Someone tell me it's gonna be OK

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Someone tell me it's gonna be OK
8
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 11:06am

Yesterday I was nervous because what little symptoms I have (sore nips, leg swelling, and frequent peeing) were vanishing. I know I know, symptoms come and go, especially when you're 5 or 6 weeks like me. I bet they'll be back tomorrow, I thought.

This morning I woke up and realized I hadn't gotten up even once during the night to pee (I have been getting up 3-4 times a night for a week now). Nips aren't sore at all, even when I pinch them. No nausea, no swelling. In fact I felt so good physically I took a 40 minute jog, something I haven't done since before my BFP. Such a strange juxtaposition to feel so good physically while choking back sobs.

I can't go get betas before next week because I'm going on a business trip tomorrow. I know what they'll say anyways.

I can't believe I've been doing this for so long. I can't believe I can't hold my baby, I can't nurse her, I can't comfort her in the night, I can't press my cheek against hers, I can't breathe in her sweet aroma, I can't marvel at her tiny toes. I can't believe so many of you can go on and cry happy tears on your little ones' birthdays, and I just can't get there.

I don't know if anyone will know what I'm talking about, but after each miscarriage, I go a couple days without eating. I need to feel as empty inside physically as I do emotionally, as if to give a physical reason for my emptiness. The days string together like little pots to fill, all in a row, assembly-line style, but no matter what I put in them, nothing grows. What are these little pots for, anyways? What if I let them go by without poking anything into them, one by one? They're just little pots, after all.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. I'm just so disappointed.

-Emily

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 11:13am

Emily,


Sweetie, I'm sending you the biggest hugs and positive thoughts and have said a prayer too.

Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 1:10pm
Oh, Emily!
Don't give up yet!!!
Have hope, I did the same thing at that point, sure it was doomed, especially with others posting all their symptoms, and me: NOTHING!! until about 8 -9 weeks (later than with my daughter, strengthening my fears). Even then, sore nips one day, nothing the next = ARRGHH! just to mess with our minds...
I am thinking of you and sending you positive sticky vibes..hope to hear from you when you get back,
Lara
31 w, 1d
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 1:52pm

Emily - I am sorry you are having such a rough day.

Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 6:26pm
Emily,
Don't give up so easily. You're probably fine and just worrying for nothing. PAL brains do that! At 5 or 6 weeks your symptoms are still revving up, I'm sure you'll be miserable w/ morning sickness too. You'll be crying tears of joy at your own baby's birthday. Some babies have a harder time getting here than others. Be careful w/ your strenuous exercise though. Take care,
Aimee
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 7:46pm

((((HUGS)))) Emily..... I can't really say much that will make you feel better.... but just know that all of us are here for you ok..... and praying that everything is perfect with your little bean!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 7:57pm

Emily,


I am so sorry you are going through this right now and I wish there was something I could do or say that would take away your pain.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 9:36pm

Oh Emily,

Don't give up hope yet. There have been so many days when I thought it was all over. I'm 19 wks now and I still have those days. I hope your body is just playing tricks on you and that everything is okay. You are in my thoughts.

Teresa

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 12:10am

Emily
I know that multiple losses make this all much harder. You don't deserve to go through this anxiety - regardless of how it turns out. I hope your trip is over quickly and you can have an ultrasound rather than betas to give you a better idea of your chances.

Personally, I had lots of variation in symptoms in early pregnancy.

Shannon



Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker
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