Rough Week/Anxious

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Rough Week/Anxious
10
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 12:07am

So I haven't been around much this past week.

I've just had a rough week...I don't really know why.

we had our big gender reveal party last Saturday and I will say that hosting/cleaning/prepping for that event seemed to knock the wind out of my sails. After the last guest left, I ached so bad...I could barely climb into bed. Believe me when I say I felt every bit of my 40.5 years!!! LOL

Anyway, for some reason, I have been a mess of tears this week. I've been crying over Baby Boy possibly having Down Syndrome. I know the NT blood work is only a risk assessment; I know that odds are in my favor if I divide 1 into 17, but honestly, either the hormones or general emotions are just getting the best of me.

I'm crying as I type this.

I don't even know why.

I'm totally capable of caring for a child with DS...I'm educator for goodness sakes.

I'm not even so concerned about my age...I know my beautiful daughter, who so lovingly cares for her 3 year old brother, will be able to step up to the plate (if need be) to care for Baby Brother, but I think its imagining the loss of hopes and dreams for your child.

Every where I go, I see adults/young people with DS. Is this a sign from God? I saw a middle age man with DS collecting the shopping carts at Home Depot and burst into tears. My daughter was so surprised by my reaction...she kept asking what was wrong.

Coincidentally, I've been following a blog (Enjoying the Small Things) about a 30-year old woman's surprise gift of a daughter born with DS in January of this year. Her father was a guest poster and wrote his account of the birth...and finding out Baby Nella had DS. I sobbed as I read it and left Kelle (the blog author) a message. Her sweet FATHER wrote me a message back telling me that he was praying for me, that he couldn't wait to find out our little man's name and that he already knew I was the perfect mother for this little guy regardless of his diagnosis.

Needless to say, I sobbed!

So, sorry to ramble, but I just wanted you to know why I wasn't around much lately. All is well and I have my monthly OB appt. on Monday. I have some questions...do we need specialists in the OR in case baby does have DS...who will tell me first? My husband or her? Etc.

Like I said...anxious.

Hugs,
Val

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 2:32am

Val,


Sorry you've been having a rough go of it lately, and that your big party really knocked you out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 10:43am

Oh, Val, I wish I could say or do something to ease your fears and anxieties. It's a parent's instinct -- and I think particularly a mother's instinct -- to worry about our children and of course, want only the best for them. That, of course, includes their health. So although I'm confident you're MORE than capable, qualified, and equipped to raise a DS child, I know that you want the absolute best for your baby boy and I suspect that's what's causing you such fear, concern, and anxiety. At this point, you probably feel helpless, right? Just realize that if he's born with DS, once he's here, you will no longer be helpless. You'll be his rock; loving him, teaching him, nurturing, and guiding him. Your helpless feeling will be long gone and you'll quickly realize how much love he brings to your and your family's world and how much love you and your family bring to his world.

Being an educator, you probably know a great deal more about DS children than I do. But I can tell you that I spent a little over a year volunteering for Therapeutic Rides, a non-profit organization that offers horseback riding to children up to the age of 18 with mental and physical disabilities. I will tell you in all honesty that I was quite scared to first start volunteering -- the fear of the unknown took me over. However, by week 2, I quickly realized how loving and intelligent, yes, intelligent, the DS kids were. They genuinely wanted to learn and generally wanted to please . They had sense of humors (trust me, they were outright entertaining at times and they knew it!), showed genuine curiosity in wondering how and why things worked a certain way, and a naivety that was just....pure. Their love and compassion for the horses was so refreshing. Again, pure naivety and innocence at its finest.

One girl who was 18 was a bit feisty. Not in a bad way, just in a typical 18-year-old female way, LOL! When she thought her way of doing something was "better" or "more right" than the instructor's way of doing something, she made sure she spoke up. The instructor, at times, had to even remind her that she was there to learn how to ride and care for horses and if she didn't want to do things properly, she could leave. It was so enlightening to me to watch her in action. She was clearly and obviously drawing on her intelligence to justify why her actions were "better" than the instructors were. This girl was a darn good debate and kept all of us on our toes, for sure.

I guess I'm sharing this with you to reinforce what you already know. DS people are loving, caring people who sometimes need a little extra support and reminding to do things. I realize there are different forms of DS, and I don't claim to be an expert on any of them, but I genuinely believe that a DS child is capable of loving and being loved as much as any other child. And I have no doubt that you're ready and able to do that -- and more -- if it turns out your son has DS. Hang in there, mama. I'm so glad you opened up and let some of your feelings and concerns out. Even moms need some support and encouragement so please, continue to lean on us whenever and however you need to. Feel free to e-mail me through my personal profile anytime, too. Again, I'm no expert but I'm almost always home and always have an open ear and shoulder to lend. Best wishes and big, big, hugs to you.r

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Avatar for dabutler
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 3:46pm

I am praying that your little boy will be born healthy.

Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 6:43pm
Are there any tests you can do now that might reassure you? Did you do a couple of level2 ultrasounds? I did another one at 21+ weeks and everything looked perfect, which gave me alot of ressurance, even though our screenings were positive for DS. I understand not wanting to get early amnio due to the risk of losing the baby, I felt the same way, but if the u/s does not reassure, have you considered a ltere term term amnio, say at 32 weeks, to relieve your anxiety or prepare you for a DS child, whatever the case may be? The risk of the amnio causing preterm labor at that point may be less than the effect of the stress/anxiety as a risk for preterm labor, and even if your water broke they should be able to prolong the pregnancy with antibiotics and other meds, and the organs are developed enough by then for viability. Just a thought.
- Jenna, 41, DH 38 TTC since September '06 with MFI. 3 failed unmedicated IUI's with DH sperm, 1 failed IUI with injects with DH sperm, IVF #1 BFN, FET BFP but M/c week 5, IVF#2 BFP m/c week 7, IUI with injects and donor sperm: probable chemical pg. 1 failed unmedicated DS/IUI. Started BCP's 7/30 for IVF #3, ER 9/10, ET 9/15, Beta 9/24 results 9/25. BFP, Twins. Lost 1st twin at 9-10 weeks, lost second twin at 16 weeks 12/17/08. Attempted IUI #4 converted to DS/DH IUI April 09 at my request, BFP and M/c. IVF #4 June 09 BFN. DS-IUI w/injects 7/6/09, BFN. Hysteroscopic myomectomy to remove fibroid 7/29/09.Unmedicated DS-IUI 9/09, BFN. DS-IUI with injects, 10/09, BFP and M/C. DH/DS-IUI with injects and HGH, 12/6. BFP! Betas: 12dpo 12/18 58, 14 dpo 12/20 157, 16dpo 12/22 379, 22 dpo 12/28 4,002



pregnancy
- Jenna
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:12am

Hi Karen.

Thanks so much for your kind words.

While I wish I could claim that I've been regularly exercising and keeping fit with this pregnancy, the truth is I have not! LOL I gave myself a break during the 1st trimester...frankly it was the dead of winter and with my loss history and spotting early on, just took it easy! I think I am paying for it now! :) And, standing on hardwoods barefoot is never a good thing...pregnant or not!

Feeling much better this week (physically). Generally, I am more tired this go around, but I think I would be whether I was in my 20s or 30s. There's just no down time! Ben (3) is not a napper and I just crave a mid-afternoon siesta...maybe on Cinco de Mayo (Maio)!!! Mary is more of a helper (5), but seems to fight terribly with Ben if I'm not supervising! Just need to get to bed earlier, I suppose!

I will tell you something funny, every time I have one of these bad days/couple of days, I'll wake up a couple days later and have a terrible breakout all over my face. I swear I feel 13 again! AAAGH!

Take care,
Val

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 1:15pm

Joan!!!

Thank you for your kind words! Your experience with special needs kiddos sounds delightful...and what a fun and wonderful setting. I've read a bit about therapeutic horse training and it sounds like such a wonderful program.

Anyway, enough about me! You are nearing the Big D day!!! I bet you are so excited. I know you are going to have your hands full, but I can't wait to hear about how much in LOVE you are with your baby boy! I know...b/c I remember feeling disappointment when I learned that Ben was a boy and not a 2nd girl. I just knew nothing about boys and wasn't sure how I could enjoy him as much as my daughter.

Of course, now, 3 years later, I can't imagine life without him. He seriously loves on me more than my daughter! I'll be sad when the kisses, lap snuggles and "I love you the mostest, mom" stop! I know the day will eventually come! LOL

This is going to be one special little prince joining your family.

Best wishes for a safe delivery. Looking forward to when you post the big news!

Hugs,
Val

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 1:24pm

Thanks for the well wishes, Val. One of my other friends who has 3 girls and one boy (her son being the youngest) told me that even today at the age of five, her son has such a special bond and strong love with her that she swears if he could crawl back into her belly, he would! I'm really, really looking forward to having him and am totally at peace with his being a boy. Thanks again for the kind thoughts.

