OMG This so much harder than I expected

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2008
OMG This so much harder than I expected
Sat, 01-31-2009 - 6:39pm

Same as EC

Little Katie is now 5 days old. We got home from the hospital on Tuesday night. We did okay that 1st night. The home nurse came the next am and we discovered that she had lost weight- down to 5 lb, 11 oz from her birth weight of 6 lb, 9 oz. Her bili levels were rising too. We put her on a every three hour (start to start) feeding schedule: 30 minutes at breast, then bottle breast or formula supplement while I pumped. She started refusing to latch and I spent the 30 minutes practically begging her to wake up and eat. By the next day she had gained 3 oz but her bili was really high. And I was a wreck. My sinus headache from my sinus infection came back with a vengeance and I couldn't move my head without excruciating pain. I called my mom for support and her words of wisdom were, "So feed her then." I screamed at her and got off the phone.

I spent the rest of the day doing feeding, pumping and sleeping. I didn't feel like I could bond because my only time with the baby was begging her to eat and watching her reject my breast.

I called the medical advice number re: my headache and they told me to start taking benadryl again and told me to go to the after hours clinic the next morning. Shortly thereafter, DH and I got into a huge fight about the feedings. Did I mention that I cried about every half hour or so? I decided that I would quit trying to force her to latch and just pump until I felt better.

The physician's assistant today was not helpful. She didn't seem to care that my bp was 153/95 and I had to convince her that the sinus infection was real and not postpartum depression. (Stupid woman- just look in my chart.) She seemed confused as to why I would take benadryl for anything but a sleep aid. Duh! It's an antihistimine! She changed my antibiotic and recommended that I quit taking benadryl which she said would raise my bp and start taking vicodin and advil every so many hours and said she would write down her instructions. I got to the pharmacy and the instructions were not specific at all. So I stood and cried while I explained the situation to the pharmacist who filled the antibiotic prescription. The pharmacist said I could only BF every 4 hours on the vicodin. AHHH!

I had to go home because the visiting nurse was coming over and I desperately needed to pump. The trip to the clinic took over 2 hours! The nurse was wonderful as usual. She said that the benadryl was fine to take and since it works better than the vicodin and I can easily BF with it. She was upset that the PA didn't bother to call the on-call OB for advice. She said she would be back on Monday since the baby lost 1/2 oz (but her bili is much better). She'll take my BP then and send me to the OB if it's still up. In the meantime I am supposed to lie flat and rest and eat a lot. She was clear about that to DH who keeps trying to get me to go for a walk.

DSS is having problems adjusting. He was almost late for school Wed, Thur and Fri morning because he's playing around. He put soap on my toothbrush. Today he thought it would be funny to not unlock the front door when I came home. He also talked back to his dad and lost TV for the month of February. We have had several heart to heart talks with him. If it doesn't get getter we are going to a family therapist.

My BFF is avoiding me. She is still single and no kids and it's hard for her to see me have a family (we're both in our late 30s). I totally understand, since I've felt the same way in the past when my other friends got married and had babies.

My dad is ready to jump on the next plane out here and calls 4 or 5 times a day. I don't bother answering the phone b/c I am sleeping, changing a diaper or nursing or pumping and/or crying.

DH and I talked today and we are doing better. Still, I am really hoping to get over this sinus infection and for Katie to get stronger. All the docs and nurses have said that 37 week babies have a much harder time than 39 or 40 week babies. I keep telling myself that it will all be better in a few weeks.

Thanks for reading this and letting me vent. I haven't been able to read anything in the board this week. I hope you are all doing well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Sun, 02-01-2009 - 2:39am

(((HUGS))) It is so hard adjusting to a new baby in general, but to have the issues of you being sick, a DSS being a jerk, and baby not wanting to latch well just makes it so much harder.

I can say this much - it WILL get better. Someday you will sleep again. Your baby will grow and be healthy. Your family will be okay. And once you start adjusting and are not in survival mode (like so many mothers are for the first week or two, or more) you will bond with that child in so many ways.

Bonding is a daily experience, not just the first week, or month. It happens every day of that child's life, so please don't feel guilty for not feeling like you're bonding. Baby won't remember, and before you know it you're going to know what each little cry means, see your little one start smiling, giggling, cuddling, etc... and growing up way too fast.

I'm glad the visiting nurse is understanding and trying to help. Please know we are always here to offer advice, or just give you a place to vent. Come when you can and when you have the energy... but we know that you're busy right now.

Something we did do with Bekah when she needed to eat and wasn't latching well was use a syringe and tube to help feed her formula. While she was latched onto me, we would put the tube in her mouth, along my breast, so that when she nursed she was sucking formula through the tube as well. So she wasn't connecting food to a bottle, but was still able to nurse and get the nutrients she needed while she was so small. This did make for a transition once she was healthy to get use to nursing regularly and not being lazy with the bottle/tube anymore - but we only had to do this for a week or two until she put on some weight. Maybe this could be an option to help her gain some weight?

We love you and I'm sending P&PTs that things improve very, very quickly.

