reply to bonding discussion
Thank you to everyone for your heartfelt responses. And especially thank you to you, Anna. Reading what you had to say made something come to mind for me. My baby is alive right now, and although I don't feel "obligated" to care for him, to ignore him is in my mind kind of like abandoning him. I can't just pretend he doesn't need me now - I can't give up on him emotionally just because he may not make it. What if he needs me right now, right in this moment? I mean, what if he doesn't make it - wouldn't he want his mother to be holding his hand through every moment of life that he had? That may sound crazier than before, but all of a sudden I do feel something. And you're right - pretending outloud that I'm not pg doesn't make it any less real in the quiet of my mind. And it surely won't make it any less heartbreaking should something awful happen. I don't pretend that I don't have a seven year old daughter so as to be spared the pain in the strange chance she gets into a car accident or something.
I know that's probably extrapolating your point a bit too far, but still, I just wanted you to understand on what level all of a sudden I feel 'something'. And to say thank you. I don't think keeping either blind faith or a blind eye is what I need...just a calm acceptance of whatever may come and the ability to love my son right now.