being forced
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| Wed, 08-25-2004 - 10:33am |
as of this saturday i will no longer be pregnant. as of today i am a month and a week pregnant but saturday will be no more. i am being foced into killing my child by his or her father. i never thought i could hate him so much but i do. he knows i want ths baby more then life itself but yet he is focing me to kill it telling me this is what s best for all of us. telling me we dont have the money for the baby that he or she wasnt planned as it should have. but let me ask how many of you have had a child that was not planned? i know alot of people friends and family that just had kids that they never planned to have yet they still had them. they still loved them.so why does it seem as if he doesnt love our baby? why doesnt he want our child? so what if we are not ready will we ever be?yes we are both young and have time but it is not our choice to kill a life if it was sent by god then it was ment to happen. but yet i allow him to make me do this no matter how much i hate it. as of this saturday at 7:45am i will no longer be a mother. this will be my second child i have lost do to him and his family. my first baby i lost with only 4mo to go but i lost her from stress they all caused me making my body go into premature labor having me give birth then hold my dying child as the doctors tell me there is nothing the could do for her. if they were able to save my daughter she would be 1yr 1mo right now. not they are doing it to me again. i can feel it my child isnt well already and i'm only a month and a week. they strted to kil my child from the day they knew he or she existed by stressing me out and maing m body feel so much pain and confusion. i dont know if the father of my children decided to do what he has on his own or had help from his family. trying to bribe me into doing this telling me if i kill my child we will be married by january and then have another baby by may of next year.which is wrong a life for a life. it make me wonder how he was taught growing up? was he taught its ok to kill on thing cause u can always get another later on. why does no one ever want or love my children besides me?why does no one ever want to help me with any of this? why does no one care about how i feel and about what i want? nothing matters to any of them as long as they are happy with the decision that was made as long as they dont have to help with any of it. as long as they put me through so much pain they possibly can. as long as the kill everything i love so dearly in this world. if i could i rather kill myself then my own child.but then i would have to worry bout who would take care of him or her. they are hurting my child already cause i cant even it and when i do since i'm so stress i throw up so nothing stays in my system, i'm so worried all the time i cant sleep at night, my back is killing me, my ankcles are swollen and my chest is all bruesed. they are not just hurting and killing me they are doing it to my child and hey know that so right now whether my heart and head agree the best thing is to stop my child for all the pain they have all cause for me and for him or her even if i will hate myself and the rest of them for as long as i live. i know longer have a choice in anything regarding me and my body and whatever my be growing in it. unless i can figure out something else to do i have nothing else except a broken heart.

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I am so sorry for what you're having to go through. I don't want to butt in or give unwanted advice, but I hear a lot of doubt in your message (I mean, A LOT of doubt). While I'm firmly pro-choice, and I guess this isn't the right place for an abortion debate anyway, I think if you have any doubts whatsoever, you should not go through with the procedure. You seem to want this baby very much, regardless of what the father thinks. God has a way of taking care of things, and if he sent you this child (which I believe he did) and you want this child, please trust that he'll also give you a way to take care of him or her.
Another thing bothers me about the father's actions. He's trying to bribe you into marriage by terminating this pregnancy?!?!? Two things seem wrong here: 1) Do you think he'll really be ready to get married in January? and 2) Do you really want to marry someone like this anyway? I know you didn't ask for my opinion, but it sounds to me like you're better off without this guy.
I hope you're not offended by what I've said. I just want you to know that you do have options, and there are people here who care about what happens to you. It sounds like you're feeling pretty defeated and hopeless right now. Please don't do anything irreversible until you're absolutely sure it's the right decision for YOU. No one else matters in this scenario except YOU and how you feel about YOUR BABY.
We are here for you always! Please let us know how you're doing.
((HUGS))
LeeAnne
EDD 11/11/04
Alicia
EDD 12-12-04
Carrie
Kelly
Alicia
EDD 3-6-05
I'm not even sure where to begin. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can force you to have an abortion. One of the elements of pro-choice is CHOICE. That means you can choose to keep this pregnancy if you want it. Believe me, there are many, many resources out there to help you keep this pregnancy - you are not dependent on your boyfriend. You are an adult. It is time to make an adult decision for yourself, by yourself. Sure, you can and should listen to input from the father. But do not be a child forever and have him make your decisions for you.
Now about your boyfriend. He is abusive. He may not have hit you(?), but by forcing you into a medical procedure that you don't want, he is abusive. He is controlling you both physically and emotionally, and it sounds like he has already managed to isolate you from your support system of friends and family. Those are all signals of an abuser. If you marry him in January, it will only get worse. He may well graduate to something worse. If there is any love in your relationship, it sounds one-sided. He has a love for himself. If he loved you he would not force you to do this thing. My advice, from probably thousands of miles away and based on your one note, is to walk out the door RIGHT NOW. Don't sleep on it. Don't worry about your stuff - it is all replaceable. Just walk out, go to your nearest battered women's shelter and show them a printout of your first post. They will be able to guide you to other resources that can help you. Unless you take drastic steps, your situation will deteriorate. Each hesitation gives your abuser more power. Each time he will step a little further over that line. So don't hesitate. Leave. Today. Now. Start a new life, and he can either change and join you or you can move on to a better life. And it will be better.
Maybe I'm mean and heartless.
NO ONE CAN FORCE YOU TO ABORT THE BABY. NO ONE. If you go into the clinic, you are doing it yourself. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but if you really want this baby and if you really disagree with aborting it, then going throughh with it on Saturday will only make you hate yourself and the father.
Get out of the relationship. Keep your baby. Look for insurance and financial support from the government if you have to. Look for any family or friends who can help. There has to be someone out there. And if not, plenty of people raise children on their own. My mother did. you can too.
Camille
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Jewel (Chicago)
Heather edd 10/31
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