Heartbeat!! First u/s

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Heartbeat!! First u/s
23
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 3:49pm

Hi everyone, I was hestitant to introduce myself since we've suffered a lot of losses (4 within past year+), but we just made it through one of I hope ALL milestones! I went in to my u/s and we saw a heartbeat beating away at 113! I am 6 weeks and 1 day- due date 10/20/05! I am very excited!

KAREN- I hope we both continue with great news throughout! I had soo little sleep last night and was eating very little - so now DH is making a cheesesteak (I know- not that healthy) and I am going to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..!!

grow babies grow healthy!!
Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 1:25pm

Hi Karen,

Thanks again for your upbeat messages- I am glad I'm not dragging you down! I'm feeling calmer today but mostly because It just hit me how tired I am (not sleeping so well- but I did sleep 7.5 hours) and I am feeling a little queezy.. ah.. who knows.. maybe it's psychosymatic since I'm hoping (in a perverse way) to get m/s as an assurance.. I'm also soo constipated.. (though I recognize progesterone is the culprit for this- and i am taking crinone 2xday).. headaches .. anyway, those symptoms give me hope everything is fine.. oh well- this is TMI for sure!!

I will try to go walking- but I'm on pins and needles about exercise! The skiing on 2nd pg and now it's snowed all over the place- I fell on my behind walking on snow/ice and the words from my RE "careful walking in snow and ice" are floating in my head!

That once a week u/s has GOT to be helping you mentally.. I think it would help me- but I'd have to demand it (and technically have no "reason" to demand it) - in some way, I also think my RE has figured out I read everything and if one piece of data comes back a little off- I will worry.. Yep.. I'm officially neurotic.. though the office is very sweet when I call and can see my history and say "after all you;'ve been through.. it's normal to feel this way".. I hope I can see my OBGYN as planned.. I want to give him this HUGE hug that I'm still in the game (I had to go to an RE due to it being recurrent).. I love my obgyn..

Okay- I'm babbling.. Why is this baby the last attempt (not that naything will go wrong- Karen!! You're doing wonderfully!)? Pardon me if this is too personal.

EDD is 10/20/05.. My next u/s is next Friday (a week+ away)..

grow babies grow healthy!!!! (just want to make sure i don't leave anyone's baby out of these wishes)

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 12:32pm

Hi Laura,

Well as I said in my other post, this is YOUR time. I want you to know the joy of holding your baby and watching him/her grow. No one should be denied this. It's your time and I'm really praying that everything goes well for you.

I now think that my RE saw something wrong early on and that is why he wanted to watch me closely, having weekly u/s's. I didn't even ask him that yesterday because I didn't want to know. I know he wants to perserve the tissue so he can get some good testing done. I'm still taking the progesterone to keep the miscarriage from acctually happening before my D&C tomorrow. It's so frustrating since I never even bled for this pg, it *was* going so perfect.

You had asked why this was my last attempt, well it's because 7 m/cs, plus my age means a very very high risk for more m/cs. I could easily go on to lose another 3 more like before my DD and I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired. I'm so tired of thinking about it. I want another baby so badly. I wish I could go back to when my DD was still a baby and hold her one more time....it goes by so fast. When you have your baby, savor each and every moment.

I'll be anxious to hear about your U/S. Do post right away. I'm really pulling for you. I do apologize if my post brings you down.

Hang in there baby and grow...grow....grow...for your Mommy and Daddy.

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 9:46pm

Hi Karen,

I do understand the being tired part (and stopping).. The emotional highs and lows (and in my case, crying fits, pure anger, depression and feeling like life is just too hard) has been so increadibly hard.. and this is 3 less than yolu have experienced. You sound very well balanced and strong.. I admire how you are handling this - you're so lucky to have your DD. Thank you so much for wishing at least one DD or DS for me.. I would treasure my child as you are doing with your child..

Are you going to ask your RE what he saw/suspected? Or do you just not want to know at this point? You don't have to apologize about bringing me down.. Yes, it really shook me.. in part since it scared me about my own pregnancy fate and the other larger part is imagining how you must feel.. Please post after your D&C and let me know you're okay..
I'll post after my next u/s (one week to go)..

My prayers and thoughts will be with you tomorrow- as they have been since I read your post..

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 8:57am

Karen, I read your update.. how are you?

Thinking of you,

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 1:08pm

Hi Laura,

Thank You for your concern. I'm sure you can relate. I'm hitting the anger stage now. I'm so sad but have been so numb the last couple of days. I went back to work yesterday and felt like a zombie. I'm just angry at life right now. I feel so alone in my sadness. My husband is great about it, always is, but he "gets over it" and I'm left with all the sadness inside and I don't want to bring him down too. I just can't even talk about it. I'm so tired of this dissapointment.

Physically I'm so bloated it's crazy. I LOOK 5 months pg. My DD actually sad "Mommy your tummy is so big, you must have a baby inside".....I'm just achy and I just want it all to go away.

