Carol, mom to 7
Well I am...10 weeks, maybe 11 (I'm still not sure exactly)Total denial for me at first as well - we had 5 miscarriages during our try for #3 a couple of years ago.
We figured I wasn't meant to be - and that it was too emotionally exhausting. We are also grateful for our two wonderful daughters, one of which is a cancer survivor - so every day is a blessing.But suddenly I am pregnant at 40 and my first thoughts are : I can't go through any more miscarriages - so taxing, emotionally physically (and of course secret pain and exhaustion from all of those around you, who don't know)..
And then the morning sickness kicked in (which I didn't have with my miscarriages) and it started to feel real... Although I won't believe anything until I hear a heartbeat, and if I do I fully expect stage #2 of denial to kick in. I sold all of my baby stuff last year,I moved on. I started up old hobbies again - and my kids are 5 & 7 so there is a greater span *if* this child manages to live in my uterus long enough to ultimately force us into reality ;-) I had a name for my third daughter (always figured I would have only girls) and I bought a puppy last year and gave her that name - SERIOUSLY I was trying hard to move on! God has a very interesting sense of humor
So I don't have anything interesting to say, except my husband (who was really not entirely on board with #3, is the excited one - so strange we have reversed roles. I guess I am used to disappointment.
I can tell you that I don't worry about autism, downs etc because I don't have control over those things. You deal with what happens, when it happens and only IF it happens. I mentioned my youngest is a cancer survivor, and that was a horrific time for her and for us watching her suffer - but she's here, and I would do it all again for her. she is so worth everything, and your child will be as well. This is what I know to be true, so in that way I am not afraid. Don't be afraid, but allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel - give yourself time, and take it one day at a time. That's what I'm doing (hugs)
I am also 10 weeks.
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