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<9.27.08 Siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
Sun, 02-01-2009 - 7:26am
It is so hard in the beginning, but believe me it does get better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
Sun, 02-01-2009 - 10:09am
Ah, bless your heart. Sending you huge hugs. Let me tell you that it DOES get better. The first few weeks are hell, but slowly you wil figure it out and get your little girl figured out. Everything is just so new for both of you. With the latch, have you thought about trying a nipple shield? I HIGHLY recommend it. When Lane was 4 days old, I could have written your post. He wouldn't eat, so finally I tried the nipple shield and he latched right on and we ended up uising it for a month. Try that. Is there anyone who can come help you, at least get a little rest? Sending you so many hugs, it really is hard, I know. It will get better, I promise.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Sun, 02-01-2009 - 10:41am

Big (((HUGS)))


mom to Elijah 12-27-04 and Gabrielle 11-4-08


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Sun, 02-01-2009 - 11:00am
hugs to you!! Hang in there! It really will get better. You have a lot going on right now.
Levi had high bili levels the first couple of days home. I remember being stressed about it. But, your sounds like they're watching her closely and you can be rest assured, it will all clear up soon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Sun, 02-01-2009 - 11:01am
oh nancy.. i am so sorry dear. one thing to remember.. take care of yourself. formula is NOT posion so use it if you have to. if she has breastmilk jaundice then you can use it for 24-48hrs and her jaundice will be no more. i know that you probably want to breastfeed and what not as well that is how i felt but my body just gave out on me and hun i dont want that for you. i hope your docs get on the right track for your sinus infection. tons of big hugs hun.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2008
Sun, 02-01-2009 - 12:38pm

Hi Nancy,

I haven't been in your position (yet?!), but I wanted to lend you my support. I think we all know that new motherhood is going to be hard, but I think it probably knocks most people off their feet when they realize how hard it is. I think any new mom, but especially PALs or moms who have struggled with fertility to have their babies, want it so badly and maybe even idealize it. I have visions of being a perfect mom. My baby and I will spend quality time in the (yet to be bought) rocking chair at night, listening to quiet music and bonding. When it's older, we will sing and bake cookies, yada, yada, yada. Now, I KNOW there's no such thing as a perfect mom and that everyone makes mistakes. I also know that how I picture it (the rocking chair, the music, the cookies) are probably a smidgen of what it's really like. In my dreams, there's never a crying baby I can't soothe. It sleeps and eats when I want it to. Seriously, I know that this is not reality, but it's the picture I have i my head. Of COURSE the baby will scream for hours on end and I'll be ready to pull my hair out. I think being a new mom is hard enough anyway, but when you've been dreaming of it and hoping for it for so long, and maybe you're a perfectionist like me, it's hard when it isn't the way it was "supposed" to be....if that makes sense.

It sounds like you have so many things going on right now...the baby, the sinus infection, the DSS, the friend, your DH putting some pressure on you. Put just a few of them together and it's hard--then add the baby in, and that's mega stress! I think my advice is to be good to yourself right now. You aren't doing anything wrong. Try to take the pressure mentally off yourself (at least this is how I am--I put pressure on myself and have high expectations for how things should be), but this is a time to know that not everything is going to be perfect with a wave of the wand (though I know you wish it could be!). I think it's great that you have a plan in place for your DSS. The other moms on here have given you some great suggestions for managing with Katie. Is there maybe a program through your hospital where midwives or something can make home visits? Where I am, after you deliver, you have someone come to you 6 times (it's standard--everyone gets it) and for longer if you need it. They answer questions you have and help you with anything you need related to the baby. That might be an idea if it's offered near you. Just hearing you're doing things just fine, and that it will take some time, might be all you need to hear.

I'm also sorry about the friend thing...I'm glad you understand where she's coming from, but I'm sure it doesn't help you since you seem to really need a friend right now. ((Hugs))

I hope I haven't said anything insulting or something--like I said, I haven't been in your position. I'm sure everything right now seems overwhelming and difficult, but it WILL get better. You are not the first to feel this way, and you will not be the last. Maybe I will be where you are in a few months, and you will be the one to calm me down.

Sending many, many hugs--and post away here as much as you need to!
Holly :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Sun, 02-01-2009 - 2:11pm
((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Nancy nursing is hard and its even harder when the baby doesnt want to eat. (((((((hugs)))))))) I am so sorry its rough on you. Kira NEVER had a good latch and SHE NEVER WANTED the boob. If BF is what you want keep up at it. I promise it does get a little easier. But if you do go with formula remember it doesnt make you a failure. You have to make a decision for your family and what suits you. Remember a stressed mom only makes it harder (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
Sun, 02-01-2009 - 4:47pm

OMG Nancy, reading your post makes me want to give you a big ole hug!!!

My daughter wouldn't nurse for the first 4 weeks of her life. It was horrible. She also lost weight in those early days and had high bili count. It was so awful. I too was alternating between crying/being rejected by my daughter while trying to feed her and sleeping. I worked my butt off and eventually it all worked out. I honestly don't know how I got through those first few days.

I hope you will soon be doing better. The only thing you can do is rely on your DH and doctor and family whenever possible and keep putting one foot in front of another.

The only good news was I lost all the baby weight in like 2 weeks because I was a total freaking wreck =)

Good luck!!!


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