I stink at waiting!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
I stink at waiting!
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 9:52am
(sorry long rant, but I have to get it out) Most people who know me don't know how impatient I am.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 2:33pm

I hope you ate and enjoyed that Mexican lunch! : ) Everything you said you're feeling is what most -- if not all -- of us here have felt. I don't know about the CVS since I've only ever had amnio's, but with the amniocentesis, early results are available in just two days after the actual procedure is done. The results provided are for the "main" chromosomes; 13, 18, 21, and 23 (sex chromosome). The rest of the chromosomes takes the full two weeks (give or take) to come back. It may be worth asking is early results are available with the CVS.

I'm probably not the best to offer advice about how to keep you calm during this time of waiting and uncertainty since all the reasons you described for causing you such anxiety are exactly why we chose to have the amnio. So I'll tell you to just sit back and take one day at a time. Continue to focus on the fact that even with the increased risks for a few chromosomal disorders, you still have a very, VERY great chance of carrying and delivering a healthy baby. And if Mexican food makes you feel better, than I say indulge and enjoy!

I'm sure you'll get some more constructive ideas from the ladies here than what I had to offer and I look forward to reading them. Continue to lean on us however and whenever you need to. Hang in there -- things usually have a way of working out... Best wishes to you.



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 3:22pm

Hi there.

I hope that by the time you get my message you have either

a) indulged in some really good Mexican food! or
b) found another way to reduce your anxiety over this most recent pregnancy.

I have no advice, I can only share my own experience with this latest pregnancy.

Having gone thru the NT screen and quad screen with my other 2 kiddos, I had no reason to think that my results would come back anything but normal.

Needless to say, I was shocked when my NT Screen came back showing an elevated risk for Down Syndrome...as in 1:17.

Was I a basketcase...absolutely. But as time has passed, as follow-up Level 2 u/s have been performed, and as I have done my research on what it would mean to raise a child with DS, I have become much calmer and at peace with our decision not to do invasive testing and carry this pregnancy to term.

Several things I have learned about this NT screening...

First, it is a screening ONLY and not diagnostic
Second, it can and does have a high false positive rate (according to my OB)
Third, (and this is only from google research...no scientific back up here!) the test seems to have a higher false positive for women over 35 or 40 than under.

So, if like Joan, you really need that definitive answer, then I say, have the amnio done when the perinatologist recommends it being performed and get your answer. My OB didn't hesitate to refer us to a peri when the elevated risks came back.

I was lurking around on the Trisomy 21 board and I did pose the question about termination. Most agreed that the number is around 85-90% of women that terminate a pregnancy upon a diagnosis of DS. So, I think it is important to know and keep in mind that if termination is a possibility for you, you are not alone in that decision and you should not feel any guilt for making such a very real and personal choice.

Carrying a DS baby to term is a life-altering decision. One that will affect every member of a family. But, as I have read, researched, prayed, and talked to people about this, I've come to realize that I am often projecting my own fears on my children, husband,etc. Although therapists, medical specialists, educational specialists would all become a necesary part of your life, it doesn't mean that your children or partner couldn't or wouldn't love this new life unconditionally.

And you just never know what will happen down the road...my sister's baby was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect at 17-months...one quite common among DS babies and we have no DS children in our family. Sometimes, things just go wrong in development that aren't even chromosomally related.

I think you just need to take each day, 1-step at a time. We didn't tell people we were expecting until 12-weeks, and when my blood work came back quirky we didn't tell a soul except for immediate family. If this little guy I'm carrying does have DS, than I want that to be an after-thought. I don't want pity from my friends and extended family. We rolled the dice and knew our risk was elevated by just being 40, but our desire to grow our family superceded any fear of chromosomal abnormality.

It's taken my 8+ weeks to get to this point, but time has helped me to manage.

Give yourself a break...wait until you even have something to worry about and in the meantime...eat some good guacamole or CHOCOLATE!!! LOL


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 4:13pm

I have had stress during pregnancy, mainly not due to the pregnancy itself but other life circumstances. I can't offer much to help alleviate the anxiety you're feeling over whether your baby will be found to have chromosomal abnormalities-- I just wasn't that freaked out about that issue, maybe because I don't have other kids, so I decided I was going to just do the screenings and live with whatever risk they indicated. So far, so good- turns out my risk is much lower than my age alone would indicate. I do have fears from time to time that something else will go wrong. I just try to accept that such fears are natural but that dwelling on them won't really affect the outcome, either way, so I might as well try to relax as much as possible. Trying to take things one day at a time has kept me from becoming too overwhelmed.

Good luck and hope you're feeling better about everything soon.

