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|Mon, 03-15-2004 - 5:26pm|
We were heartbroken! I don't know how many of you went through infertility and then a miscarriage, but it is such a huge cosmic slap in the face! Not that I wish it on anyone, but I think it's even more difficult for people who have faced infertility. Even teh very unsympathetic doctor who happened to be on call at the time told me that I can try again right away if I wanted. I felt like screaming at her that I couldn't just, "Try again." That after a year and a half, all our hopes were pinned on this.
DH and I decided to adopt in August. It is something we had talked about extensively the previous 6 months, and emotionally, I knew I couldn't take another miscarriage. We decided to adopt from Russia. In early January we got the call and headed out to Russia to meet our son. Russia requires 2 trips -- one to meet the child, and the 2nd trip to adopt. While we were there, we realized that my period just wasn't showing up. We attributed it to the trip. The year before we were in England and I was 3 weeks late. The stress of the trip and everything (I'm a horrible traveler). When we got back, already totally in love with the son that would be ours in a little over a month, we tested. I was sure it would be negative, but it wasn't! We were very happy, but overwhelmed at the same time. Our kids would only be 13 months apart! At the same time, I was petrified of miscarrying again.
The week before our trip to adopt Nathan we had our first prenatal appointment. Everything seemed fine. The next day, Tuesday, we had an ultrasound. I was a nervous wreck! The ultrasound showed a tiny little fetus! We were relieved and excited! We thought that maybe this time things would work out. The next morning I woke up and my underwear was full of blood. I freaked, certain I had miscarried. After an examination and another ultrasound, I learned that my baby was still there, and I was bleeding where the placenta meets the uterine wall. The doctor said it's not uncommon, but we would still have to wait and see.
Imagine what a wreck I was! I had to leave in less than a week to travel all the way to Russia or risk losing my son, but at the same time, I didn't know if the travelling would make my condition worse. The doctor prescribed progesterone gel, and off we were to Russia.
We were in Russia for 2 weeks, and the bleeding stopped the day before we left to come home. I haven't (knock on wood) bled since. Our second prenatal appointment was 2 weeks ago and we heard the heartbeat! I'm still scared though. Am I going to feel this way up until the baby is born? I'm so scared that if I do or say the wrong thing I'll jinx myself and lose the baby. All our friends and family know as of last weekend, and I'm afraid that now that everyone knows, I'll lose the baby.
Right now I'm about 13 weeks along -- finally through the first trimester. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that everything will be okay.
Alex (29) and
Nathan (7 months)