The 1st Trimester Wait

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
The 1st Trimester Wait
9
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 8:35am

With my DD I was thinking pregnancy all the time but I wasn't scared or nervous at all during the first trimester. Ignorance is bliss. Although I was 'advanced maternal age' at 36, I considered myself young and healthy and pregnancy/birth was no big deal. With this pregnancy at age 43, I still consider myself young(ish) and healthy but I now know how *rare* it is to still be fertile in your 40s and the increased risks that go along with it. My heart goes out when I read on other ladies profiles angels lost at 7 weeks, 10 weeks, 11 weeks ... and then it sends me into a nervous spiral. Rationally I know that I have no control over the next 7 weeks until I am out the first trimester danger zone. I know that this is all in God's hands. My DH and I decided that we would try for a baby and if it was to be, it would happen. If it didn't then we would be happy with one healthy, happy little girl. We're not interested in spending $15K for fertility treatments, donor eggs, adoption, etc. etc. If something bad were to happen, it is not like there is a big window of opportunity for us to try again...so the next 49 days will be l-o-n-g for me.

Every morning I get up and my first thought is how far along I am (6w0d today!). I was working full time up until mid-June so I am enjoying spending the summer with my daughter and generally kicking back. Prenatals, healthy food, sunshine, swimming daily, reading to take my mind off of worry... I'll feel better after I see a heartbeat at my OB Appt in 10 days. I'll be over the moon when I hit week 13. In the meantime I am counting...49..48..47..





baby development
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2005
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 10:10am

I hear you, Renee. You describe my situation exactly...I was almost 38 last time I got PG...now I am almost 44. Ignorance was bliss. This time I spotted on and off for a week around week 5 and I thought for sure it was over. But after I saw both babies three times on U/S I felt better. By about week 10 I started to relax because I had seen the babies twice (and then started referring to them as "the babies" instead of "the pregnancy"). I had my NT scan on Tuesday...and on Wednesday July 14, I will be in

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 1:12am

I hear you both. The first trimester was the most uncertain time for me. I'm a first timer, so I have nothing to compare it to, but given that I conceived at 42 and just turned 43 last month, much of what's written about pregnancy after 40 focuses on the negatives. I'm not saying the risks aren't there. For the first two weeks after I learned I was pregnant, I thought it might be an ectopic pregnancy because a hospital PA had told me that might be the case after they did an ultrasound too early (in wk 4) to see anything in my uterus. Anyway, once the pregnancy was confirmed as viable in wk 6, I found it helpful to take things one day at a time and try not to get ahead of myself.

Even though things were more uncertain at that point than they are now-- as far as the chances of ending up with a real, live baby-- I actually feel like I'm worrying more now as I approach my due date. Maybe it's because I've become more invested, have seen my son during several ultrasounds, can feel him moving, and have dreamed of holding him and what he'll look like as a infant and a little boy. Anyway, it might be good for me to take the same advice and continue to try to take things as they come. They'll unfold as they will, anyway, so what's the point of driving myself crazy with worry?

Hang in there, ladies. Sending lots of sticky baby vibes to you both!

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 5:46am

My DH says that some people (AKA me!) have a 'worry basket' that they carry around with them. As they take one worry out, it is hard to leave the basket empty...somehow another worry manages to find its way back in.

baby development
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 10:33am

Hang in there Renee, there are a lot of "bad" statistics about us over 40 gals, but I think that is because there are less women over 40 still having babies. I hope that your 1st tri goes fast for you! I have had 3 babies in my 40's and this will be #4 in my 40's. The other 3 were in my 30's, so I was AMA for 5 out of 6 of my current kids. I did have one loss at age 43, but went on to have 2 more (well, almost, this one is coming in less than 3 weeks), so I don't really think about the odds anymore!

Hoping you have a lovely 34 more weeks!

Carol, mom to 6PhotobucketPhotobucket

Carol, mom to 7

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 3:19am

Hi Renee,


pregnancy aside, let's talk some more about that "worry basket." I find it interesting to see what people put in theirs, and what they don't put in.


For example, lots of times when I talk to people about traveling and flying in airplanes, they say "oh I'm afraid to fly in an airplane." This, from the same people who every day get into a car and drive all over creation with barely a second thought. Personally I feel much safer in an airplane than in a car. The men who are professional pilots are way more likely to know what they're doing than all the hundreds of garden-variety idiots driving on the streets. But many people have just programmed themselves to be more afraid of planes than of cars.


So this shows me that worries and fears can be "chosen" by people, to some degree. Am I going to worry about a car crash when I go to the supermarket? Nah, why bother? Am I going to worry that my cellphone will catch on fire when I recharge it during the night? Nah, why bother?


See what I mean? I think sometimes it just depends on what people decide to focus on. What do you think?


Molly


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 8:32am

Molly -


I hear what you are saying. It is important to be selective in what to put in your basket. Fortunately I'm not one of the gals that packs mine to the brim.

baby development
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 12:38am

Yes I can see why those would be your main worries.... good luck to you Renee, I will be watching for your updates!


Molly

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2010
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 12:36pm

I understand. I am 46 years old and 6 weeks 3 days in. Last year this time I was six weeks and one day in, and miscarried in late August. I didn't even know I wanted another baby until I was pregnant. My other children are 21 and 24.

Since the MC last year, I had a lot of anxiety and depression. I did not understand when I found I was pregnant than there was any outcome besides a healthy baby. I never knew anyone who had a MC and furthermore had no idea how common it was to mis carry. I decided then that on July 15 this year, my husbands deceased brothers birthday, that I would give him the good news of another baby on the way. So it came to be, the eve of the 15th I was late with my period and went to buy yet another P test, which I've come to use often after the MC. I expected another minus sign, and watched the minus add the line to make it a plus sign. Floored.

Now I wait, aware of the things that can happen and more aware of the mental toll a repeat of last year would be. This is my last pregnancy, regardless of outcome. So I am with you, same calendar as you.

As to the anxiety and depression, I stopped taking meds as soon as the test was positive. Amazing, I'm not depressed and anxiety is near gone. I started the meds after the MC so I guess the effect of the MC has been huge. I was so happy last year, planning the life of my new baby, all the things we would do. This time I am not sure when to even buy a baby blanket. I'll probably be at Wal Mart at 40 weeks in labor buying diapers. Last night I dreamed I was holding an absolutely beautiful healthy baby. My husband was there too. This thought I will keep in my mind as time goes on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2010
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 1:48pm

Hi everyone!

Just found out last week that I am 9 weeks pregnant. I am 39, but will be 40 by the time this baby is born.

I am excited and happy, and then sometimes filled with anxiety and fear.... fear about the first trimester. My sister just had a blighted ovum miscarriage, and it was so sad. I just went to the doc and saw a faint heart beat, and everything is going well! I was so relieved I started crying.

It is so nice to hear that I am not alone, that other people also go through the first trimester wait! thanks for your posts.

I look forward to reading more on these forums, and getting to know some other expectant moms.

Blessings to everyone who is in their 1st trimester!