited, nervous, scared, etc. While we wish others could be more thoughtful, unfortunately we have no control over what they say.

You be happy for you...the rest are just jealous! :)

Blessings,
Valerie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 5:05pm

Welcome and congratulations on your pregnancy. Being single, 42, with a history of depression, and not exactly financially solvent at this time, I have definitely experienced negative reactions to my news, some from family members. However, I was already very solid in my decision to move ahead with this pregnancy when I told them- I feel that despite all these limitations, this happened at this time in my life for a reason and I have a lot of love and nurturing to give a child- so their reactions had some impact on my self-esteem but none on my decision. One of my sisters responded by asking if I was going to want to move in with her and have her support me (I can't imagine a

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 2:47am
Hi there. Sorry you received such bad reactions. I received some negative reactions as well as some positive ones. The only two negative comments I received were from my Mom and my Grandmom, of all people. My Mom's exact words were "Oh, Joannie. I'm so worried for you. I don't think your body can handle another pregnancy." (Her unfounded fear is due to my being a Type 1 diabetic. I can only assume she saw Steel Magnolia's which was so far-fetched from the reality of pregnant diabetics!). My Grandmom's words were "Oh, Joannie!" with the undertone of a faint cry. Gee, thanks, Gram! They only confirmed my fears of telling them about the pregnancy. Everyone else was happy, or at least pretended to be. My best friend's kids are now 12 and 13 and when I told her, she just said "Oh my God, I can't believe you're going to have 3 kids!". But this reaction didn't upset me considering that until I was in my mid 30's, I swore I was never having children, LOL!. I must admit, if I hadn't met my husband and decided to start a family with him at the age of 36 but had continued down the professional road I originally planned to stay on, I would probably think women my age having kids were a little "off". But now that I'm walking in their shoes, I obviously have a whole different perspective. So although my family's comments hurt me, I try to take a step back and objectively look at where they're coming from. I'm sorry you were hurt by some of the comments you received. Try not to focus on them but rather on you and your family. I bet you they'll be as thrilled at the arrival of the new baby as you will be. It's amazing how these little beings bring so much happiness to so many people. Best wishes to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 7:42pm

Thanks for the support!

~Kathy

Brett 8/4/97

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2007
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 3:18pm

Hi All;

I'm indigolite, 42yrs, 8weeks pg and anticipating a huge freakout from my 18.5yr DS. I'm sure I will hear some objectionable comments, although not as forward as some posted here. I totally expect nasty comments from younger mothers and ex's but I just keep in mind that we are trendy, apparently having a baby at 40yrs and over is all the rage ladies.

I'm sorry to hear that good friends would react that way considering your history, Miracle42!! But like Angelateal said "Whatever"!!!! People always have something to say and who cares what they think, it only matters what you and your family think and true friends will support that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2008
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 10:15am

I remember negative comments with my third child and I was 33! (oh arent you done yet? You already have 2, and a boy and a girl what do you need 3 for?)