My morbid fascination with loss

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
My morbid fascination with loss
4
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 1:53am

I have a confession to make and this feels like the only place that someone might help me understand this. When I read Expecting Club posts I first read all of the ones that mention m/c or loss or complications. In some weird way I find them reassuring, compelling, fascinating.

I'm not sure whether its something to do with imagining the worst so that I don't get hopeful and attached or just a feeling of "its happening to THEM, not ME" but I find the usual posts about burping and morning-sickness just too innocent and unreal. Its like I feel like saying "watch out for monsters" to them.

Its not that I wish any ill experience on anyone - in fact I eagerly read follow-ups hopeful that the prognosis has changed and all is well - but still, the concerns and difficulties sections seems to be the one I relate to.

Has anyone else felt something like this? will it pass? I feel like such a pessimist thesedays and I'm not like that in life usually.

Shannon

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 6:17am

Shannon,
I'm so glad you posted this as I am exactly the same. I have this morbid fascination with it and I too find it kind of reassuring - or something, I don't know what. I don't know whether by reading it, I feel better about my situation but I feel so sorry for the people who have experienced problems or losses and I say a prayer for each of them. I also find that I read the new intros in the TTCAM board to see what others have experienced.

I think to me I feel that it just gives me a reality check and to remind myself that I can never be too certain that everything will work out. Funny thing, is that I have been like this with all my pregnancies - not just after my miscarriage. I think I like to prepare myself for what might happen and as much as I know it's not a healthy thing to do, I can't seem to stop.

Anyway, who knows why we do it... I'm sorry I can't offer any suggestions. Just know that you're not alone.

Cheers,
Helen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2004
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 8:40am

Shannon,


I think I know what you mean but I wouldn't call it a fascination or anything like that.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 10:30am

Shannon,


When I first found out I was pregnant in Feb, I was all sorts of pessimistic.

  Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 12:11pm
i think that once you have gone through loss/es such as we have the innocence of pregnancy is completley gone. you just dont' get the same feeling of excitement like you did the 1st time you were preg or like your friends that never have suffered such a loss do. you realize how fragile life is. the burping/gas questions just sometimes are that innocense...what we would have preferred 100 times over to the loss of our babies. make sense? (((HUGS)))


Lilypie Baby Ticker

Lilypie Baby Ticker


Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting