Waiting to Have Kids- WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Waiting to Have Kids- WDYT?
9
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:13am

Hi, ladies-


There have been some good discussions here on comments some of you have received about being pregnant in your 40's.

 

reena050809.jpg 0809 picture by reena102

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 12:26pm

Thanks for the link to this article.

As a woman who waited/delayed having children, I unfortunately did experience infertility. Although, ours was the male-factor variety.

My reason for waiting until I was 30 to start trying to have a baby was primarily b/c my parents had me when they were young. Not 18-year olds, but they got pregnant with me 3 months after they were married. I often heard that my mother wished she had waited (not that they didn't love me or want me), and had spent more time as a couple without kids.

So, having that ingrained in my head, I did the education thing...actually went on to get a 2nd bachelor degree and enjoying 5 years of married life together. Then, lo and behold, unbeknown to us, we had an infertility problem on our hands.

I gave birth after several losses to our IVF/ICSI daughter just 3-weeks shy of my 35th birthday and a couple months shy of our 11th wedding anniversary. I went on to have a "bonus" baby at age 37 and now our 2nd "bonus" baby at age 40! The whole fertility/infertility thing is crazy around our house!

That being said, I don't think I would personally recommended women "waiting" until 40 to have their first baby...but if that's the circumstances life gives you then I definitely say go for it! And while many of us on this thread are over 40 and successfully carrying to term, I've also seen a higher number than average (compared to other threads with a younger age group) go on to have miscarriages. I think, if you don't know the facts and what the reality of our age group faces, than you are fooling yourself thinking that you can easily get pregnant and carry to term.

My best friend from childhood, just experienced her 3rd failed IVF cycle. The first two were canceled due to poor ovarian response and the the 3rd was a successful 5-day transfer. Unfortunately, she miscarried 7 weeks later. Pathology was performed and baby boy was chromosomally normal, but was probably miscarried due to a genetic defect. Seems that the 6-8 week window is a critical window in embryo development and even if the normal amount of chromosomes are present, the genes on those chromosomes can go awry. A bitter pill to swallow.

I also think that the media doesn't portray the whole story when women like Madonna, Celine Dion, Jennifer Lopez, etc. get pregnant in their late 30s, early 40s. Did you know that Brooke Shields went through in vitro 8 times before it was a success? Who has the kind of money? Not typically your average couple even if they are dual income!

Just a few of my thoughts! I'm pretty passionate about not taking your fertility for granted. For, as in my case, you might not be infertile at all...you just don't know about your partner!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 2:28pm
Thank you for your very thoughtful and thorough response.

 

reena050809.jpg 0809 picture by reena102

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 5:50pm

I haven't read the article but FWIW - my 2 cents.


I didn't "wait" to have children.

Susan L.



Robert Edward Xavier Lin - Born July 31, 2010 at 5:56AM, 6 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long. He spent 2 weeks in the NICU but he's doing great now!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 9:23pm

I think the article is not bad, it actually looks at the other side of the statistics-- women who successfully have babies at 40 and beyond. But it, like most of the articles I've seen on the subject, ignores those of us who got pregnant almost by accident-- maybe after we partly bought into the idea that it was highly improbable and became lax about birth control. Not long ago I thought I would likely never become a mom, and now it's looking more likely with each passing week. I know there are several others here besides me who fall into the category of the surprise pregnancy after 40.

Thanks for posting the link.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2009
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 4:13am

I think the number of women who "wait" to have kids *because* they can use technology to get pregnant is probably very, very small.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 7:44am

Btw, didn't mean to imply my baby is an "accident" that I regret. He's turning out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. But the fact remains, I wasn't sure I could still get pregnant and was surprised by how easily I did. But I also don't mean to minimize issues of infertility at an age.

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 6:46pm

Like Susan, I waited to try to have kids until I was married, which was at age 38. We started trying right after the wedding, but had MFI, and then I had multiple miscarriage issues.

The majority of women in my area that I know have had first children after age 35, and many in their 40's. Most of these women who have kids later in life have done so not because they wanted to wait for kids, but because they were waiting for a good partner/family for the child, or because they had infertility and could not have children earlier. In two cases they were partnered much earlier, but were uncertain about whether they wanted kids at all, but as the bio clock started to click louder, and they matured, decided they did (or ended up unexpectedly pg and went with it).

While I know not everyone has the luxury of an "ideal" situation, for me, I think the ideal time to have kids is when you are in a good, healthy, stable, financially secure partnered relationship, where both partners feel ready and eager to have a child. For many women, especially educated professional women in coastal metropolitan areas, this combination does not occur until later in life. If I had met my husband and married earlier, we would have tried earlier, but that just isn't how it worked out. And I admit, marriage was not something I thought about a lot in my 20's, and I spent many years in relationships with men that I didn't see going anywhere. In my 30's, I got much more serious about my relationships, with the goals of marriage and family in mind.

- Jenna, 41, DH 38 TTC since September '06 with MFI. 3 failed unmedicated IUI's with DH sperm, 1 failed IUI with injects with DH sperm, IVF #1 BFN, FET BFP but M/c week 5, IVF#2 BFP m/c week 7, IUI with injects and donor sperm: probable chemical pg. 1 failed unmedicated DS/IUI. Started BCP's 7/30 for IVF #3, ER 9/10, ET 9/15, Beta 9/24 results 9/25. BFP, Twins. Lost 1st twin at 9-10 weeks, lost second twin at 16 weeks 12/17/08. Attempted IUI #4 converted to DS/DH IUI April 09 at my request, BFP and M/c. IVF #4 June 09 BFN. DS-IUI w/injects 7/6/09, BFN. Hysteroscopic myomectomy to remove fibroid 7/29/09.Unmedicated DS-IUI 9/09, BFN. DS-IUI with injects, 10/09, BFP and M/C. DH/DS-IUI with injects and HGH, 12/6. BFP! Betas: 12dpo 12/18 58, 14 dpo 12/20 157, 16dpo 12/22 379, 22 dpo 12/28 4,002



pregnancy
- Jenna
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 8:52pm

When I talk about a surprise pregnancy, I'm not just talking about myself and the fact that I'm single. I have seen a number of married women come on this board and report they were "surprised" to find out they were pregnant. Married or not, some of us bought into the myth that it's nearly impossible to become pregnant without technological intervention after 40.

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2008
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 11:59am

I chose to abstain from sex until married, thus eliminating my chances to have a baby before 27. Then infertility reared it's head, and I beat it back with drugs and had babies at 30, 33, and then had

Andy, Gerard, Sarah, Merina and Emma call me Mama,


but you can call me