DH is jealous of baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2008
DH is jealous of baby
8
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 12:09pm

My DH is jealous of our newborn son.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
Tue, 11-04-2008 - 3:30pm

Hi Rachelle,


How are you doing ...how is little baby Esai?


Sorry you have to go throught that with your husband...geeesh, you had it bad enough with your daughter ...you certainly dont need that hassle with husband. Do you think he is jelaous because he used to get all of your attention, or is jeleous because he thinks Esai loves you more than him?? Either way...he has to get over it...I was getting ticked off just reading your post thinking "you dont need that". Any how my only suggestion is to keep doing what your doing...give him attention too and lots of "ego stroking" and hopefully it is just a phase.


All the Best


Lori


PS:Esai is very cute!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Tue, 11-04-2008 - 5:22pm

Rachelle, I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't.

Monica

 

Summer Fun

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 7:12am

Hello!


My DH was exactly as you are describing in the weeks and months following the birth of my DD, 3 years ago. I think it was partly my fault because I was always in a terrific hurry to take baby into my arms when she cried. I also excluded him by co-sleeping with my DD (DH quickly moved into another room since he couldnt sleep through all of the baby-disturbances) and by breastfeeding exclusively for a very long time. I realised DH was becoming very jealous and miserable quite late on and tried to involve him more by always asking him to change DD when he was at home, by asking him to help bath her, by asking him to cut her nails (saying that I couldnt do it myself) and when she first began to eat I asked him to feed her, saying it would be better coming from him. He responded well. The problem that developed later was that DD went through a phase of her own jealousy towards DH - she simply didnt like having him around. But that comes much later on...


This time around DH has his hands full with DD, so there is less "competition"!


I hope you can resolve this more quickly than I did. It took us a long time to get through it as a couple


Torielle

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 9:11pm


I really wouldn't stress over it (if possible!) because I think a lot of men feel somewhat 'displaced' by a newborn. Specially since you guys were married for such a short period of time before baby arrived. And the smiling thing etc? Well to be honest men just don't find the same things interesting about baby that women do. Wait until the baby is a bit older and doing stuff and DH will be so much more interested and involved. I mean if I was being honest I found the baby stage very boring also, you put in a lot of work for very little return, KWIM? But once my guys started to move around and talk and develop their own personalities, well they just became the mega interesting little guys that they still are today! So really don't expect DH to drop everything and rush to baby's side because you think he is smiling. Remember they are just wired differently!

And when your little guy is around 7, he will begin to show a huge preference for Daddy, which can sometimes leave Mom feeling a bit 'left out'. So, you see, it changes as they get older...

Good luck, and don't worry, DH will enjoy baby in his own way!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 10:25pm

Sorry you are going through the jealousy thing with your DH. While everyone is different, some men really go through a displacement thing...I think because they feel replaced (the baby gets your energy and attention that he used to get) and also because they just don't know how to interact with a baby "naturally" as mothers do (or so they think we do) and feel left out. My ex had alot of trouble with my first duaghter....when she cried he felt helpless and handed her over to me, because she calmed down when he did. I breast fed, so he didn't feel like he was bonding the same because he wasn't feeding the baby. I think he was a bit afraid of her to be honest...and she sensed that. Of course things worked out and when my second duaghter was born things were different. Also the older the girls got the more they interacted with thier father "doing things". I hope things get worked out early on for you and your DH...but it should get better with time, he is a new dad and learning...


 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 10:25pm

No, no - I think you missed my meaning on the smiling thing.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 10:42pm

Rachelle, I think it is beautiful that you are so into your son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2008
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 2:59pm
wow, im not gonna lie, i would be crushed.and even if my dh felt that way i couldnt imagine him actually epressing it.not haviing post partum depression, or being over whelmed,and that you love your little baby so much is normal and he should be so happy for that. but i have heard of this before.hmm i would probably tun the tables and pretend to be a little overwhelmed myself with baby so he could bond and feel some pride with his son. (give him oportunity )

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