just need a little advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
just need a little advice
4
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 3:02pm

hello.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 3:25pm

First, let me say how sorry I am for your losses.

Second, I think when it comes to matters of the heart, teenagers are so fickle! I'm not saying that by adding a new baby to the family there won't be challenges to meet, but as much as you appreciate and listen to their input, the final decision rests with you and your spouse/partner.

Finally, 39 is by no means too old to consider having a 3rd baby. I've only had my kiddos being "AMA" (advanced maternal age) (35, 37, and now 40) so I understand that makes a difference, but there are women even older than me on here expecting their 1st or 3rd or 7th! LOL

My husband's sister had her 3rd when her children were 13 and 11 and while there was an adjustment period (to the idea that, good golly, their parents still do that kind of thing!) they have loved and nurtured that little doll since the day she arrive. Now at 16, 14 and 3 all is well.

Good luck with your decision!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 3:38pm
Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 4:51pm

You're welcome.

I hope it didn't sound like I was implying that you would let your kiddos make the final decision...I know that as "older" moms, we're a bit more confident in our own decision-making than that! LOL

And I do understand where you are coming from...my sister-in-law just couldn't get it out of her heart that there was someone missing from their family. So while the span was quite large between middle and third child, the desire for that 3rd baby had been a long time coming.

I miscarried last year, at 39, and unfortunately, have had 4 other miscarriages in addition to that loss. We began trying to build our family when I was 29 and discovered that we had male factor infertility. We had 4 losses before conceiving our first born via IVF/ICSI.

Unfortunately, due to no infertility insurance coverage, we both agreed that we just couldn't do IVF a 2nd time, but would throw caution to the wind. We did end up conceiving our 2nd born (a boy) on our own...our bonus baby...when I was 37. Miscarriage #5 occurred at age 39 and was the first time we had lost a baby with a heart beat. The assumption made was chromosomal defect, but no pathology was performed.

I decided to throw in the towel last August when I turned 40 and just make peace with my 5 year old girl blessing and 3 year old boy blessing when lo and behold, I got pregnant last November...just as I was preparing baby items for donation!

So, you just never know what God has up his sleeve!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2008
Sat, 05-22-2010 - 9:16am

Hi, and welcome (back).

Robynne mama to Emily (3/26/99), Allison (5/13/02)