I'm sorry....you're probably wishing you didn't ask me....;)

On a much brighter note....I'm so so sending you positive thoughts and prayers for this Friday. I can't wait to get your message, post right away. I really want this pg to work out for you. I've been where you are and it's such a desperate spot. I hate that anyone has to go through this to just have one baby.

BIG...BIG....BIG...Grow baby Grow vibes coming your way....>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 9:15am

Hi Karen,

The anger stage.. It seemed like I got stuck in that one.. from weeping to just angry at the world.. I had to look up the stages of grief and according to that - it's the second stage. I just recall that stage the most.. I understand what you mean about your husband- mine was supportive but he didn't go through the bond and the excitement to the same level as I did.. I know what you mean about feeling alone.. I hope you can find some company here with the ladies.. me in particular...

My u/s is tomorrow afternoon- it will be 8 weeks.. I flip from feeling perfectly normal (except for the constipation but that i KNOW is the progesterone supplements) to feeling newer ones such as my heart going faster and side stiches.. today my bbs don't even hurt.. I am so scared.. I don't know how I could handle another loss.. I am just so scared..

Thank you so much for your baby grow wishes- it really means a lot to me.. I hope I can help in some small way to what you are going through.. thank you for being here.. I will post after my u/s..

please baby grow healthy vibes to everyone...

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 5:36pm

Yes, I hate where are you at right now. It's so incredibly frustrating. You can't help but read into every little symptom or lack there of....All you can do is believe it has to work out THIS time. It's so much harder when you don't have a child yet. I can at least say, other then feeling this heavy finality, you do feel more at ease when you know you at least have one child. It's still hard though, a dream is a dream and when it's crushed it hurts.

I appreciate your compassion for me and wanting to help. I do really appreciate it.

You know this time, I think I went straight to the anger stage. I left the Dr's in shock, numb actually. Then I got mad.....really mad. So much that I felt like putting my fist through the windshield. I'm just sick of it. I wonder who in the universe have I ticked off. I feel defective. I hate my body...I hate other woman who have kids so easy and who have no business having them....etc....I'm sure you've gone through this...you can't help but feel these things when your body keeps failing to do what everyone else seems to do so efffortlessly. Lucky for me I live in a baby factory sub division. Most everyone here has at least 3 kids, some 4 and 5.....I'm surrounded by pregnant woman all the time. I'm constantly asked when I'm going to have more.....etc....I dread the summertime at the pool.

Ok, enough venting..... :)

Well I'm not an overly religious person but when I had my DD, I had everyone praying for me. I will say a prayer for you. You deserve this baby...

Stay strong little baby....grow...grow...grow.....>>>>

I think I'm about as anxious for your u/s results as you are.... :) Luckily I work from home on Friday's so I can check frequently. When I'm in the office I can't really check that often.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 5:53pm

Hi Karen,

Thank you so much for your prayers - and still being here. I got back from the u/s and fell asleep.. those extreme emotions do this.. Fortunately, everything looks good (yea!!!).. The measurements are right on track for 8w0d, heart was pittering at 167 (last time at 6w1d it was 113; i was reassured was normal but i thought it was on the low side).. and the pumkin has little arms and legs.. such a cute sight! It wiggled twice- and the RE said the heart was def. strong.. So.. made it through another 2 weeks..

Our next big event/issue is performing testing.. DH's family is full of doctors, I'm closest to his oldest sister who had CVS when she got pregnant with her last child at over 35.. CVS is done at 10-12 weeks so in 2 weeks I would be potentially scheduled.. DH wants to do this and I do too.. I am just scared of the risk and getting abnormal results.. The risk part - I had not felt this way before since now that I'm actually getting close FOR REAL (versus theory) of being able to test.. I'd fall apart if anything happened to our baby because of a test.. And abnormal test results.. The center is the same place where my RE is- they are on the of the largest in the country (exp.) and the largest in the area. So- celebrating for now... I want what the doctors call "an unremarkable pregnancy" - no more drama!!

Would you consider testing? A friend of mine is 40+ and got pregnant accidentally again (talk about drama, her marriage is the dumps- mentally abusive husband - they fooled around once and got pregnant - her not so DH wants nothing to do with this pg and accused her of many things- made her drive herself to her amnio- we both went to grad school together- makes no sense how she remains with him)- she had an amnio and it all came out okay. This would be her third child- she had her other two over 35 but didn;t test.. She only tested when she went over 40..

Thanks again for being here.. it means so much to me.. I read what someone else posted, I do hope you'll stick around? But it is up to you.. I hope so (being selfish in that answer). I also read your writing that you need time to heal and evaluate everything.. I completely understand needing time to heal.. Are you considering further testing (aside from analysis after d&c)? Talking to your RE (when you're ready) about what you think he saw? The encouraging part is that you have DD.. with me.. dr's don't know if i will carry to term since as you know, I have no children.

