I can't belive I'm doing this again.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I can't belive I'm doing this again.....
6
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 10:16pm
And I am *scared* to death. I just got my bfp last thurs., although it was a super faint one. I have had 2 2nd trimister losses in the last yr. One at 15 wks in nov and another at 16 wks in april. The 1st one I had a d&c, but with the 2nd one bc of babie's size I had to deliver. I actually am thankful for that bc I got to see him, and it made it feel more real than being put to sleep pg and waking up not. Although, who wants anything to feel real during a time like that. After my 2nd loss, I was diagnosed with mthfr-hetero c677t( iam not 100% that those are the numbers, but pretty sure going off memory).

My dr put me on 4 mg folic acid, a ba, and a pnv with 1 mg folic and extra iron.

After my + test thurs I went to the dr on fri for bw. HCG was only 49. I went back mon and it was 304--that's good right?? I am not positive how far along I am bc I only had 1 cycle in between and it was a messed up one. I started spotting on may 8, stopped on may 9(thank god, I really belive it was a mothers day gift from my angels bc who wants to be on their period on mothers day after lossing a baby the month before) then on may 10 the flood gates opened and I bleed terribly for 10 days. I never cramped really, just heavy bleeding. I am normally a 32 cycler, but that would put my o on the 26..and that would be very unlikely. The oNLY 2 times it could of been were may 23 and june 1. Do yall think the 23rd couldd of done it? And if not, did I get a EARLY +..I am so confused.

But anyways, I have an us on july 1st..2 whole week saway. Dr wants to make sure we see something so I have less to worry about and any sooner would be risky which would =worry.

I am sorry to make this such a book, but I am sooooooooooo terrified. I hate that I can't get a + hpt, and expect to have a baby 9 months later. It just doesn't seem likely anymore you know. Instead, this time when I saw 2 lines, I thought..how is this one goign to end? I feel terrible for thinking that way bc believe me, I want a baby more than anybody. But I just can't even imagine what holding a newborn baby will feel like anymore. And I know I am blessed bc I already have 2 perfect kids, and I am soo very thankful for them(not sure how I got them here). But Please God, just 1 more.

Thank you for listening.

Hugs, Heather

EDD 2-?-05 (17 or 24)

Lindsay 10/99

Cameron 5/02

Gracie ~i~ 11/04/03

Matthew ~i~ 04/06/04

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003

Heather,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Heather-

Congratulations on the double line! It sounds like a rough year for you-but hopefully this will be the start of good things. Since the doctors know what caused the losses it's good to have a plan. Unfortunately I think everyone on this board is scared to be pg again. But also excited at the prospect of holding a new baby in our arms. I look forward to spending the next 9 months with you.

-Laura

#1 EDD 2/6/05

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
Congrats on being pregnant! Since your doctors know what caused your m/c, they should be on top of it. We all are worrying and know what your are going through. Feel free to post any questions you have at any time. These group of girls are wonderful. Sticky vibes for you and good luck at your next u/s.

Renee, Soon-To-Be Wife to David and Mother to Elliott and Oliver

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Hi heather,

Mthfr is a blood clotting disorder, from what I understand of it. I know that I will be at a higher risk of strokes and heart attacks, and I will take the folic and ba for the rest of my life. But, I think I have the less severe form of it(hetero). I have only known about it since my last loss, so I am still learning. I am very thankful to have my dr bc he is wonderful and helps calm my fears anyway he can.

Conception is a tricky thing isn't it?? Nothing short of a miracle if you ask me, and I am blessed to not have any problems in that dept.

*Hugs* Heather

EDD 2-17-05

Lindsay 10/99

Cam 5/02

Gracie ~i~ 11/04/03

Matthew ~i~ 04/06/04
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Laura,

I know in my head they know what's wrong with me now, but I can't rationalize it in my heart..does that make sense? I have so many doubts..like what if I need to be on heparin and I'm not, or what if I need more folic...or what if this time something nonrelated goes wrong. But, I just have to take a deep breath and have faith that although things may not work out how I want them too, it is all part of His plan. I am thankful to have this board bc there are so many ladies who unfortantly know exactly what I'm feeling.

I hope we both get all our hearts want.

*Hugs* Heather

Edd 2-17-05

Lindsay 10/99

Cam 5/02

Gracie ~i~ 11/04/03

Matthew ~i~ 04/06/04
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Renee,

Thank you for your kind words. I hope to be part of this board for the long haul.

*hugs* Heather

EDD 2-17-05

Lindsay 10/99

Cam 5/02

Gracie ~i~ 11/04/03

Matthew ~i~ 04/06/04