Freaked out

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
Freaked out
8
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 10:37am

I am having a difficult time. I lost my baby in February at ten and a half weeks. It was my first pregnancy. It was a missed miscarriage. I had already seen the baby and the heartbeat. I was unaware anything was wrong until my second ultrasound showed the baby was dead. I had to have a D&C. I bled for two weeks after, which was terrible for me. It was a daily reminder of my loss. Once the bleeding stopped, I did start to feel better. My husband has been very supportive. My family and friends have not been so helpful. I realize that unless you've been through it you don't really understand. However, since I am emotionally fragile others' stupid comments are more difficult to let roll off my back immediately. Anyway, I am now 5 weeks pregnant and completely freaked out. Since my only experience is of loss, I am a slight mess. I really want a healthy baby but so far I am not happy about being pregnant. I am full of anxiety and sadness. (I had been feeling fine for almost a month and was proud of myself.) I made the appointment for my 8 week ultrasound yesterday and got off the phone and cried. I feel like I'm just waiting to get bad news. If it hadn't been a missed miscarriage- if I had bled- I could find reassurance if I went to the bathroom and didn't see blood. Since I had no idea, I feel like once again at anytime I could be walking around with a dead baby inside of me. And just to add to my anxiety, other than my breasts being sore, I have no other symptoms. My doctor offered for me to come in more often but I’m not sure I want to do that. I feel like it would add anxiety; that today will be the day I find out... Also, I didn't give the doctor permission to test the baby because I was so upset when it happened I just wanted the poor thing left alone. Now I regret that decision because maybe it wasn't chromosomal like the doctor thought and there is something wrong with me and I'm putting another baby in jeopardy. Ok, so maybe my other symptom is I'm hormonal. Thanks for listening.

Lilypie

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
In reply to: rfia
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 11:21am

Oh sweetie, big ((hugs)) to you.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
In reply to: rfia
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 12:17pm

Oh sweetie--


What you're feeling right now is normal in our situation.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
In reply to: rfia
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 3:52pm

Oh sweetie... I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2006
In reply to: rfia
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 4:25pm

Rfia,


I can completely relate to your anxiety.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
In reply to: rfia
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 4:39pm

Hey,
all of us here understands exactly what you're going through. I had a missed m/c at 8 weeks in Dec. 3 weeks later I was pregnant again. there is a part of me that is very happy to be pregnant. But the other part of me is still sad for the baby I lost. And I have a hard time celebrating this pregnancy in fear that it will be over. I'm almost 20 weeks and still deal with these uneasy feelings. I miss the joy and excitement I had with my first pregnancy. But, it does get easier. Each milestone i have passed has made things easier. and I'm finally getting to where I think it might be safe to buy something for our baby.

anyhow..I'm rambling now. Just know we understand. It's normal to feel what you're feeling. And I promise, it does get easier!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
In reply to: rfia
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 7:42pm
Reading your message I can relate more than I can explain in words. I know exactly what you mean in regards to friends & family not being so helpful or understanding. My husband and I have experienced an Ectopic pregnancy and 2 M/C's. I'm trying to be positive, think positive, calm. It is so so so hard. I'm having troubles sleeping at night and I'm running to the restroom all the time. So I can honestly say I know how you feel. It is so devastating to experience pregnancy loss. Your in our thoughts and prayers....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
In reply to: rfia
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 10:30pm

I want to thank everyone for all their kind words and support. I'm feeling better after having read everyone's reply. It helps to know that others understand and have or are still going through the same thing. I wish us all a happy outcome. Thanks again.

Rene

Lilypie

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
In reply to: rfia
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 10:46am

Hi,

I havent officially posted yet. I have just been lurking but something about your message hit close to home. I experienced my 4th m/c in December when I thought I was 12 wk but according to the u/s the baby died at 8wk 2 day. So like you I was walking around with a dead baby for 4 weeks. My last 3 m/c's were all very similar in that a heartbeat was seen at 6, 8, 10 wks but they all ended prior to the end of my trimester. I had every loss tested and they were not able to find anything abnormal which I find kind of unbelieveable.

I have just found out that I am pregnant again and I am on pins and needles. I do have one healthy DD so something must have been working at some point. With my DD, I was completely sick throughout my entire 1st trimester but I have no symptoms at all so far so of course I'm thinking the worse. It's probably too early to have symptoms but paranoia is all around me. I am trying to let my faith win over my fears.

I just wanted to let you know that there are people out there that have been through what you have been through and people who are going through it now. My prayers are with you.