new to site,isolated and terrified

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
new to site,isolated and terrified
7
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:36am
hi,just got turned on to this wonderfurl site by my perinatologist am on bedrest new to this area have no friends and my husband is falling apart. i have been pregnant 9 times have three living children 2 second trimester losses one infant death and am expecti g again, very high risk due to my health problems, already hospiralized at 23 weeks for premature labor,i feel as though i'm losing my husband. when scared he withdraws increasing my felins of isolation and despair. have much more to express but so overwhelmed right now ned to take a cry break and get it together, contactionsstarting again. am no t due to june,even if they stave off my labor still have to induce early mabey even as early as tommarow depending onhow well my liver and kidneys are holding out. have already ben in liver and kidney failure. just neded to vent,and make contat,need some women to talk toto share my dailu upsd and downs. thanks.please repyl.also yestersay was thetwo year anniversary of my son's death,i delivered at25 weeks,the exact number of weeks i am now.please view my posting on the pregnancy after the loss of an infant board.i go into much more detai about my situation and ask many questions.nee lots of support. feel so alone. thanks


Edited 3/9/2004 7:27:18 PM ET by jenniferv2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:54am

Jennifer,


I am so sorry that you have suffered so much tragic loss in such a short time.

Krista - Mommy to Gabriel (June 10, 2004)

Proud to be CL of Pregnant after a loss board 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:54am
Jennifer,

I have no great words of wisdom but can offer sincere empathy and prayers. I send you and your family great hopes for the BEST possible outcomes. I send you sympathy for your many losses and rejoice in your 3 miracles.

PLEASE stay positive in your thoughs and actions. I truly believe that all things happen for a reason, even if we do not understand that reason.

We are all here for you.

Lin
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 3:03pm
Hi and welcome,

I'm so sorry that you're going through so much stress right now. With my first pregnancy I sort of floated through it completely ignorant, because I had no complications or problems. I've had various forms of difficulties since then, and now I'm starting to view pregnancy as just something to live through rather than a fun adventure on its own. Which sucks, but I think sometimes that's realistic.

It's rough that your DH is withdrawing, would it be possible to talk with him about it? I know that my DH naturally takes on a very problem-solving attitude when things get difficult - "What do we need to do to make this better?" And we all know that sometimes there's nothing you can DO to fix things - but when he wasn't able to just fix everything he would get frustrated, and then he would sort of withdraw from me. He wasn't frustrated with me, he just felt bad because he couldn't make it better and I think that made him feel helpless and scared. And guys don't like to feel scared - they're much more comfortable with distant or mad. I had to sit him down and explain that sometimes there aren't things we can do, and that sometimes all I want is for him to sit with me and let me lean on him - that offering emotional support IS doing something to help me, even if it doesn't affect the outcome of the situation (the pg or whatever else). It took a few repetitions, but it seems to have worked... he has been much more involved and supportive through this pg.

This is a good board to come to for support, and if you stay on bedrest for any amount of time you might also want to check out sidelines.com, it's specifically set up to support moms on bedrest and gets a lot more traffic than the bedrest board here.

Hang in there, best of luck to you and your family, and keep us posted!

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 5:00pm
Jennifer, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. Try to talk to your husband when he isn't withdrawn, tell him how much you need him and his support. I hope that things will go better for you and that your little one will be ok. We'll be thinking of you. Check in when you can.

Take care,

Lynn

12w1d

edd 9/19

Avatar for jadedheavenlie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 10:10pm
I just want to say welcome, congrats on your new pregnancy, and how sorry I am for your previous losses. The ladies here are great- we are there for each other. Feel free to post anytime, we're there!!!

Love, Kendra

Baby Boy Cameron EDD 7/13-15/04

21w 6d

~i~ 5/31/01

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 3:29am
Jennifer,

Just wanted to send some positive thoughts your way. I also wanted to let you know that I had some really bad contractions at 26 weeks, but after shots of turbutaline and pills of turbutaline things calmed down. I also have crohn's disease so I know a little bit about what it's like to have your body not cooperate with you when you need it to most. If you ever want to email me (I'm sure bedrest is not fun) I am happy to listen - johnson.melinda@comcast.net. Please take care of yourself.

Melinda
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 9:35am
Jennifer,

I would first of all like to offer my support to you. There are really great women on this board and it is a great place to come when you are on empty, emotionally. As far as your husband goes, men have a hard time with things like this. They aren't involved directly, but have to watch from afar, but feel the helplessness that we feel and there is nothing they can do to stop what is happening, nor to make things better. I am my husband's third marriage and he finally decided he wanted kids. I miscarried our first child and he was devastated. He withdrew from me and his own family. He had been so excited and was determined that he would not feel that kind of pain again. When I became pregnant again just over two years later he didn't even get excited. He ignored me and pretended like I wasn't pregnant. This was hard for me to deal with because my first husband was there for me during our first loss and was very supportive of me during my pregnancy with my son. My current dh just handled himself differently and it took me time and a lot of patience to begin to understand things from his point of view, however I did talk with him and explain to him that I needed him to be there for me because I had the same fears he did, and on top of that I had his denial of the pregnancy and his hard words when I couldn't do something I used to do all of the time. (Cleaning, washing,etc.)

When you start to tell other people how things are it creates this deep well of emotion. You have probably kept all of these feelings bottled up, so just come on in anytime you want and let those feelings go. We will be here to listen and support. I will keep you and your little one in my prayers and hope that you come back and share more. It helps to get it all out! :)

Heather 8/5/04