BTDT, when to tell siblings???

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Registered: 04-02-2003
BTDT, when to tell siblings???
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 2:08pm
Any suggestions on when to tell siblings? I'm 15 weeks and have a 26 month old. We were thinking of taking him to my next appt at 18 weeks and letting him hear the heartbeat. I am not showing yet, so I don't know how well he would understand if I said their was a baby inside. I do want to prepare him, but is their a good time to start bringing it up?




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 8:07pm
I would wait a little longer. Especially for younger children. 22 weeks will be a long time for your toddler. I have a 3 YO and we told him in June (around 25-26 weeks). I think that was even a little too long maybe before the baby arrives. He's been asking to hold the baby for the last 3-4 weeks (I'm 34.5 weeks now). So I have to tell him that the baby needs to grow a little bit more and then he'll come out. They don't understand time very well, so I think if you tell him at 18 weeks AND you're not showing yet--he'll be very confused.

I would wait another month at least. Maybe more.


DS #2 edd 9/19/04

Avatar for cjz_mommy
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 2:29pm
It's a hard concept to grasp (think about how hard it is for your DH...LOL) that something is INSIDE there. We know it b/c we FEEL it every day...but they can't wrap their brains around the idea.

Our DD (6/5/02) has gone to the u/s appts with us & has seen & said "babeeeee" each time. She's even pointing to my tummy when someone says the name "Jenna", but honestly, she doesn't really think too much about it.

If you have a name picked out, and I were you, I would start throwing that name around when you find out the sex (if you find out). Probably in another month or so, it will start to seem MORE real to you all. It's worked beautifully for us & she isn't asking me every day where the baby is b/c, well, she's just too YOUNG for that. If your DS is anything like MY 26 month old, you'll probably get the same "oh yeah" look I get...then he'll just move on back to playing with his Little People again, barely phased.

Our nursery is finished and we've watched a Baby Story on TLC just so she can see that a baby comes out (w/o all the yucky details some real life shows would present).

The older they get, the more the time element becomes important, but we're finding that at just over 2 yrs old, they don't sweat the small stuff.



EDD - 9/17/04 w/girl #2

~Christy - SAHM to Clara (6/02), Jenna (9/04), Jack (11/06) and Baby Collin (EDD 12/28)


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 11:45am
I've hahd these thoughts myself- I'm 15 wks and my daughter is 22 months old. I'm going to hold off sayng anything for now- I think that she's too young to wait another 5 months to see her baby. i don't think that we'll tell her untill we get much closer to our due date- I doubt that she's going to really notice my growing belly (until I dont' have a lap for her to sit on anymore!! ;>) Plus I still ahve a huge fear of having another miscarriage. Luckily for me, my 13 year old son is not living with us at the moment- in Germany with his dad this year- So i don't feel pressured to tell him yet (he'd definately notice the belly!!!lol)- We told him when we were pregnant the last time, and when I had the miscarriage he was very upset- I dont want to do that to him again.


Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 12:51pm
I've been trying to figure this out too. I'm 24w & have a 28 mo.

We tell him he's going to be a big brother, he's going to have a little sister and point out babies & tell him we're going to have one. But I don't think he's grasped any of it yet. We have not started to prepare the house at all. My mom brought some hand-me-downs a few weeks ago, but those were boxed up & in the garage now.

I also think 3 mos is still a long time for a 2yo to figure this all out. We will keep throwing the words, brother, baby, sister & point out other relationships, but I don't think we're going to do much more than that for another month or so.

He is being prepared, he just doesn't know it yet. I've got him sleeping in his bed now (which was convereted from the crib), in Sep I'm going to buy him his bed & bedding & have them both set up in his room until he gets comfy with his new bed & then retransform the crib.

He's also learning to walk more than use the stroller. I don't know if I want to buy a double-stroller & figure with my pg with lower & upper back pain he might as well get used to it now.

I think these type changes are subtle, but they are starts. (I'm not sure if I even want to attempt REAL potty time until after the baby is here. I believe they often regress, plus boys ave age is 3 .... I think this one thing would be easier aftewards.)

As for my disappearing lap & even getting kicked in the back while sitting on my lap, is not phasing him much yet. All he knows is it's harder to get comfy now.

I just don't know what more to do to prepare a 2yo????

Bonnie (24w)

"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
Avatar for loveleigh2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:48pm
I was trying to figure out the right time too. When I lost my last baby to anencephaly, my then 3yr old (just turned three) was really confused. I didn't think she understood it all but when there was no baby and my tummy had gone away she started with the questions. Now she is 5 and she still talks about her baby sister and how she wishes she were here. It really affected her.

Now I'm not sure when to tell her. She would be so very excited to find out. I just don't want to let her down again. I will probably wait until I know everything is ok.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:47pm
Im 13 weeks and have a 4 year old. We took her to the doc with us when I had my 10 weeks ultrasound. BIG MISTAKE. We told her too early last time and had a very hard time of explaining why I wasnt pregnant anymore. I just have waited alot longer this time. Its all I hear about. She has to wait until the end of Feb. You know how long that is for a 4 year old. She thinks its comming right after Xmas. When theres no baby yet well will have to explain why and she might kill us lol. I would wait as long as you can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:23pm
When I was pregnant the first time, with the mc, we didn't really tell our 3 yr old. He just knew that mommy was crying alot. This time, we weren't telling anyine until we heard the heartbeat. Well, before that came along, I was sitting on our bed folding clothes. He sat next to me on the bed and played with the socks for a few seconds, and then looked at me and asked "Momma, are you going to have a baby?" I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. I finally decided that I should tell him the truth. All he said was "Oh" and walked away. He came up a few minutes later and asked me, "You're not going to cry, are you?" I told him no, but if I did, it would be because I was happy. Again, he said "Oh, OK." and then walked away. After he found out that we are having another boy, he tells sveryone that he is having a baby brother. He's excited about it now, but I'm sure that it won't be so fun when he actually gets here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 8:33am

Hi Susan,

How are you doing??