OMG - 44.5 & Pregnant!!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
OMG - 44.5 & Pregnant!!?
7
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 6:52pm

Hi Everyone..


I'm 44 years old, 45 in Oct. and I just found out that I'm pregnant (approx. 6 weeks). I'm scared to death! I have a 10 month

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 9:27pm

Hello and welcome. I'm glad you found our board. While your fears are perfectly normal and natural, perhaps they're more extreme than what we other AMA women feel since your son has DS. I'm not sure what the odds are for having another child with DS or any other chromosomal abnormality, but for an otherwise healthy woman aged 45 at the time of expected delivery, the odds of having a child free of chromosomal disorders is about 99%.

You said in your post that you would love to have another child and although you're fearful of what might be, you're happy about being pregnant. Try not to let fear overtake you. Most of us here have surprisingly found ourselves pregnant at this point in our lives -- that's not to say there aren't women here who actively and successfully tried to conceive, but my point is unexpectedly becoming pregnant after the age of 40 is much more common than I think most people care to believe. From my personal experience, I can say that for the first few months, I was anxious, fearful, nervous, not sure if I was happy or sad, and just plain overwhelmed after finding out I was pregnant. As time went by, I came to terms with the idea of raising another baby. Now, at 36 weeks, I'm very excited to meet our son and happy at the prospect of our two young girls having yet another sibling to go through life with. For me, focusing on the years when our children our older helps bring more joy to me. If I dwell on how I'm going to take care of a newborn, a two year old, and a five year old, I tend to feel overwhelmed. But, I know that even though there will be hard days ahead, I'll/we'll get through it and one day, before I know it, I'll wonder where those days with my little babies went. Try to just take it one day at a time. Only you and your husband can decide what's best for you and your family. I wish you the best and I hope you'll stick around for support however and whenever you need it. Take care.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 10:41pm

I'd like to echo everything Joan said and add that whatever you decide, try not to base your decision(s) on the opinions of naysayers. People will likely make negative comments. Just do what feels right for yourself and your life, knowing we can never fully control the outcome of a pregnancy. If you feel like you could handle another child and a higher probability of a chromosomal issue (but no certainty of one, as Joan pointed out), then move forward and gather as much information as you feel you'll need.

I'm 42 and expecting for the first time, also somewhat accidentally. In addition, I'm single and likely to be raising this baby without a partner. Talk about feeling like a careless teenager! But this pregnancy has changed everything for me. I decided having the non-diagnostic screening to determine my level of risk, along with any information I can get from further ultrasounds, was enough. So far, there are no signs of any chromosomal issues, but I decided early as long as the baby did not have a condition that would cause suffering I would continue the pregnancy. Others chose to go with more definitive testing to know exactly what to expect whether or not they would have considered ending the pregnancy.

It seems the first question is whether you think you can live with uncertainty, first not knowing if the pregnancy will "stick" and then longer not knowing whether there's a chromosomal issue present. You will naturally worry, but trying to stay positive can help. If you can live with that waiting period and whatever it might bring, you should be able to figure out what to do next. Trying to take things one day at a time has helped me greatly in managing my emotions during this pregnancy.

Good luck, and if you're so inclined, keep us posted on what you decide to do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 12:26pm

hello and welcome.

Susan L.



Robert Edward Xavier Lin - Born July 31, 2010 at 5:56AM, 6 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long. He spent 2 weeks in the NICU but he's doing great now!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 5:26pm

Dear Venus,

If you find that you are just overcome with worry about genetic problems, consider having genetic testing. You can do a CVS at 10-11 weeks at major medical centers, and you will have a definitive answer. Odds are, you will find out that everything is fine, and you will be able to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

CVS is not for everyone, but given how much worry and fear you have, it may be worth considering.




Edited 4/27/2010 5:27 pm ET by upforadventure
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 8:45pm
Hi Venus,
I am Carol and I am pg at 46 with my 7th baby. I can certainly understand your fear of having a baby with problems, but just because your son has Downs does not mean another baby will too. I have had 3 of my current 6 in my 40's and they have all been healthy. I am hoping that this baby will be fine too, but we are going to have him regardless. I feel that every baby is a blessing, no matter what the packaging (that is a line from another 40+ mom who also has a downs child). Congratulations on your pg and I hope you find a lot of support here.

Carol, mom to 6PhotobucketPhotobucket

Carol, mom to 7

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2008
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 4:39pm

I lurk, and post ocassionally.

Avatar for dani_d
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-1998
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 2:14am

I can imagine how anxious you must be, and rightly so, but please don't make a rash decision......please.