still in shock and denial

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2010
still in shock and denial
8
Thu, 04-08-2010 - 4:12pm
I am 42...will be 43 before the baby is born...unplanned oopsie pregnancy b/c i screwed up on the pill.
Avatar for dabutler
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Thu, 04-08-2010 - 4:30pm

Congrats!!

Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Thu, 04-08-2010 - 10:25pm
Hello and welcome. Your feelings are perfectly natural and very normal. Many of us found our way to this board after surprisingly finding ourselves pregnant. I encourage you to read through the posts, particularly in the Introduction Section where you posted your intro, to see just how many of us wound up here unexpectedly and how each of us reacted it. I've said the same thing to many other women who expressed the same feelings and concerns that you did, and that is that nine months gives us quite a bit of time to come to terms with and accept the fact that another baby will be joining our lives and our household. I, too, am 42 and this is actually my second surprise baby since being 40 (yes, I know what causes pregnancy, LOL). I was pretty devastated when I found out I was pregnant with our second child 2+ years ago. But she, just like her older big sister who was planned, has since become the light of our lives. So now I'm a little less worried about how another baby will fit into our lives (although I must admit, our house will be quite tight with five of us living here, especially when this baby starts potty training in a few years!). We did it once before, we can do it again. And, truth be told, now, 2+ years after having her, I couldn't imagine our lives without our second daughter. I'm fairly confident the same will be true when this baby arrives. That's not to say there won't be nights I'll be up every 1 1/2 hours feeding the baby thinking "What was I thinking?!?!? When is this going to end?!?!? When will I ever sleep again?!?!?", but I hope to be able to remind myself during those times that the sleepless nights and utter exhaustion last for just a few months and that within a year's time (I hope, anyway!), we'll all be on a more workable, predictable schedule. Lean on us whenever you need to. But please, read through some of the posts. I think you'll find a lot of stories, feelings, and experiences that you'll relate to. Best wishes to you. I hope to see you posting around more often now that you've introduced yourself.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 9:03am
I know just how you feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 8:53pm
I am glad you posted.

Carol, mom to 7

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 3:34pm

Well I am...10 weeks, maybe 11 (I'm still not sure exactly)
Total denial for me at first as well - we had 5 miscarriages during our try for #3 a couple of years ago.

We figured I wasn't meant to be - and that it was too emotionally exhausting. We are also grateful for our two wonderful daughters, one of which is a cancer survivor - so every day is a blessing.
But suddenly I am pregnant at 40 and my first thoughts are : I can't go through any more miscarriages - so taxing, emotionally physically (and of course secret pain and exhaustion from all of those around you, who don't know)..

And then the morning sickness kicked in (which I didn't have with my miscarriages) and it started to feel real... Although I won't believe anything until I hear a heartbeat, and if I do I fully expect stage #2 of denial to kick in. I sold all of my baby stuff last year,I moved on. I started up old hobbies again - and my kids are 5 & 7 so there is a greater span *if* this child manages to live in my uterus long enough to ultimately force us into reality ;-) I had a name for my third daughter (always figured I would have only girls) and I bought a puppy last year and gave her that name - SERIOUSLY I was trying hard to move on! God has a very interesting sense of humor

So I don't have anything interesting to say, except my husband (who was really not entirely on board with #3, is the excited one - so strange we have reversed roles. I guess I am used to disappointment.

I can tell you that I don't worry about autism, downs etc because I don't have control over those things. You deal with what happens, when it happens and only IF it happens. I mentioned my youngest is a cancer survivor, and that was a horrific time for her and for us watching her suffer - but she's here, and I would do it all again for her. she is so worth everything, and your child will be as well. This is what I know to be true, so in that way I am not afraid. Don't be afraid, but allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel - give yourself time, and take it one day at a time. That's what I'm doing (hugs)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2010
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 8:23pm

I am also 10 weeks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2010
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 3:47pm
Thanks for all your supportive words.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 8:23pm
I'm so thrilled you found out your baby has no chromosomal problems. I know just how much of a relief it is to get that definitive news! And I'm even more thrilled to hear your beginning to get excited about this baby! Three boys, huh? Boys must be "old hat" for you, LOL. We're expecting our first boy in just a few weeks after having two girls and I'll be honest, as much as I'm excited to meet little man, I'm much more nervous about raising a boy than I was about raising the girls. I'm not sure why. In fact, when I was pregnant with our first daughter (who's now five), I really, really, really wanted a boy and was disappointed when we learned she was a girl. However, after having her, then having our second daughter, having a boy seems so......strange, LOL! I know within a few days I'll be thrilled to have him but until he arrives, that feeling of uncertainty continues to linger. Thanks again so much for updating us with your news and with your change in spirit. Best wishes to you, and please, stick around and be as active as you wish to be on our board.
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