Make a pregnancy ticker

Edited 3/29/2010 9:24 pm ET by karen2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2010
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 6:56pm

The not knowing can be so anxiety producing. The imagination just has free reign. For me it helped to realize that I really didn't have any control over the pregnancy (beyond the


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2010
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 7:07pm



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 8:16am

Wow, I could have totally written your post! My pg was COMPLETE shock and devestation. Never in a million billion years would I ever consider abortion...but for about an hour the day the stick turned pink I considered it. Then for several days I tried to forget about it thinking, "Well, maybe I'll have a miscarriage and this nightmare will be over". Then my doc called yesterday and said my progesterone levels were low and I freaked out! I told my DH it makes no sense to suddenly be so scared to lose a baby we didn't plan and were certain we couldn't handle. Now all the issues you're talking about have been plagueing me since last night. What tests to do and not do...what if we have a baby that isn't healthly. Ugh! But you know what, I went through these EXACT emotions with my now perfectly healthly 3 year-old. IMO all these tests just cause more worry...although they can bring relief as well. We will choose to do the non-invasive tests as you have decided and we'll take it from there based on the results.

Hang in there, girl. You are NOT alone! It seems like from the day we find out we're pg until the day our kids gradutate high school...strike that...from the day they get married...strike that too...until forever, we just worry as moms!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 10:05am


I thought I would add my 2cents here as well. It is hard to be over 40 and pregnant and especially if you weren't expecting it. I, on the other hand, wanted to get pregnant as I don't have any children.

This is my experiences on the testing, etc. (just to give you an idea of how we all go through anxiety & how you have to decide what is right for you & your baby):

I was pregnant at 40 & had a m/c at 11 weeks (blighted ovum). Then 2 months later (then was 41) I was pregnant again & I had the NT test at 12 weeks. It showed that all was great with baby (it was a boy as they could tell then!) but with my age & bloodwork, my risk came back at 1 in 20 for DS. Needless to say, I was freaked out by that. Of course, if you turn it around it is a 95% chance of not having DS which helped calm me down. I decided to have the amnio done (my regular OB had already mentioned it previously to me & plus my HR dr. had already suggested it). So I had it done at 16 weeks. Now I did get the main results back in about 3 days (usually you have to pay extra to have these results back this fast - I didn't due to the fact that they found another issue with the baby during the u/s prior to the amnio procedure & the HR dr. needed those results asap). Anyway, it turned out though that our baby didn't have DS at all. He had something else but it had nothing to do with DS or anything associated with it. My stress came from his other problem with his blocked bladder & the low fluid around him but this is a rare occurrence.

So DH & I decided that after waiting the 6 months after my c-section (& losing our precious baby boy a week after he was born) that we would try again. So 3 months after ttc we found out we were pregnant again. Now the stress really started for me this time after all I had been through with my last pregnancy. I ended up changing to a new OB group (who I love!). They mentioned me having the 12 week NT scan & I said no, I am not going to do it because it stressed me out too much last time & you don't know the results in any case until you have an amnio. So I opted to wait until week 17 & have an amnio done. And you know what, I wasn't that stressed out waiting for the amnio. I was busy with work & other things going on so only about a week before did I start getting stressed. I went to a different HR dr. this time (who I totally loved!). They did the u/s & there were no markers at all & no issue with the blocked bladder since they found out we were having a girl (only boys get the problem that ours had). Even though the u/s showed no markers & the u/s tech & dr. said she looked great, I still went forward with the u/s. I will say that I felt much calmer waiting the 10 days for the results knowing there weren't any markers. I didn't pay for the quick results as I didn't feel the need to do it. And the results were great - no DS at all!

I still feel stress from time to time as I haven't had an u/s since week 17 & I am now almost at week 24 but my little girl gives me quite a few kicks to let me know she is doing okay in there and I take comfort in that. I just let God take care of things because I know what will be will be. I feel like perhaps I am stronger after going what I went through in my last pregnancy & losing our baby boy. I finally am feeling excited about having this baby (and I am now 43) and have started buying things for her & getting her nursery ready. We never got to do that last time since I was in the hospital for over 9 weeks before having our baby boy & then we knew he wouldn't be coming home.

I haven't had a CVS done so not sure how it works or how it feels. I have had the amnio and it really doesn't hurt & it is over fairly quickly and as long as you rest for a day or so after you should be good to go.

Take a deep breath & hang in there because 12 weeks will be here before you know it and then at that time, you can decide what you want to do if you want to do more testing or not. I have heard that you can do the CVS from week 11 to week 13 so you should still have time to do it if you wanted to after the NT testing. Or you can wait until like week 16 through 18 or so for an amnio. Or if all comes back okay on the NT then you can opt to just let things go and try not to stress too much.

KUP on your NT testing & if you need any thoughts or just want to vent again, please feel free to do so. I think we have all been there before!

Take care,


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 9:17pm
Thanks for the encouragement!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 10:11pm
I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. Yes, you're probably right...having made the decision probably relieves much anxiety. I'm the same way. : )