having older kids & "starting over"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2010
having older kids & "starting over"
11
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 12:49pm
i just turned 41..i have 3 daughters ( 19, and twins turning 13) all from a previous relationship. i have been divorced for 7yrs and have raised the girls those years on my own.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 6:07pm

Can't offer any insight on this issue, as I am 42 and expecting for the first time, but I can assure you there are others on this board who have kids of various ages and are expecting again. If you poke around a bit, you may be able to find posts from some of them. It doesn't sound like an impossible situation to me-- it depends on you personally and what you feel is right for your life-- but I have seen a number of women here who can offer their experience on various issues you may want to consider in deciding whether to try for another. Best wishes!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 7:52pm

I know we *met* on one of my other threads. I can understand a lot of your hesitation. Honestly, when I was TTC after my MC I almost called it quits, thinking it was just to hard to start again. I have had to do it twice, there is 12 years between my first and my twins and then now there will be an 11 year difference. Starting over with all new things, etc.. and yes, I am afraid to give up a lot of the freedoms I have had with my kids being older.

Do you feel like your life is complete with the kids you have now? How do YOU feel about having another one? The reason I moved forward is that I always wanted to have another child, and felt like I wanted to have *just one more* for about the past ten years.

My situation is a bit different, because my profession has been caring for kids for the past 10 years. I did home daycare, and am now a nanny. So, I have been around small children and babies all that time, and I feel that part is second nature for me.

BTW, karen, I am also 42. This is my 4th, though. My SIL just turned 43 and is pg with her first too... so you are not alone in starting a bit later in life. Good luck!!



~April, Mom to son Jory, 22 and boy/girl twins, Alex and Haley, 10






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~April, Mom to son Jory, 23 and boy/girl twins, Alex and Haley, 11






iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 11:26pm

I'm sorry that I can't offer any insight on this topic!

We are close to the same age (I'll be 41 in a few months), but didn't have children until I was 35. So, I only have a 5 and 3 year old. I will turn 41 about 3 weeks after delivering #3.

I agree with the previous comments...what do YOU want?

Good luck and best wishes,

Valerie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2010
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 1:31pm

Well, my situation isn't quite the same as yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2010
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 4:41pm

Hi Andrea,


thanks for emailing back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2007
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 2:42pm

Hi there;

I am in almost exactly the same scenario. I am 42yrs and 16weeks pregnant with my 3rd. I separated 4yrs ago after 14 1/2 yrs of marriage and have two kids from that marriage. I have been in a terrific relationship for almost 4yrs. My DS is 18.5 yrs and my DD is almost 14yrs, neither were very happy with me when they found out, my DS especially. DS thinks his entire life will change!!! He had a huge freak out but is coming around. My DD is scared that I won't love her, but like I told her, she didn't stop loving me when she got her hamster, mothers always have enough love. I have faith in what others are telling me and that is when they see that bundle and it smiles and coos at them they will fall deeply in love. I do understand how my kids feel, but what they cannot possibly understand is the unconditional love and joy that children bring to a family and home, that they will just have to wait to experience. Have faith!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2008
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 4:25pm

Hi

I was 43 years old when I found out I was pregnant. My new partner and I had been going out for 4 years, he had no other children, he was 48 years old. I have 4 other children from my previous marriage, at that time they were DD22, DS20, DS15, DS13. Everyone was shocked.
I was shocked...LOL

I must say my 13 year old son cried and wanted to go to his dads when I gave him the news. My other children were so shocked, but their reaction was supportive.

My new little man, now 2, is loved by all. He is pain to everyone too....LOL It is an adjustment to everyone to have a baby around. My 2 year old is in love with his brother who is now 15. (the one who cried)

For me, the pregnancy was not planned and for me..it was not a choice to have the baby or not.

It is a big adjustment for everyone and you are giving up all the freedom you just only started having. In my case, my boys are not babysitters, I have to put my foot down for them to babysit, which is not often. But they love and play and enjoy their little brother.

I believe it is your life, not your childrens, kids are resilent.

Good Luck with your decision

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2006
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 12:14am
I'm 40 going to be 41 and 24 weeks. I have a 21 yr old and a 19 yr old 6 yr old, 15 months and now having this one. I can tell you one thing for sure, I'm a better mother then I was before. But I know your fear about things. When I had my 6 year old I had a 13 yr old son and He wasn't happy about it either. But now he is great with my younger ones.
I never really think about the starting over thing, but people sure ask it alot. I guess after they are here you just don't think about it that way anymore.
Love and light
Love and light

Karen


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Love and light
Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2010
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 1:36pm

Hi Tracy,


Well, I just wanted to let you know that we finally told our children about the baby this past Sunday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2010
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 2:30pm

hi Andrea


thanks for the email. good for you that you got such

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