The further I get, the more frightened..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
The further I get, the more frightened..
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 12:35pm
I become.

I posted last week - I'm not sure how many of you saw it. Brief snyopsis of my story:

This will be my 11th pg. I have three beautiful daughters, 15, 7, 5,; had 6 m/c's and lost a son on 12/3/04 at 22 weeks. I have been diagnosed with APS and was on heparin injections and baby aspirin with my son. I had no intentions of being pg again. I even came to terms with the fact that we were done and moved on with my life. Now, after a little carelessness in the b/c department, here I am. I'm 6 weeks and absolutely terrified. I have a dr. appt. next week and I anticipate that they will put me on heparin injections again. But since they didn't work the last time, I'm terrified they won't work again. I can't bear the thought of... well, you know.

Anyway, I could really use some prayer and positive thoughts. I've prayed pretty much constantly and although I know it's in God's hands, it's really hard to trust. REALLY hard. I will visit here often because I know you ladies are really good at providing support. And since we've decided to keep this to ourselves, there's no one else to talk to. I will provide what support I can when I can in return. :)

Thanks for letting me vent a bit. I have each and everyone of you in my prayers. I wish you only the best of luck!!


Julie, proud mama to
Chelsi (10/2/88)
Hannah (7/4/96)
Madison (12/6/98)
Jon Leslie (born sleeping 12/3/02)
Sydney Allison (edd 12/17/04)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 12:49pm

Big hugs!!! I think paranoia becomes such a natural thing for us when we're pregnant, especially when you have very realistic fears and concerned, that it's a miracle all by itself that we're able to function normally or ever return to sanity again!

I hope that you're able to get lots of support from your family and friends, as well as on this board, and that you're able to take good care of yourself. Some people feel better when they're able to distract themselves from the source of their worry, others feel better to talk it out, others try to make themselves as numb as possible to just get through the rough times. There's no right way to cope - just do whatever works best to get your through the day, and when tomorrow rolls around, see how you're feeling then, and then do whatever is best for you to get through that day.

All the best to you, and may you positively drown in sticky baby vibes,


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 12:54pm
Hi Julie-

I am so sorry for your losses. I can't even imagine the pain of enduring 6 m/c's. I am so sorry. I completely understand your apprehension. My m/c was missed and we didn't find out until three weeks after the baby died. So I am now terrified that something has already gone wrong and I just don't know about it yet. I think that fear will be with all of us who have miscarried whenever we get pregnant again. I'm glad you found this board. Everyone here is so helpful and understanding, as we've all been through the pain of a loss. Whatever fears or questions you have, everyone here will listen and offer support without judgment. It's a great place! Good luck at your doctor's appointment next week and please let us know how it goes. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

big hugs,



EDD#1 11/26

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 12:58pm
Hi Julie,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family right now. I completely understand your fear. Although I have only experienced one loss (Oct.2003 20wks/girl)... I can not even comprehend the loss of six!

Right now I am pretty much in the same boat as you ... I am 9w2d pg (I was originally told to wait a year before TTC)And like you had one mishap in the b/c department. Even though everything is going well so far, I keep fearing that history will repeat itself. Guess that is typical after a loss.

Yet, you're completely right... all we can do at this point is pray...and hopefully our little miracles will come to life and find their way into our arms.

Stay Strong and Be Encouraged,

<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>> to you and your miracle baby!xo


Ashleigh 2yrs old

^i^ Luna 10/17/03

EDD 11/23/04

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 1:53pm
Hi, and welcome to the PAL board!

I will be praying for you! I know first hand how HARD that trust is to come to you. I was not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination before this pregnancy. Now, however, I have a completely different view. I am 22 weeks and about week 5 I put my faith and trust in God and asked for the strength and viability of my pregnancy. Through prayer and trust I found a peace I didn't know before. Sure, I worried (and still do at times, to a lesser degree) and had my moments of doubt but I also knew that I had to believe everything is okay. Now that I'm feeling movement my worries have become far few in-between but I still rely on my trust and prayer to see me through to the next stage.

It has been said here that once you've experienced a pregnancy loss it takes away your innocence of any future pregnancies you might have. I think we can all identify with that feeling, so please know that you will never feel alone when you experience the anxieties and worries of your pregnancy. We're all here to help each other cope and see our way through so feel free to use us as your shoulder and rock as you journey your way to each milestone.

Best wishes for a terrific pregnancy!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 3:26pm
Hi Julie,

Welcome to the boards. I'm so sorry for your losses. We can all relate to your fears and worries. My prayers are with you and your family. I look forward to get to know you.



JT: 9-4-00

~i~: 9/2003

edd: 9-8-04

(20 weeks!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 8:05am


My hear aches for you.

Krista - Mommy to Gabriel (June 10, 2004)

Proud to be CL of Pregnant after a loss board