My morbid fascination with loss
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| Fri, 07-15-2005 - 1:53am |
I have a confession to make and this feels like the only place that someone might help me understand this. When I read Expecting Club posts I first read all of the ones that mention m/c or loss or complications. In some weird way I find them reassuring, compelling, fascinating.
I'm not sure whether its something to do with imagining the worst so that I don't get hopeful and attached or just a feeling of "its happening to THEM, not ME" but I find the usual posts about burping and morning-sickness just too innocent and unreal. Its like I feel like saying "watch out for monsters" to them.
Its not that I wish any ill experience on anyone - in fact I eagerly read follow-ups hopeful that the prognosis has changed and all is well - but still, the concerns and difficulties sections seems to be the one I relate to.
Has anyone else felt something like this? will it pass? I feel like such a pessimist thesedays and I'm not like that in life usually.
Shannon


Shannon,
I'm so glad you posted this as I am exactly the same. I have this morbid fascination with it and I too find it kind of reassuring - or something, I don't know what. I don't know whether by reading it, I feel better about my situation but I feel so sorry for the people who have experienced problems or losses and I say a prayer for each of them. I also find that I read the new intros in the TTCAM board to see what others have experienced.
I think to me I feel that it just gives me a reality check and to remind myself that I can never be too certain that everything will work out. Funny thing, is that I have been like this with all my pregnancies - not just after my miscarriage. I think I like to prepare myself for what might happen and as much as I know it's not a healthy thing to do, I can't seem to stop.
Anyway, who knows why we do it... I'm sorry I can't offer any suggestions. Just know that you're not alone.
Cheers,
Helen
Shannon,
I think I know what you mean but I wouldn't call it a fascination or anything like that.
Shannon,
When I first found out I was pregnant in Feb, I was all sorts of pessimistic.