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|Sun, 05-02-2010 - 12:07am|
So I haven't been around much this past week.
I've just had a rough week...I don't really know why.
we had our big gender reveal party last Saturday and I will say that hosting/cleaning/prepping for that event seemed to knock the wind out of my sails. After the last guest left, I ached so bad...I could barely climb into bed. Believe me when I say I felt every bit of my 40.5 years!!! LOL
Anyway, for some reason, I have been a mess of tears this week. I've been crying over Baby Boy possibly having Down Syndrome. I know the NT blood work is only a risk assessment; I know that odds are in my favor if I divide 1 into 17, but honestly, either the hormones or general emotions are just getting the best of me.
I'm crying as I type this.
I don't even know why.
I'm totally capable of caring for a child with DS...I'm educator for goodness sakes.
I'm not even so concerned about my age...I know my beautiful daughter, who so lovingly cares for her 3 year old brother, will be able to step up to the plate (if need be) to care for Baby Brother, but I think its imagining the loss of hopes and dreams for your child.
Every where I go, I see adults/young people with DS. Is this a sign from God? I saw a middle age man with DS collecting the shopping carts at Home Depot and burst into tears. My daughter was so surprised by my reaction...she kept asking what was wrong.
Coincidentally, I've been following a blog (Enjoying the Small Things) about a 30-year old woman's surprise gift of a daughter born with DS in January of this year. Her father was a guest poster and wrote his account of the birth...and finding out Baby Nella had DS. I sobbed as I read it and left Kelle (the blog author) a message. Her sweet FATHER wrote me a message back telling me that he was praying for me, that he couldn't wait to find out our little man's name and that he already knew I was the perfect mother for this little guy regardless of his diagnosis.
Needless to say, I sobbed!
So, sorry to ramble, but I just wanted you to know why I wasn't around much lately. All is well and I have my monthly OB appt. on Monday. I have some questions...do we need specialists in the OR in case baby does have DS...who will tell me first? My husband or her? Etc.
Like I said...anxious.