I hope you're feeling better. As if you don't have enough to worry about with two children and a third on the way, those darn pregnancy hormones tend to wreak havoc on you. Hang in there, my friend!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 1:24pm

Hi Donna.

Thank you so much your kind words and taking the time to respond.

I know what you mean about seeing kiddos/adults with DS...and I think you are right. You just become hypervigilant and start really noticing people around you.

In a way, it's nice to see so many people with disabilities working and living out in our communities. I've also learned that the education and health sectors have made huge strides and advances in working with babies with a DS diagnosis. Early intervention seems to be the key.

I also understand your sentiments about your older children. I even had one woman email me and share with me that she actually terminated a DS pregnancy b/c of desire not to want to "burden" her only child with a special needs sibling. While I would have made a different choice, I certainly don't pass judgment on her. Caring for a DS sibling is a real possibility/probability that one doesn't ask for.

But, in the big scheme of things, we never know what life is going to hand us. I would expect (or maybe hope is a better word) that if one of my children were critically injured/paralyzed that their siblings would be ready to step up to the plate and help provide love and care should something happen to mom and dad. One just never knows.

Wishing you all the best with your continued pregnancy. Sounds like things are going well.

Val

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 1:33pm

Hi Sweet Jenna! How are you? I hope everything continues to go well.

Yes, both my 14w6d and 21week scans were great. Not a single soft-tissue marker was seen. The peri released me to my regular OB with the direction that we continue to have monthly growth scans at the OBs office.

So, I had a 26 week u/s yesterday.

Again, he looked so beautiful and healthy. Not a thing to be seen or cause concern. He measured in the 60th percentile and I guess is considered to be a "big boy". LOL

I will do my glucose tolerance test in 2 weeks w/ a follow-up appt. after. I guess b/c of how they appts. fell, I'm beginning 2 week visits then. Seems early, but then again, we're getting closer and closer to our due dates! If I fail that 1-hour test, we're skipping the 3 hour all together and just calling it gestational diabetes. Thank goodness for that! It is nearly impossible to wrangle a 5 and 3 year old for 3 hours in an OBs office.

I haven't decided on amnio yet. While definitely ruled it out early on due to my loss history, I am more open to the idea as we get closer to a delivery date and the risk level drops, even if I were to deliver early.

Like I said, hope you are doing well!

val

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 4:29pm

Val, I'm doing well, though I have just been informed I am officially at high risk for preterm labor and pack under the monitoring of the peri dept, and need to monitor myself for an hour every morning and evening, and I may be put on progesterone injections, depending on how my progesterone levels look. I have an appt to learn how to monitor for contractions tomorrow. I already did an early 1 hour GTT I think around 16w which I passed, am getting another around 27 weeks. Had some trace amounts of ketones in my urine the past couple of appt which my doc said was dehydration, so I need to watch my fluids. Wondering if it is because I'm not eating enough/gaining enough weight though, only 6 lbs so far. Our baby girl is growing right on track though, she was 6 days ahead at 21 week u/s.

Did your blood tests and NT give you a 1 in 17 risk? Because I was told that if the level 2 u/s is 100% good on all 10 markers, that lowers your risk by 50%, and a little more after the 21 week u/s. So that would mean by now your chances of DS are less than 3%, which is an over 97% chance that your baby does not have DS. Hopefully this gives you some reassurance. It did for me.

- Jenna, 41, DH 38 TTC since September '06 with MFI. 3 failed unmedicated IUI's with DH sperm, 1 failed IUI with injects with DH sperm, IVF #1 BFN, FET BFP but M/c week 5, IVF#2 BFP m/c week 7, IUI with injects and donor sperm: probable chemical pg. 1 failed unmedicated DS/IUI. Started BCP's 7/30 for IVF #3, ER 9/10, ET 9/15, Beta 9/24 results 9/25. BFP, Twins. Lost 1st twin at 9-10 weeks, lost second twin at 16 weeks 12/17/08. Attempted IUI #4 converted to DS/DH IUI April 09 at my request, BFP and M/c. IVF #4 June 09 BFN. DS-IUI w/injects 7/6/09, BFN. Hysteroscopic myomectomy to remove fibroid 7/29/09.Unmedicated DS-IUI 9/09, BFN. DS-IUI with injects, 10/09, BFP and M/C. DH/DS-IUI with injects and HGH, 12/6. BFP! Betas: 12dpo 12/18 58, 14 dpo 12/20 157, 16dpo 12/22 379, 22 dpo 12/28 4,002



pregnancy
- Jenna