Just need a hug ... (MIL vent)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
Just need a hug ... (MIL vent)
11
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 2:25pm

Some of you already know from my 2T chat post this week that my well-meaning MIL is driving me nuts. I talked to her on the phone last night and she:


1. Again referred to this child as "my baby" (as in hers)

Jane 

   

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 7:39pm
((((HUGS)))) to you...some people just don't get it, do they?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 8:59pm

Hey honey -


Have you talked to DH about this? I know it's a touchy situation - I haven't brought up any of my pet peeves either. But it would be great, like Natalie said, if he could just step in and say something.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 11:31pm
Jane - I'm sorry your MIL is giving you so much grief.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 8:08am

Jane, I just wanted to send you a big hug.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 10:21am

Jane,


I think that Maureen really stated it nicely. It is hard to have a MIL refer to your baby as her’s but I am sure that she is not even meaning it that way. Is this her first grandchild? If it is her first grand child I am sure that she is just overly excited about the bundle of joy!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 12:46pm

Jane,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 1:52pm

(((hugs)))


I'm sorry you're having a hard time, hon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2006
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 4:42pm

Jane,


((((HUGS))))


I hope you are feeling better and less stressed about this today!

PEACE AND LOVE

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 6:06pm

Oh Sweetie... I'm sending you the biggest hug ever.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 1:04pm

oh, Jane, I'm sorry that this is continuing! Some people just don't pick up on subtle hints, do they?!

It seems to me that some boundaries need to be set so that you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and so that you can enter motherhood in a happy light. I have a method for this that I'll share with you (I've had two very, very miserable MILs and 2 grumpy, jealous SILs).

*First of all, you have to believe that they love you and have the best of intentions, but they are having troubles expressing that to you in a way that you need to hear.

*Somehow she needs to get the bigger picture here. (I don't recommend the screaming at the top of your lungs yelling, 'you are an idiot, back up or back out!' route...trust me, that one didn't go over well with my MIL #1 or #2.) What has been more effective is the putting it a bit on yourself and appealing to her sense of being a mom/grandma. Explain to her that this is your first time becoming a mom and that you're excited about it and nervous at the same time and that you'd love her input when you ask for it. (boundary #1 set, check) Then tell her that you're excited for her to be in your lives and share this, her 'grandbaby'. Tell her it makes you insecure for her to refer to the baby as 'my baby' (even though this is NOT the case at all...it just makes you furious) and you'd be honored if she'd refer to this baby as 'my grandbaby' or by her name when she arrives. (boundary #2 set, check) Next, be blunt about the money situation with her. Tell her that you appreciate her thinking of you, but that what you would most appreciate is something for the baby. (boundary #3 set, check)

That is a good start for setting boundaries. It is a major chore, but well worth setting some now rather than having to start the process after the baby is born. You soooo deserve to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy, it is your time and should not be clouded by this kind of stress.

I hope that it turns around, she backs off, and you can relax a little:)

Karen

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