40, Pregnant..and dumped : (

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
40, Pregnant..and dumped : (
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 11:27pm


Hello all

I am currently 16 weeks 3 days pregnant...at 40. This pregnancy was a totally put of the blue...shock.

I didn't think I could even get pregnant...

I have a son who will be turning 18 this year...and I had a m/c at 8 weeks when he was 15 months old...wow, back in 1994...like a hundred years ago!

I was engaged about 11 years ago and together with him for about 3 years...we tried to conceive and even went to a fertility Dr....nothing.

So I just gave up, thankful I had been able to have a wonderful son, so I moved on.

Well I met this guy over the summer...and just fell for him...

Well, the first time we...umm....well...you know...

I got pregnant...

I was just in disbelief..I took 4 pregnancy tests, in succession...

Then went to the Dr. who confirmed it..

I was still just in disbelief...and horribly nauseous...blah

Finally had an ultra sound (and a flurry of diagnostic tests which all have come back normal so far)...

I think the look on my face when I saw there was actually a baby inside me just have been hilarious.......again...in disbelief...

Well, anyway...not to blather on and on...but my relationship ended...and I am heartbroken..

Having to face this pregnancy alone...is so very sad...so I was just poking around trying to find a place to just...cry to someone, I guess...sigh

I am heartbroken, sad and alone....and was just looking for a shoulder...

Thanks for listening....it helps a little just to talk about it...


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 1:52pm


After everything you have been through, it's no wonder that this pregnancy is a huge shock.


reena050809.jpg 0809 picture by reena102

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 3:32pm

A virtual hug to you. You must be very scared on top of being heartbroken. It's a lot to be pregnant period let alone unexpectedly pregnant and alone (irregardless of age). Can you find a therapist or doctor to talk to for awhile? A few conversations with someone who can give you some perspective might prove very helpful in coming to terms with all that has happened.

At any rate, you are welcome to cry on our shoulders! I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. I have been flipped out about having a third and I planned this child. A new baby can be a daunting prospect.

Hang in there and see if

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 6:10pm

Thanks for the support, ladies..

I actually did make an appointment for counseling, just to talk..

I am new to the state I live in and really don't know anyone.

I think what bothered me the most, is that in our last conversation...he said some strange things...

..."So want me to take custody?"

..."...well it can send some time out here and some out there..."

He moved across the country..

Like the courts will think shipping a baby across the country back and forth for months at a time is a great idea...to an unwed father who chose to leave...


He said some other weird things...leaning towards taking the baby away from me...

It made no sesnse... I am a good mom, with a happy healthy 17 year old....

So his comments were bizarre.

So that just adds to the stress...blah

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 6:26pm

Sorry you're going through all of this but - on the other hand - Congratulations that you are pregnant and the baby is healthy.

I am not a therapist or a doctor but IMO - to heck with him.

Susan L.

Robert Edward Xavier Lin - Born July 31, 2010 at 5:56AM, 6 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long. He spent 2 weeks in the NICU but he's doing great now!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 9:57am

Hello there, and welcome to the board. I'm sorry to hear the circumstances that your baby's father left you in, but congrats on you baby-to-be nonetheless! I saw your post a few days ago and have had keyboard trouble -- sometimes it works just fine, sometimes it won't connect at all, and other times it connect sporadically (it's wireless). I finally was able to respond to you this morning...

I'm so glad to hear you're going for counseling. I have an Aunt who's a psychologist and she swears that EVERYONE should be in therapy whether they think they need it or not. I went for therapy a few times in my life and have found that it really is helpful. I'm also glad Reena pointed you in the direction of the Pregnant and Single board. I haven't checked it out but I'm sure you'll find lots of support there as well as here and from your counselor.

I hope you're feeling well (has morning sickness gotten the best of you?) and your pregnancy is progressing well. Please keep us posted on your journey and lean on us whenever you need to or want to. Best wishes to you.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 1:46pm

Thank you so much for your kind reply...

It is such a hard time, but I know so many others are traveling the same road...and it is nice to have a place just to write your thoughts : )

My goodness, the morning...umm...all day...rather, sickness was absolutely awful up until just about a week ago..
Mo vomiting, just a horrible constant nausea...oh my.. Then I had the flue during week 5 that left sick for weeks..blah!

I am finally feeling much better : )

I am really looking forward to my next appointment on the 19th..with the chance to find out if it's a boy or girl : )

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2008
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 6:50pm

I lurk on the board on occasion, and reading your post, my heart totally goes out to you. I know how scary it is to have a baby when it's planned and part of a two-parent family. I have just a glimpse of how hard it would be to have a baby on my own. I am glad you are starting to feel better, physically and emotionally.

I totally agree with previous posts that you get advice to protect you and your baby legally and financially. It's better to be prepared than not.

Have you joined an EC as well? There open to anyone who is pg, and I love all of the different points of view on mine. Everyone is in different situations and not everyone is in a relationship. The ECs are pretty active and provide wonderful day to day support.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 8:09pm

i there,,thanks for the reply and kindness...

I am new here so you have to forgive me...

What is the EC?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:45am

I am sorry that the baby's father is being such a butt, but CONGRATULATIONS just the same on the baby!

Shelli, married to Jason for 18 years, mom to Derek(15), Alyssa(12), and Carly (2/26/09)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 7:30pm

Oh my. Wish I heard wise words for you, but I don't. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Regardless of the situation, I am hoping that your pregnancy is an easy one for you (without complications) and that you have a network of support that you can turn to.