42 and Frustrated....sorry, long

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
42 and Frustrated....sorry, long
Sat, 05-29-2010 - 4:00pm

Hi everyone,

So, I am frustrated about many things.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Sun, 05-30-2010 - 12:38am
Hi Michelle, I'm Molly and a frequent reader/member of this board. Just wanted to say I'm sorry for your frustrations. Maybe you could think about switching doctors? I mean, if the one you have now is only making you more frustrated, then maybe that's not the doctor you would feel most comfortable with during a new pregnancy. I hope you can find a doctor who at the very least has a more positive attitude. I'm not saying don't bother losing weight, but try to find somebody who can put you in a more optimistic frame of mind. Then you can feel more relaxed about trying to attain your goal of a new baby. And after all, you did have a baby before so you know you can do it again. I wish you good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 05-31-2010 - 5:46pm

I don't see how a doc can tell you not to try to have a baby because of your weight, and put a number on the amount you must lose in order for them to work with you. I agree with the pp-- the fact that this doc has seemed to put all the blame on you might suggest it's time to seek another doctor.

Best of luck with your efforts.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
Mon, 05-31-2010 - 11:42pm

Thank you both so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2008
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 10:54am

I'd find a different doctor.

I weighed 265 when I had the IUI because my husband has low sperm counts.

Andy, Gerard, Sarah, Merina and Emma call me Mama,

but you can call me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 1:54pm


I don't think it was her regular OB/GYN that was giving her the weight loss advice...I think it was the RE specialist that they referred her to.

In America, REs are private practice...you (or your insurance company if you are so fortunate) pays for the coverage. REs are big business in the US and thus, they often decline patients based on certain criteria such as age (some clinics will not accept patients over age 41 or 43 unless they consent to using donor eggs), weight, previous medical history, etc. b/c they like to determine if you will be a likely SUCCESSFUL candidate.

Most RE clinics want to be able to publish their stats with the CDC that shows how many eggs they retrieved, how many embryos they created and transferred, and then how many LIVE births they have. The key is LIVE births.

So, even though this is really her husband's fertility problem, her weight and previous history with preeclampsia does factor in.

They can and often do turn women away.

On the other hand, b/c it is private practice, you can shop around for the RE that best fits your situation. I'm sure there are other clinics out there that would accept her as a patient.

Just my perspective from having personally been an IVF/ICSI patient. And at 180 lbs, I was also given the "need to lose weight to increase the likelihood of success" conversation, but we weren't turned away. And just try and tell a woman who is stessed about not being able to get pregnant to "lose" weight! HA!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 2:13pm

Hi Michelle!

First off, congrats on receiving such good news about your own fertility! That is half the battle!!!

I agree with Kelli Sue that it might be best to shop around for a new RE. I don't know what type of insurance coverage you have or need in order to go forward, but I don't think this clinic sounds like the right match.

I too was given the "weight loss" pep talk when my husband and I underwent infertility treatments.

Chris' male-factor was/is on the moderately severe side so we didn't have success with our first attempt at IUI as Kelli Sue did. So we proceeded directly to IVF/ICSI after that failed attempt.

BUT, ironically, I have gone on two have two babies since our successful IVF/ICSI procedure in 2004. Our daughter, Mary Catherine, will be 6 in August. I was 180 lbs when I got pregnant with Mary...a good 40 lbs overweight. I was 35 at at the time.

At 37 and 190 lbs, we conceived Benjamin on our own! No medical intervention necessary...and obviously nothing had changed with my husband.

At 39, I conceived yet again (same weight), but miscarried a baby with a heart beat. It was a sad time and I sort of medicated myself with food.

Now at 40, I am pregnant with our 3rd due August 6th. Again w/o any medical intervention and at 200lbs.

And while I haven't gained any weight (maybe about 7 total), I have developed gestational diabetes for the 3rd time. I figured I would get it again...and I did. And I do believe that my being overweight (even though I don't gain any or very little weight during my pregnancies) contributes to this problem. That and I have a family history with Type 2...eeek!

You've proved the doctors wrong once before...just as I have, that being overweight does not necessarily interfere with every woman's ability to conceive...even those of us married to men with male-factor infertility!

I will tell you this...not that losing weight isn't going to be healthier for you in the long run, but whenever I was actively dieting (even following a healthy plan like Weight Watchers), I couldn't seem to conceive on my own. I wasn't starving myself by any means, but I think the weight loss and exercise did interfere with my ovulation. But, if you are being medically stimulated to ovulate, that probably overrides the pituitary and any hormone fluctuations due to weight loss.

I agree with the other ladies that you should find a new clinic and fast! You and your husband (or insurance company...and we all know those IF benefits do eventually run out) are paying good money for a high tech medical service. You are the consumer and and should demand the best! Don't beat yourself up over the weight!!!

Wishing you all the luck in the world!


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 2:27pm


I'm sorry the RE is not being helpful.

I am 46, 7

Susan L.

Robert Edward Xavier Lin - Born July 31, 2010 at 5:56AM, 6 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long. He spent 2 weeks in the NICU but he's doing great now!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 7:53pm

Thank you so much for your replies, made me feel so much better.

I live in the Kansas City area.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 10:58am


I live in the KC area!!! Who did you see? We might have seen the same one since I go the same weight loss pep talk! I do know of a few in the area.

On my husband's side of the family (his mother's side...his cousins) we have SEVEN IVF babies. Can you believe that? Can you say hereditary infertility problems? I think someone should do a study on us LOL.

Two of us (my husband and his cousin) used the same RE. The other cousin went with a different clinic (north of the river).


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 11:36am


Sure sounds like a study is in order!!

We went to RRC.