reply to bonding discussion

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
reply to bonding discussion
3
Mon, 09-29-2003 - 9:42pm
Thank you to everyone for your heartfelt responses. And especially thank you to you, Anna. Reading what you had to say made something come to mind for me. My baby is alive right now, and although I don't feel "obligated" to care for him, to ignore him is in my mind kind of like abandoning him. I can't just pretend he doesn't need me now - I can't give up on him emotionally just because he may not make it. What if he needs me right now, right in this moment? I mean, what if he doesn't make it - wouldn't he want his mother to be holding his hand through every moment of life that he had? That may sound crazier than before, but all of a sudden I do feel something. And you're right - pretending outloud that I'm not pg doesn't make it any less real in the quiet of my mind. And it surely won't make it any less heartbreaking should something awful happen. I don't pretend that I don't have a seven year old daughter so as to be spared the pain in the strange chance she gets into a car accident or something.

I know that's probably extrapolating your point a bit too far, but still, I just wanted you to understand on what level all of a sudden I feel 'something'. And to say thank you. I don't think keeping either blind faith or a blind eye is what I need...just a calm acceptance of whatever may come and the ability to love my son right now.

misty dawn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-29-2003 - 11:23pm
You're welcome. That is exactly what I meant, and what you said about your older child is very true. There is never an end to the worry...from the moment they are conceived until the day one of us takes our last breath. But, the wonderful moments with our beautiful amazing children make all of it worthwhile.

I am so glad that my words were of some help to you...that makes me feel really good.

Thank you. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that all continues to go well for you.

Hugs,

Anna

Avatar for cirrus1993
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 9:39pm
I was glad to read this discussion and the posts. This is something I have been struggling with as well. I dont want to acknowledge this baby too much or even talk about it to people except my husband, and then at the same time I am angry because no one is acknowledging it. I hate these feelings and wish I could break out of them and stop being the person that had a miscarriage and start being the person that is having a baby. I did bust out and buy some baby clothes last weekend, which felt great, but I havent been able to take them out of the bags yet since I got home with them. I keep waiting to cross some line that makes it a sure thing, and there is not one. I have already past my m/c dates, but my mind knows deep inside there is never any guarantees for anyone and I am no exception to the possibilities like I thought I was last time. I know though I dont speak the words, I do love this baby with all my heart and losing it would devastate me all over again, though my mind still thinks its taking a protection step by pretending it wouldnt desvastate me. Thank you for the analogy for your daughter. I have a 6 yr old son, so I can really relate to that thought.

tearfully,

Wendy, edd 4/3/04

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 9:58pm
I'm so glad that what I had to say was of help to you. Ana helps me, I help you...it's kind of corny, isn't it? But that's great...and you know what? Eventually we are all going to be through worrying and crying (atleast about being pregnant) because our due dates are coming! Every day we have a healthy fetus is one day closer to holding a healthy baby.

blessings to you,

misty dawn

edd 4/8/04