baby would have been due today

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
baby would have been due today
3
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 2:19pm
my baby sophie would have been born today and entered this world a beautiful baby girl. i lost her at the end of the first trimester and she is greatly missed. any positive thoughts would be encouraging, i feel such a great loss. now that i am pregnant again, i feel almost guilty, i don't want to be too hopeful or excited about this new child i am expecting.

anya*
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 8:36am
anya,

I am so sorry that this day had to even exisit. I too am dreading my EDD. and being PG again will not change those dreadful feelings.

((((((((((Big Hugs to you))))))))) I hope you find you way through the day.

Belly pats to new baby and I hope he/she is born healthy and becomes the joy of you life to help ease the sorrow of the loss.

Krista

Krista and Gabriel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 1:33pm
Hi Anya,

I just posted above before reading your message. Today is tough for me too. I felt the same way when I got pg again after my first miscarriage. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. I was really torn between missing my angel and wanting to be positive about the baby on the way. It gets easier every day, but the pain never goes away completely. I know it sounds corny, but when he was finally here and healthy I felt a huge weight lift from my heart...like it was finally okay to love him the way I had wanted to from the beginning. It's not that I didn't think of my angel, but I just felt so much at peace with everything. I also realize that if I had not had that m/c, I wouldn't have my precious little boy, and he is the light of my life. I can honestly say I would sadly go through that all again to be where I am now. It is really the only thing that has kept me going through my second miscarriage and this pregnancy. I know that when our little girl is finally in our arms, I will see that it was worth it.

I tried really hard after my second loss to really not hold back my feelings towards the baby. It is hard because I know what can happen, and I know how much it hurts. But with my son, I went through the pg trying not to bond early on because I knew what could happen, and with my most recent m/c, I did the same thing. It doesn't make any difference. It hurts just as much as the first time when I told everyone from day one and was so sure everything would be fine. There is so much that I felt I had no control over, but the one thing I could do was to love the baby and be hopeful from the start. It doesn't mean you love the one you lost any less, but it is so much easier to do than to fill your heart with constant worry and "what ifs." I just told myself that whatever happened, I would get through it as I had before, and that someday it would make more sense to me. I think you have to just take one day at a time. Try to take care of yourself and remain positive. I know I have shared this on another post, but my OB's nurse said something to me when I went for my first OB appt with this pregnancy that really touched me. She asked me how things were going and I said, "I'm doing okay, just hoping that everything will be alright this time." She said, "We don't hope, we BELIEVE." I thought about the entire day. She was so right. I have to believe that this baby will be alright. I owe her that much from the very start.

Remembering your precious baby girl with you today and sending you tons of prayers and positive thoughts for your baby on the way.

Hugs,

Anna

DD 6--94

^i^ Zoe 12-11-96

DS 2-98

^i^ John Patrick 8-22-02

baby girl edd 3-14-04

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 3:17pm
anna,

thank you so much for that positive post. i really needed to hear it. the day went better then i expected, an i know it was because i had so many people praying for me.

being pregnant again (im only 7 weeks), seems like i am in a way disrespecting the baby i lost. i appreciated hearing your experience because it helped me feel like i wasn't alone. i am really thankful for this board, because i feel like family and don't understand because they haven't been through this pain before.

i am scared everyday, and i can't wait till i feel the baby kick and know that it is alive. i will realy take to heart what the nurse told you. i WILL believe, because what else is there? i don't want to look back at this pregnancy with regret, wishing i had been happier and more hopeful.

i hope your baby girl is growing perfectly. i hope the rest of your pregnancy is smooth sailing as well.

thank you, anya*