What do you say?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
What do you say?
13
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 9:52am

Now that I am OBVIOUSLY pregnant, more and more people are coming up and asking me the usual questions. One of those questions is... "Is this your first?"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
In reply to: wimom2b
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 10:17am

Deb,


I understand what you are saying and feeling as I went through the same emotions also. I always say that he is our first and do not talk about my angels to other people. I do however once I get to know them that I have angels in heaven and I tell them about my miscarriages.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
In reply to: wimom2b
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 10:18am

Hugs.


I didn't have too many people ask me when I was pregnant, but to those that did, I would say "Yes, but it took us a lot to get here." Most people would drop it at that point.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
In reply to: wimom2b
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 10:24am
Hi Debb, I know it's a weird situation to be put in. I personally just answered "Yes" when people asked if it were my first. I'm not the kind of person that feels the need to tell everyone everything and if I can spare a very awkward moment in exchange for a happy one then I'm okay with that. Your babies aren't going to feel like you've forgotten about them of course, and you're allowed to be happy and excited about this baby that you'll get to hold. If it's a stranger just asking the usual questions it's because they love the thought of pregnancy and new babies coming into the world, and honestly if I asked someone "Is this your first?" and they answered talking about thier angels, I (as someone who's experienced a mc myself) would be thrown off and feel uncomfortable about what to say next. KWIM? It's totally up to you how you respond, and I'm sure you'll get some people who have a totally different opinion and tell everyone they see about their losses. It's really a personal choice and you should do what you feel comfortable with, keeping in mind other people's feelings as well. Good luck with everything! :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
In reply to: wimom2b
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 11:16am

I always just say yes and smile. But I really like the answer one of the PPs when they said "yes, but it took a lot for us to get here" (sorry I don't remember who it was). I think that says a lot without saying too much.

Jen


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
In reply to: wimom2b
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 11:39am

I usually respond "yes, this will be my first".

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
In reply to: wimom2b
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 11:50am

Hi, Deb. ((HUGS))


Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I just smile and say "yes" as some pps mentioned, as I don't want to go into my personal history. (Many of my family members and friends don't know about the m/c, let alone telling strangers.)


However, in my mind and sometimes in

Jane 

   

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2005
In reply to: wimom2b
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 11:59am
I had an early 1T miscarraige and so I don't include that baby when I tell people that this is my third.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
In reply to: wimom2b
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 12:17pm

hi Deb.

Really good question. I've gone back and forth on this, too. If the person asking is someone you know well, then you can share with them, but chances are if they're asking such a question, it's more a polite gesture rather than a philosophical question. Those kind of people don't need to know such personal information about me. There were lots of great responses to this question. It's also been my experience that if I shared about my m/c with someone who wasn't very close to me, that they get really super uncomfortable. And, they usually don't have any real response for you. I know then that perhaps I shouldn't have shared with them.

I'm glad that we have each other to share with. It's been very important for me.

Karen

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
In reply to: wimom2b
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 12:34pm

I like many of the PP I also answer yes to that question.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: wimom2b
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 2:12pm

Deb - I just say this is my first.

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