I understand the neighborhood part- everyone here - except one person- have an average of 3 children. They all quit their jobs too and stay at home (except for that one and another one with teenage kids now) so I have the double whammy of looking at me like an oddball with no kids and working. People stopped asking about us due to a neighbor who knew when we were going to try to start (but has not further knowledge of anything else that has gone on) and has told everyone. When we get together though- all I hear about is their kids. I completely understand the anger part- I had to witness one of the neighbors go through her pregnancy - and I feel very strongly that this person is the most undeserving person/racist (wanted an "all white school" for her kids)/selfish person.. this still gets me rilled up.

How are you lately? Thanks for sharing - I really hope I can be here for you..

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 8:36pm

I'm so glad I checked...for some reason I thought your U/S was tomorrow. THANK GOD!!! I'm thrilled your 8wk went well. Seeing all that movement is great. I didn't see that with my 8wk which is probably why things went so downhill after that u/s. I DID however see all that movement with my DD....YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I still have all my pics of my DD. I still love to look at them and I'm amazed that that little thing is my 4 yo DD.

Testing, well I'll tell you what I was planning. For me, NOTHING invasive. I was to have the blood work followed by the high densitiy u/s that looks for specific markers. I refused all these tests with my DD, I was 35 and had just the AFP, since it came back negative I needed no further testing. Talk this over with your DR. Make sure whatever you choose comes with no risk of m/c. The 2D u/s's work very well in identifing specific markers, that accompanied by bw, should be sufficient for you w/o any risks. I've got many friends that opted out of the amnio and CVS for these tests and had no problems. Besides this baby WILL NOT have anything wrong with him/her....he/she will be PERFECT.

I'm trying to heal....I'm trying to not think beyond that right now. However, I will say that the longing to have another child is really pushing my desier to keep ttc....I'm not sure and I have to consider my DH's feelings. We have not talked about it yet. We'll probably talk about after we get the test results.

I'm having some problems again from my D&C. Have you ever had bad bloating, some weight gain and pain after any of your D&C's. This happened to me last year too. I ended up getting an infection but this time around it can't be an infection as I'm taking antibiotics. Which I'm having a negative reaction to but that's a whole other story..... :) Just not a good "feel good" week for me.

Well I'm so glad I checked tonight. This has made my night getting your news. Get some rest. HOw are you feeling? are you very sick? If not, thank you lucky stars. I was deathly sick with my DD, lost 15 lbs. I was so sick and stressed from all the bleeding, it was the longest 20 weeks of my life, that's when it finally subsided and I finally enjoyed being pg....but it was worth it and I'd do it all again.

Yeaaa...I'm so excited for you. Ok little baby in there...you hang in there for Mom and Dad and keep growing...growing...growing....Good job Mommy!!!!

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Sun, 03-13-2005 - 7:37am

Hi Karen,

Thank you again for being here!!! Please be honest with me and let me know if this becomes hard.. Hopefully it will not be.. It helps so much to have someone who understands the fear. Let's see- it's been 3 days since the ultrasound and I'm not as panicked as before.. but still not resting easy.. My symptoms have gone down gradually now.. I just don't feel that bad- I am tired and hungry and if it wasn't for the newer side stiches I am getting, I'd be more worried.. I sometimes feel numb like I'm just gliding though things waiting for news on the baby- and trying to protect myself in case of anything.. I have my first OB appointment tomorrow and don't think he'll do an u/s but I feel like having one of those with me and checking constantly to see "are you ok in there still?"

The movement was encouraging.. at 8 weeks it is early to see movement (for what i read and by my RE and technician's reaction) - of course, one more week and evidentally, the baby gets very active.

I think we are going to do CVS.. having that early (hopefully) knowledge is important for me (at this stage after these experiences and given how nervous I am).. The SIL being a dr and having done it herself- she barely considers it invasive or risky. The center we go to is the #1 in the area and does thousands per year which is supposed to help reduce risk. I also read on the prenatal board that the other testing can lead to more false positives.. which scares me too.. No matter what- I'm scared.. Thanks for the reassurance that the baby will be okay. I know you don't know but being positive really helps! You've been right so far for me- I really hope you're right!

I was really "lucky" (as though any d&c is lucky but you know what I mean)- I had very little pain after each D&C.. During the d&c they gave me antibiotics or put some fluid in to help fight infection so i didn't take antibiotics. Were you able to take it easy afterwards? i stayed in bed for two days.. a huge part was depression to be perfectly honest. I did have some bloating- and the wonderful weight gain (still same size but everything fit tighter) from being preggo and eating more. How are you feeling now? Is it better?

Your plan to heal is very good.. As you know, the tissue analysis takes a few weeks anyway.. Did you ask your doctor if he had suspected anything? I hope you're healing well. I know how hard it is.. it's like the wind being knocked out of you.

Sending you tons of hugs.. (((((((karen))))))))

Laura

(i'll update after OB appt.. I still feel like this is surreal.. I had to go see an RE since my losses were too many for my OB- he;s great wonderful man.. I have always seen the welcome to pregnancy bags and wonder if i'll get one.. should i get one? when do i know for sure i should get one?)